Turn on notifications -Strewth 

 

Warning – rant alert

I like my YouTube and understand the value of social media.   However, something always scratches my frustration bone.  Whenever I am on these apps every time I ‘like’ or ‘subscribe’ to something it invariably asks me do I want to turn on notifications.

The answer is always a resounding ‘No’.   And a ‘No’ with notification bells on.  Why would I want head melting phone pings every few minutes?   The incessant pinging would sound like a heart monitor in intensive care. And quite possible cause me to end up there due to the stress caused from   having to listen to them.  Strewth!

My other favorite annoyance is again linked to the apps where I forget my password.  Instead of resetting it I am then asked if I would like to log in using either Google or Facebook. Because I am lazy, I say yes and I am dutifully then informed that they will have access to everything. I presume this includes my DNA and also the right to harvest my organs upon my demise.

I do have a favorite notification and it is a meditation bell that a friend of mine told me about. It is from the Plum Village App.Every hour the bell gently goes off to remind oneself to be mindful.   So, I am off to have a ‘Zenax’, i.e., get chilled and Zen like.

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

Postman Bend and Snap

When the post man arrived this morning Buzz and Finn were apoplectic.  Obviously, this is no revelation for dog lovers.  But apparently their behavior is known as a positive reward. In that they bark to make the post man go away and guess what, he always goes away.  So therein lays their reward.

If I ever decide to date a postman this would really mess with their furry little heads as he would be coming into my house as opposed to leaving. But for now, I will keep my romantic notions to myself.

Once they had calmed down, I brought them for a walk. Lately they have begun to do everything in unison. Previously if Buzz peed Finn would also. Now the same applies if they are going for a poo.

Today Buzz had a particularly interesting poo in that his poo was standing straight up. I decided to call it shituesque. For some reason whilst bending down to bag his poo I began to think of the ‘Bend and snap’ scene from legally blonde. I had watched the movie last week.  This is when Reese Witherspoon is demonstrating to her friend, the nail lady, how best to grab a man’s attention by using the bend and snap technique. Here is the link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQmt9W6Ky7U

I managed to resist imitating the move, just about. Reese is trying to get her friend to flirt with the mail man.  Maybe I need to try it with my postman sometime?

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

The 7 Irish deadly sins

The word ‘deadly’ in Ireland does not mean the same thing as it does in most other English-speaking countries.  Within our vernacular the word deadly means optimal craic.  With the word ‘craic’ meaning ‘fun’.  So, to simplify ‘deadly’ means ‘optimal fun’.

Phrases like ‘top o de mornin to you’ and ‘soft day, thank God’ are rarely used. We can thank the movie ‘The Quiet Man’ for these. If we do say these phrases to each other in Ireland it is merely because we are being ironic and taking the piss out of ourselves.

Perhaps in the foregone days of strict Catholicism the Irish seven deadly sins could be

1.Drinking

2.Drugging

3.Fast food

4. Smoking and sminking (-they count as one –sminking is smoking and thinking simultaneously)

5. Slagging-taking the piss (Includes cursing)

6. Shifting-kissing

7.Sexting-rude texting

 

The best night out would have to encompass all of the above.  As we say here ‘When you are out, you are out’, meaning that there is really no point in doing it half arsed and heading home after a few drinkees.

For the optimum craic you need to stay the whole distance until the sun comes up. If this means drinking, drugging (for myself this means taking too many multi vitamins, at least in today’s current climate), sminking, gorging, shifting, slagging and sexting, then so be it. There is only one thing worse than being bad in my book and that is not being really good at being bad.

Now, that’s the real sin.

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

P.S- Almost forgot. Not being able to recite at least a few scenes from ‘Father Ted’, would have to count as the eight greatest sin in Ireland.

 

 

 

 

Batman

So, I had a dental appointment this morning and was really looking forward to it- said, no one, ever. I was led into the dental room by the nurse when the dentist asked me for an impression. I said ‘Well I have been having this treatment for two years now when the quoted time was 18 months. So, I’m really not that impressed ‘. He replied ‘I understand your frustration but I need to do an impression of your teeth. I apologized. Went puce and decided not to speak for the rest of the appointment.

On the way home I was listening to the radio and there was a woman being interviewed who has a bat sanctuary in Ireland. Anyone that looks after animals in my book is an angel but I have to say I’m not a huge fan of the bat. Their image has been somewhat tarnished by the whole Covid pandemic and I feel that what they really need is an ace PR crisis campaigner.

So, where is Batman when we really need him? He has been fannying around for decades in cartoons and films and now when we really need him, he is nowhere to be found.

When I was in school, I had to learn the anatomy of a bat in Irish. This is the primary reason for my intolerance towards them. It traumatized me for life. The story was called ‘An Sciathan Leathair’ and it was in a compendium of Irish stories call ‘Boirin na Beatha’.

To this day I still have feckin nightmares about this book. And why, oh why would I want to learn about the anatomy of a bat in Irish when learning it in English was just as nonsensical. Give me strength.

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

 

Unusual Street request

Ribald alert-Not for the faint hearted

I came across this picture the other day and I was reminded of an unusual event that happened whilst I was on holidays with a friend of mine. We were on the island of Ibiza. Staying in the town while enjoying the sunshine, clubbing and everything that went with it. We had booked tickets to see Tinie Tempah in San Antonio at The Ibiza Rocks Hotel.

Whilst sauntering down the main street in San Antonio we were charmingly accosted by a young man who was selling drinks from his bar. He was quite the salesman and was trying his best patter with us. We were non-committal as we wanted to see as much of the town as we could before we hit the gig.

He must have done a quick profile assessment to establish that we were quite possibly a couple of decades older than the usual clientele that he would be selling drinks to.    In his beautiful wisdom he decided to offer what he must have considered to be a community service.

He looked us both in the eye and asked us ‘Cock or balls?’ We were both taken back. Our mouths were open in shock and he repeated the question.’ Cock or balls?’ As neither of us replied to his question and obviously time was of the essence to him, he decided to treat us both.

In the middle of the street, he unzipped his fly and dutifully presented his cock and balls for our viewing. We were aghast and could not stop laughing. It was impossible to resist having a drink in his bar. We had to hand it to him for desperation and innovation. I am pretty sure that his contract did not stipulate that he present his nether regions for viewing to entice clientele.

To this day it makes me smile whenever anyone brings up the subject of Ibiza. I am pretty sure this experience will never be repeated. And if I am ever walking down a street full of bars and someone is enticing me into their bar, I will perhaps refrain from sharing this story with them. Or maybe someday I will go back there and open a bar named ‘Cock and Balls’ in his honor.

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

Goldfinger

Well, I just can’t stop smiling. I have just watched the opening scene for Goldfinger. And what can I say? I can’t stop seeing it. Sean Connery as James Bond is wearing what can only be described as a giant blue Babygro without the legs.

It says something for the man (RIP Sir Sean) that he is able to pull it off.      Although I am pretty sure that is what he must have done when the scene finished.  I referred to him in a previous blog where I brought the female bond names into question and came up with cheesy double entendre male names.

http://adeleleahy.ie/sir-sean-connery-the-only-bond/

Harry Styles is probably the only man of this day and age that could wear such a thing. His style does appear to be reminiscent of David Bowie or Eddie Izzard. Whatever he wears he does with such grace, cheekiness and aplomb. I grew up watching Bond and I do believe it set the bar for all other action blockbusters.

Many are looking back at movies, songs and comedians over the last half a century and calling them out for being misogynistic, sexist and homophobic. They were. But at the time the paradigm of political correctness was not as pervasive as it is today. It’s good to see how far we have come. But we still have a long way to go.

Now, I’m off to find a man that will look as good in a Bond Babygro as 007.Wish me luck.

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

The Ice Man

I have to say I am a bit obsessed with The Ice Man- Wim Hof.    His scientifically proven theories for wellness are awe inspiring. They include deep breathing, mind balance and subjection to the cold. He has been immersed in ice for 2 hours as well as climbing Mount Kilimanjaro in shorts. None of these events changed his core body temperature.

https://www.wimhofmethod.com/iceman-wim-hof

So much so that I have been enjoying his breathing techniques as well as swimming in the cold Irish sea. At times I can feel invincible. I have just come in from walking in a storm with the dogs. The extreme weather and gussets of wind (intentional spelling error-makes me smile……) has energized me .   Not to the point where I plan on climbing Mount Kilimanjaro in shorts but enough to have me dancing and head banging to the Prodigy.

My two dogs were gazing at me with their ‘She’s having one of her crazy moments’ eyes. Like I said in another blog entry, these crazy moments are vital for me.

Wim Hof has been injected with the bacteria e -coli with no symptoms.   He has trained twelve others who were willing to be injected with e coli. They were also asymptomatic. He has many other lofty claims that cannot be discounted due to the rigorous research that he has been subjected to.

Some say he is just a crazy extreme athlete Dutchman. And it’s his craziness for me that make his claims all the more plausible. He is a true inspiration.

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

 

SIRI Translation gone wrong

Back before Covid I had a bout of tonight tits. When I recovered my friend brought me to brunch at a European and sea food restaurant.  She told me that she was allergic to crushed Asians, and ordered eggs been a dick. I had the fuck ah cho before we went to see this pickle me 3 in the sin e ma. The trailer had looked good but looks can be this evening.  My friend resisted buying sweets as she had tattooed diabetes.

This is quite an extreme example of SIRI Translation gone wrong. The correct version is –

Back before Covid I had a bout of Tinnitus. When I recovered my friend brought me to brunch at a European and sea food restaurant. She told me that she was allergic to crustaceans and ordered eggs benedict.  I had the focaccia before we went to see Despicable me 3 in the cinema.  The trailer had looked good but looks can be deceiving.  My friend resisted buying sweets she had type 2 diabetes.

This was quite a few years before Covid when SIRI was quite new. It is much better now.  But every now and then there can still be a few humorous clangers. Tread carefully as I am not sure that she is totally in tune with the Irish accent.

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

 

 

Squirrels go nuts

Wearing a backpack and headphones I watched transfixed as the squirrel busied itself.   Just to clarify I was the one wearing the backpack and headphones. I was listening to a wellness podcast and they were discussing the proclivity of allergies among people of all ages in the world today. Particularly nuts. As I gazed at the squirrel burying his nuts (must have been very painful) I began to think that squirrels may well succeed in world domination someday.  As nut allergies may claim us all. But squirrels will be unscathed.

The next episode in the podcast went onto wellbeing and mental health. But with a different angle to what a lot of us are hearing nowadays. It was discussing how our true nature can be so well hidden beneath all the conditioning from an early age.  I could relate to what they were saying.    But my favorite bit was when they were highlighting how hiding the part of our nature that can be silly, childish and even crazy can be doing us a disservice.

That unleashing the ‘crazy’ every now and then is liberating and can even help our immune system.   It was music to me ears.  That’s it.   All I needed was an excuse. I’m off now to howl at the moon tonight.  And if anyone asks, I can just say that it was the voices in my head that made me, do it.   Bring on the crazy.  All day long.

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

 

 

Schadenfreude

I made a woeful mistake today. I ‘m fairly good at them but this was in a different category altogether. When I told my friend she exhibited very restrained schadenfreude. I had prefaced the confession with the admission that I am a complete gobshite. There really was no saving face or coming back from it.

I had been chatting with my friend last month and she mentioned that the mother of one of the girls we know had passed away.  There is a group of us that get together for a reunion about once a year and within the group two of the girls have very similar names.

See, where I am going here? Anyhoo, I sent my condolences to the wrong person for the passing of their Mam.  She graciously messaged me back and corrected me saying that her Mam was fine.  I was mortified and returned the message with the humblest of apologies.

We attempted to dissect last month’s conversation to try and analyze how I could have gotten it wrong. The miscommunication did become apparent but it was still my responsibility at the time to clarify the news. I now realize that when I am being given grievous news, I really need to clarify the information. Or else stick my fingers in my ears and sing ‘La, la, la, la,’ in a high-pitched voice to prevent any further screw ups.

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele