Month: June 2021

My friends that I have the pleasure of swimming with were telling me of a man that we often see down at Low Rock where we swim.    He is not particularly bashful when dressing or undressing pre- and post-swimming.

However, they told me that they had seen much more than they had bargained for the previous day.     Apparently, he took the term ‘Low Rock’ literally as they said that his were hanging very low above the rocks for all to see and admire.

He is not unusual in his manner.   For various reasons many of us have on occasion most likely had our bits out for show whilst dressing.  This inspired me to think of a ‘Low Rock Calendar’.

Think ‘The Calendar Girls (and Boys)’ but without any grace or dignity whatsoever.  It could also be called the nipple, rock and camel toe calendar.

This could perhaps be the most alternative calendar out there.  Who needs nice pictures of folk posing to highlight their best side when our calendar could have the following

January– Female Camel Toe Month-perfectly illustrated above by Ms.Minaj

February– Low Rock Month- as in the man mentioned above.

March– Nipples out Month

April– Wedgie Month

May– Budgie smuggler Month

June– No waxing lady garden Month

July – Mankini Month. Praise Sacha Baron Cohen and ‘Borat’ for this magnificent invention.

August- Dodgy tan lines Month

September– Dodgy swimsuit Month. Meghan and Harry/Hairy at their finest.

October– String suit Month

November– Spaniel’s Ears Month (I can model for this one)

December– Male Camel Toe Month

Let me know what you think and which charity may wish to benefit from such an amazing calendar.

 

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

I hear you’re a racist now, Father

https://youtu.be/6zkL91LzCMc

I was reminded of my trip to Achill when I came across this clip-on YouTube the other day. We were driving around the Island looking for the beautiful Silver Strand Beach when I stopped to ask a local lady for directions.  Her looks and manner reminded me of the character in this video.  The lady wearing the wellies.   The fact that we were also on a remote Island was not lost on me either.

She was so friendly and we chatted for a while.   It almost appeared that she may have been working for Achill Tourism as she was keen to ensure that we were aware of all of the scenic spots on the Island.

The weather was woeful and we were anxious to find the beach before the weather got any worse.  But she kept on chatting and advising us where to go for groceries and take away food.  When we drove away, we were still wonderfully amazed and surprised by her friendliness.

On the subject of racism Little Britain’s ‘Marjorie’ has to be one of the most offensive and openly prejudiced and racist characters out there.

Little Britain Mira/Moira Compilation

https://youtu.be/YpiAhxaE_oI

I am pretty sure that this sketch would not be allowed today but it does not detract from the fact that it is hilarious.  It also parodies a racist which is refreshing in and of itself.  Who wants to be one of them?

Here is Dave Chapelle in all his magnificence discussing racism.

 

 

 

 

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

There were 13 in our group. Which meant that after 13 shots and a few more drinkees in between we were all fairly paraletic.    At one point we were all trying to dance the flamenco which got us thrown out of one of the bars.   I don’t think that they appreciated our piss poor and inebriated effort.

Another smutty one was ‘Roses are red, violets are fine, you be the 6 and I ‘ll be the 9’. Which was also a hit with the guy it was delivered to. No surprise there.

One of the girls in our group was a frequent one-night stander as she did not want to be in a relationship. After a few drinks she told me that she had ‘more cocks than a fairground rifle’. Which made me howl laughing.

Her line was ‘Come on you’ll do’ which she loved.  She had a successful one-night stand but told us that she really liked him and wanted to keep in touch with him after the holiday.

She also told us that her suitor broke his collar bone by slipping on the contents of his condom during the night that he had not knotted and failed to throw in the bin.  When he had not called as promised her reply to our concern and empathy was ‘Well there’s no point crying over spilt spunk’ which had us all in stitches again.

Definitely my fav Hen weekend with all the debauchery and giggles to remember.

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

I was chatting to somebody the other day who mentioned that she was attending a Hen Weekend. I was reminded of a trip to Barcelona I went on in the early noughties with a great group of girlies to celebrate an upcoming nuptial.

One of the group brought a really cool pack of ‘pick up lines’ cards. We sifted through them and picked out the ones that resonated with us all. The new deck was shuffled and each Hen picked a card.

The forfeit was that if you failed to complete the chat up line with a guy from our Porto Olympic bar crawl in Barcelona you would have to do a shot of the groups choosing.

All was going well and we each appeared to have chosen a card that suited each of our personalities. Mine was ‘Is this seat taken?’ which was to be said as I touched a guy’s arse.    I dutifully delivered my line to a very cute Spaniard who ran a mile as though he had been sexually assaulted.   Which looking back was most probably the case.

Here are some of my faves.

‘One-ton polar bear?’

‘Well, that broke the ice’. Well, at least it was clean and kinda cute.

One of the girls had to check the label on a guy’s shirt and ask ‘Are you boyfriend material?’ Which in fairness was not one of the worst lines to deliver.

We had to get back to being smutty with ‘I am not into watching sunsets but I would love to see you go down’. The girl who had to use the line ended up with her guy for the night and she attested to his skills the following day.

Everything was going so well as there were no forfeits and we decided that if you successfully delivered the line the entire group would do a shot.     Which seemed like a much better idea at the time.

Part 2 tomorrow

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

Buzz (my dog) loves barking.   But then again, I suppose most dogs do. He is particularly good at it.   As he likes to get as much practice as possible.

The Maltese Terrier mix (Morkie)  are known for being quite feisty.  He is spoilt rotten and can get very anxious at times.  As he is five years old now, I must say that he barks less now than he did a few years ago.    I like to put this down to my dog training skills.     But to be honest it is more likely that he barks less because he just can’t be arsed.

I live in a ground floor apartment and my neighbors above me have voiced their disdain on a few occasions with regards to his barking.   Getting ‘Finn’ my second Morkie added fuel to the fire as they could not comprehend how I would add to the problem instead of fixing it.    In my defense I wanted a playmate for Buzz and felt that another dog might settle his nerves a bit.   And I was kind of right as he has somewhat settled.

Anyhoo my neighbors went on holiday this week. Buzz and Finn have gotten a few extra barks in – just to let it out of their system. I have too. However maybe howling at the moon last night was taking my new found liberty too far……….

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

https://youtu.be/g4AgzQvFNZs

How wonderful is Catherine Tate and the beautiful Daniel Craig in this comedy sketch for BBC Comic Relief?  Whilst swimming yesterday a Daniel Craig lookalike was spotted by me and one of my friends getting into the sea.

His blue swimming trunks accentuated his magnificent six pack and the muscular V beneath which apparently are called ‘sex line’s. Who knew? Certainly not me and I must say that it was quite a pleasurable piece of research.

Our third friend had missed the spectacle and we had her primed for the next sighting.   It was like ‘The lesser spotted Daniel Craig lookalike’.    Or a bit like seeing a unicorn.  You heard that they are mythical – as in you have seen Daniel Craig in the movie but can never imagine that anyone could even remotely resemble him in real life’.  As he was getting into the sea I was humming ‘Skyfall’ beneath my breath and I think that he might have heard me.

When he got out of the sea, he stood in front of us and hesitated for a moment.   I was not sure if he was looking out to sea or if he was talking to his girlfriend.   However, I actually think that he may have heard me humming ‘Skyfall’ and decided to indulge our lascivious nature. He made our day.   The male human form in all its ripped glory.

Ooooh the thought of him. I think I am getting the vapors. Where’s my fan? I feel somewhat light headed.

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

Early on in Kim’s career she was one of the first reality stars to frequently use social media as a live focus group. Her fans assisted her in making decisions such as what the color of her new perfume bottle should be.

As ‘Keeping up with the Kardashian’s’ is now over Kim is obviously focusing on her own personal brands now which are enormously successful.  Whilst I admire Kim for being the business entrepreneur that she is. I can also identify when she misses the mark.

Case in point being covering her 200k Lamborghini in Skims material to promote her new range of underwear.

As some of her fans (and non-fans also) pointed out, it appeared to be a reckless act of somebody who is unsure of how to spend their wealth.   I can agree and also disagree, after all it is her money and she is perfectly entitled to spend it as she deems fit. I do think that it may not have been the strongest of marketing choices.

Butt (sorry, couldn’t resist) as Leonard Cohen eloquently wrote ‘There is a crack in everything, that is how the light gets through’.  So, Kim is flawed, just like the rest of us mere mortals. And my oh my what a mighty crack she has (not at all sorry about that one).

 

That’s all for now

Stay fab

Adele

This has to be a perfect parody of Kim Kardashian’s arse beautifully portrayed by Dawn French. ( Besides my poem of course). Here it is below- just as a reminder. It is my favorite poem.

This photo is of AJ Rochester in her version of Kim’s famous ‘Break the Internet’ magazine front cover.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2838903/Ajay-Rochester-slips-GARBAGE-BAG-bizarre-parody-Kim-Kardashian-s-famous-shoot.html

 

Kim Kardashian’s Arse

What a sight to behold
She is outrageous, she is bold
She tried to break the Internet
She displayed her finest virtue, took the bet
We all marveled at her rump
I questioned how she took a dump?
The poor girl what must she do ?
When she really needs a poo?
Must take an hour to appear
As it travels out her rear
The mighty chasm it has to negotiate
The porcelain bowl it’s trying to locate
When at last it sees the light
Oh that poor old sorry shite
It must enter the bowl with glee
Then get showered with a wee
Kim’s cleaning saga commences
As the mile of paper dispenses
Can’t leave a trace
As she struggles with the race
She has another hour to clean her rear
To make the skid marks disappear
Mayb she can install an arse  power wash?
Wouldn’t matter how much dosh
As long as her mighty rear was clean
For when a suitor might investigate the scene
Or  for when she next unveils her arse
As surely brown speed stripes would embarrass?
God bless her glorious rear
And her incessant quest for cheer
May her days be filled with glee
But her ass? Please let it be.

 

That’s all for now

Stay fab

Adele

‘I was trying to watch ‘Driving Miss Daisy ‘and ‘Bangkok Chick boys’ came on instead’.  This clip gives me serious giggles.

The first time I saw this episode with Sally Phillips I was in shock.  Once I stopped laughing.  It was her acting.  She didn’t seem like she was acting at all. I was in awe of her skill.

Alan Partridge, or ‘Steve Coogan’ as we know him is always hilarious but Sally Philips was such a lovely surprise.  I would love to know how many takes they had to do to capture this scene.  Even now when I watch it, I still cannot believe that she is acting.

I watched ‘Driving Miss Daisy’ the other week.  It is such a beautiful movie.  It seemed to inform my weekend in a weird way.  Whenever I was out driving everyone was driving at approx. 30mph.   Primarily for the reason that they were behind cyclists and could not overtake them.

I found myself saying ‘ Why I might as well be walking’.  But instead of getting angry I decided to enjoy the coastal view. No resentments for me towards cyclists. No siree. I just hope that those who held up a mile of traffic are still extremely sore from their lyra chaffing in the heat. No siree. No resentments for me.

That’s all for now

Stay fab

Adele

On our last day myself and two friends all witnessed a beautiful brown hair when we looked out of our bedroom windows.  I was staying in a different room which made a lovely coincidence as apparently (according to the owner of the Bed and Breakfast) they are quite rare as they are shy and generally only come out at night.

When I first saw it, I thought that it was a rabbit with unusually long back legs as I am not an expert on the Leporid family which (according to Google) is the name of the family that they are from.

He was bouncing around quite happily and weaving his way around the sheep in the field by our guesthouse before disappearing into another field.  I felt like I was in a scene of ‘Watership Down’. As they say ‘Hare today gone tomorrow’.

I must add that this photo is not an actual photo but he looked very similar.

I initially thought that I should name this blog ‘A Baaad Hare Day’ but then decided to give it a more positive spin.   After swimming my hair did look like I had been dragged through a bush backwards but at this stage I didn’t really care.  The weather cleared up somewhat.   At least to the point where the sky was no longer falling.

We still had three beautiful swims. On one of them I spotted 2 large crabs.  They were beautiful and about the size of a football.  All in all, it was a baaa-ewe tiful Hare Day and I was not crabby at all.

That’s all for now

Stay fab

Adele