My Blog

Continuing on from ‘The Elf’s’ latest adventure featured in yesterday’s blog

http://adeleleahy.ie/elf-on-the-shelf/

As you can see from the photo The Elf is now officially off the shelf and may I say looking all the better for it.

I realized this morning that I would need to possibly elucidate how The Elf became betrothed.  It would also be prudent to share that I have been asked to be The Elf’s agent which I am rather pleased about. Considering the upcoming  furore due to the impending Panorama interview and the onslaught of the paparazzi my appointment is timely.

The Elf has announced that it met its partner through ‘Wagger’, a new dating app for animals, originally for dogs. This is one of many apps for dating for animals but what sets this apart is its exclusive membership for exotic animals and festive stars such as reindeer, unicorns and elves.  The other unique feature is that both the animal and the human can both find playdates/ romantic dates.  The Elf has been asked to be the spokesperson for this app however it is as yet to identify who it has married.  Paddy Power is taking bets for the following

1. Rudolph – Odds 8/1
2. The Grinch – The Elf has recently been discharged from rehab for its addiction to its wild and self-sabotaging lifestyle. Some say that they may have met in rehab. My sources have yet to clarify. Odds 15/1
3. The gingerbread man- Odds 20/1

Tomorrow I will share Buzz’s ‘Wagger’ bio (as he is desperate for a lady dog friend) and any further news on the Elf’s lifetime partner.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

 

‘Elf on the shelf’ so there is a sexist statement if I ever heard one? Ouch, that hurt. I just fell off my self- righteous high horse. The feckin elf pushed me.

According to its name it must have been female and unmarried. It’s just as well that reports now confirm its elopement and betrothal. I am looking forward to the renaming ceremony where ‘on the shelf’ will be removed.

My sources have also confirmed that it will soon be publishing a tell all book to reveal the squalid and oppressive conditions of its employment for the last many years. This will be a full expose where details of torture such as being stuck to a toilet overnight will be revealed. Staying awake overnight in a fridge and suffering hypothermia as a result are also experiences that the Elf would rather forget.

Apparently, Santa was unaware of the Elf’s dreadful experiences. The Elf did not want to risk being the whistle-blower.  ‘Martin Bashir’ will be airing a panorama interview with said Elf on Christmas Eve where every detail of its torturous life will be discussed. There are rumors that it will be retiring in 2021. Elf has suffered from COVID this year following double pneumonia caused by hypothermia.

For now, we are unaware of who The Elf married. But rumors abound that it may be Rudolph.  If this happens Christmas for 2021 will be in serious jeopardy as Santa may well be down two of his most loyal staff.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

I bought this feckin Bonsai last year. And look at it I can’t even return it.

All kidding aside I’ve realized that life is often about expectations. And how I manage them can determine my peace of mind at any given time. A mind in pieces or peace of mind? I prefer the latter anytime. And a latte if there is one going.

I’ve also realized that whilst I can be quick enough to pick up and learn new things that I can be just as dim in many other respects.  I suppose I am as good as I am bad.

Case in point.  I left Finn in the crate in the car the other day with Buzz.  I was gone no more than usual, 20 minutes.  As Buzz is 4 years old, I can trust him to not eat my car therefore he is not in a crate. Finn has done this. As in eaten my car. He chewed my gear stick, seat belt, brake and arm rest.  For some reason I hoped each time that he would not. Optimism (stupidity) reigned supreme.  Each time I was proved wrong. Hence the crate.

I need to put a harness on Finn as he still pulls whilst walking.  I don’t mean pulls other dogs, as in gets his jiggy on (like yesterday’s blog) but pulls me along like he is a feckin Rudolph pulling Santa on his sleigh.

Anyhoo I left the harness on him, again, thinking, that he would not chew it off him. And guess what? Gobshite extraordinaire Leahy has to buy a new harness. I would like to say I have learnt for the final time but there will be another day when I will try and see if he is over chewing anything and everything phase.

Maybe I will get him to tackle the overgrown Bonsai tree?  I have no doubt that he could whittle it down to a pencil in a few hours.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

http://www.youtube.com/shorts/MfUhUoLjtSg

Last year when Finn was a puppy, I brought him to my friend’s house in Athenry , Galway.  She has a beautiful labradoodle named Charlie who is 11 years old but still acts like a gorgeous affectionate puppy.  Both Buzz and Finn loved playing with Charlie in my friend’s garden.  They were in doggy heaven.

We had a lovely doggie walk in the bog area close to her home. When we returned, I expected that they would be tired. However, Finn took a fancy to Charlie’s leg and started humping it.

I had to get it on video as Charlie was so nonchalant about the whole thing.  He just stood there and didn’t move. As if to say, ‘I always knew I was irresistible but I never knew that my back leg was so sexy.  Off you go Finn, knock yourself out.  It’s all yours ‘.

I am relieved to say that this behavior has stopped and in fact it is a year and a half since this video was taken and he has not done it since.  He obviously was well sated after this loving tryst and has not felt the need to repeat his performance.   It is just as well as I am pretty sure that there is not another dog in Ireland that would react in such a calm and carefree manner.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

 

Bliss

Listening to my minds voice
I choose choice
Freedom of will
I choose to stand still
To sense the earth’s pulse beneath the soil
To listen and not to toil
To inhale the earth’s breath on the wind
To my bliss I will attend

I will bathe in the sea
Let its watery kiss caress me
Let the wind blow my mind
Then let it whisper kind
Words to soothe my soul
With the birdsong to make me whole

The doubts and wherefores
Can scurry along
As my heart swells
And my senses belong

Too long I have counted the cost of my pain
Day mares reliving again and again
The seething resentment
Becomes soothing content
The ego and pride
Have been moved aside

Whilst I whisper my blessings
And give thanks for the day
As long as I have this moment

I will always find a way.

By Adele Leahy

When Finn was a puppy for some reason, he was blessed with two sets of testicles. As we say in Ireland ‘To be sure, to be sure’. Why have one set when you can have two?  I affectionately named him ‘4 balled Finn’.

One day I brought him to the vet and asked the vet why he had two sets and showed him the photo. He said that the second set were not testicles but enlarged glands. I was somewhat relieved yet disappointed at the same time.

It was not that I had any intentions of enrolling him in a freak canine circus (they are very popular in Outer Mongolia) with me bellowing ‘Roll up, roll up, come and see 4 balled Finn ‘. It was more that I enjoyed entertaining the idea that he had two sets when most other canines had one.

He has had the snip and his second set are no more. Some say that a dog can lose some of his character after the procedure but I am glad to say that he is as feisty and affectionate as ever. A proper little cuddle monster. For the purposes of full disclosure and transparency Finn did sign a consent to release this photo considering that it is of such an intimate nature.

 

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

 

I am not a massive Blur fan but I adore ‘Song 2’.   I saw them in 2015 when they headlined Saturday night at Electric Picnic. They were amazing and I particularly loved that Damon Albarn had been investigating his heritage and had discovered that he was 11% Irish.

He was immensely proud of the fact which garnered a triumphant ‘Ole, Ole, Ole’ from the crowd.  When they sang ‘Song 2’, no one needed an excuse to go mental and much moshing was had.    I never understood the Britpop Oasis and Blur rivalry as I always thought that Blur were far superior.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSbBvKaM6sk

 

My favorite part of the song is the beginning when he screams ‘Woo Hoo’.  I was in the car the other day and as it came on the radio I bellowed ‘Woo hoo’, before he sang it. For some reason I just needed to feel rebellious even for a second. Perhaps I need to get out more?

Now there’s a line that was pretty much deleted from the vernacular this year.  Following ‘Woo Hoo’ the song descends into a pure punk symphony.

Later I was in the shops buying my groceries and I saw that they had freshly cooked grilled chicken. I roared ‘Woo Hoo’, just like Damon Albarn.  Nobody was impressed and the guy removing the chickens from the oven nearly dropped them. It’s one rule for Blur and one rule for the rest of us.  I realize now that it is probably best not to sing random words from songs at the top of my voice at inappropriate moments particularly in a supermarket.

BTW I did not bellow ‘Woo Hoo’ in the supermarket. But I was sorely tempted.

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

 

Why are there so many songs about rivers? Songwriters and singers never seem to get enough of going down to the river. They are either crossing the river holding it back. And even pissing in the river (Patti Smith) See list below

1. Springsteen – The River
2. Talking heads- Take me to the river
3. Ella Henderson-Ghost River
4. Andy Williams-Moon River
5. Boney M – The Rivers of Babylon
6. UB40- Many Rivers to cross
7. Al Green – Take me to the river
8. Justin Timberlake – Cry me a River
9. James Bay – Hold back the river
10. Neil Young – Down by the River
11. Jimmy Cliff – Many Rivers to cross

And of course, my favorite

 

12. Patti Smith – Pissing in a river

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhDJZm_HyXY

(Who knew? not me, that’s for sure) – It’s available to buy on Amazon for anyone who is interested.

Just because all of these artists seem to have a river at the end of their garden does not necessarily mean that the rest of us mere mortals have the same luxury.

Anyhoo I am off to fix the lock on my canal. No one writes about them, do they?

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

 

This year has been hard, and so very very sad. So many have lost their loved ones. My thoughts and prayers go out to those that have.

Due to the ongoing restrictions, I have decided to send my hologram to any events that I might be invited to. I don’t actually have a hologram but I am working on it. If anybody calls and asks me why it didn’t turn up, I will reply in a shocked manner and say that I need to return to the design company that I bought my hologram from. And to ask them why it failed to turn up,

I shall embellish the story by describing my hologram in detail and what I am wearing. My hologram has no VPL, hair like Kylie Minogue, a body like Charlize Theron and lips like Angelina Jolie.

My hologram – let’s just call her ‘Holly’ – would not suffer from Tourette’s, have the most impeccable manners and be incapable of telling rude crude jokes. Basically, a very much improved model of myself.

I shall wax lyrical on the design process and how long it took to complete the finished result. By which time I am pretty sure the caller will have nodded off.

I shall keep you posted regarding the progress of ‘Holly’.

 

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

We Irish are not averse to a good ole decent turf war. Considering our country produces the best quality turf. However, the latest is not so much a turf war as a surf war. Meaning the sea swimming Dry Robers vs the sea swimming anti Dry Robers.

So much so that The Guardian featured an article referencing our plight.  In particular the notice erected in Sandycove by an aggrieved anti Dry Rober.

In the large scale of things, and considering our current climate, I realize that this is a first world problem of minuscule importance.  (WPA-Woeful puns alert. The following text may make you cringe and grimace due to the unsolicited use of dreadful puns).

For the swimmers that do decide to shell out the 150-160 euro I can only assume that it must be worth it. They must keep one very very dry indeed.    Although I would like to emphasize that when we all come out of the sea, we are all rather wet and cold. Usually a towel, several layers and a coat have generally succeeded in restoring one to a dry state.

I first spotted a person wearing a dry robe in 2019 and as I had been harboring notions of sea swimming for years, I became quite envious of their emblazoned attire.

This summer I was asked to join two awesome sea warriors in their thrice weekly swim. One of the girls mentioned the Sandycove notice and I immediately understood their perspective. The hippy in me began to deduce that Dryrobes  (because of their cost) were making sea swimming an elitist hobby. This upset me as the sea is such a magnificent free natural phenomenon that surely sea swimming could not incite a surf/class war?

This was my initial reaction and then I decided that there will always be something to divide people and create perceived snobbery. Whether it is cars, earbuds, phones or sportswear. My motto is live and let live.

We are not all the same, and Thank God we never will be. Otherwise, the world would be a very dull place. So what if someone wants to cozy up in their Dry Robe? Can we not be more tolerant, instead of less tolerant, particularly during these times?

Sea swimming can be spine tinglingly cold at times. But also, incredibly invigorating. Whatever floats your boat, just enjoy and Carpe Diem (Seize the day.     I could have said ‘Seaze (Sea-geddit? ) the day, but I resisted, as that would be going too far.

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

P.S Pun therapy is ongoing but is largely unsuccessful.