Yay, today is my 400th blog. If you have read any of my previous blogs you will know that I have a propensity for being silly as well as suffering from ‘Punitis’ which I have now been told is an incurable condition. Once upon a time, I believed that ‘a pun a day would keep the Doctor away’ but sadly this has proven to be untrue.
Years of pun therapy have failed and I have finally reconciled myself with this affliction. I must say that it is somewhat of a relief as I have also sourced an online zoom support group and we currently meet weekly.
It can take some time to get through the minutes of the meeting as being pun artists we are constantly making puns about the items on the agenda. Our baseline pun tally is one hundred for a sixty-minute meeting and we hope that we can reduce this by at least fifty per cent within six months. Unfortunately, there are only six of us in the meeting at the moment so we have a long way to go but I am forever hopeful. I pinch myself nowadays when in conversation and I feel myself about to make a pun and at times this can help.
If there are any other punmeisters out there that would like to join our support group please feel free to get in touch.
All the best
I am turtelly in love with Turtles and thrilled to shellebrate ‘World Turtle Day’. One of my fondest memories was a scuba dive in Oman where a turtle accompanied me on my dive for what seemed like ten minutes. The two of us were merrily swimming around the reef with not a care in the world. My buddy diver was behind me but this turtle appeared to want to be our very chilled marine guide.
A turtle is a reptile and according to Hinduism the God of turtles is ‘Kurma’ which I believe to very apt as they have the best ‘karma’ of any reptile that I know. To be honest I don’t really know any reptiles but ‘Kurma’ is such a lovely name for their God.
I think if I was to be re incarnated, I would have to be greedy and ask that I embody the following
- A Sloth- For when the need to chill is supreme
- A Turtle- When I need a little bit of exercise.
- A dolphin- for when I want to go nuts in the sea.
Buddhism, Hinduism and Sikhism all celebrate reincarnation. Maybe I will have to become a Buddhist, a Sikh and a Hindu to achieve my triple reincarnation goal?
I am off to delve into some hard-core theology.
Wish me luck.
All the best
The following is written from the perspective of the man who married his dog
( See May 2nd and 9th blogs) and is a purely fictional account of the event.
Can you count all the puns?
I was a bit husky and melon collie following a big nite out and lab dance. Doesn’t really mutter. But being hungover I em-barked upon my idea to marry my dog. Many people poo pood the idea. They said it was lunacy and impawsible. In life I take the woof with the smooth and rarely unleash my crazy side but as I love my dog so much, I felt it was my life’s pawpose to marry him.
Some said to call the Dogtor. Conventional dog-ma does not concern me. I didn’t care. Before I asked for Honey’s paw in marriage I thought – Howl I ever live without you?
Gladly Honey said ‘yes’ and gave me a’ Honey facial special’ in thanks. Next, I called all my friends. Some were surprised. One said he thought I was having him on and I said
‘I shih-tzu not!
My friends, the ‘pawty people’ were all delighted to attend the wedding.
Our first dance was our favourite ‘ Don’t collie me maybe ‘ by Carly Rae Jepson.
Other hits that were played included the most obvious floor filler
-Who. let the dogs out, followed by
-The Beagles-Set list
-Don’t stop retrieving
-Pink Floyd- Bark side of the moon
-Elvis-You ain’t nothing but a pound dog
-I like big mutts and I cannot lie
-The Border Collie ( The Borders by Sam Fender)
After the wedding we watched Jurassic Bark, Marley and me and Mary Puppins. We had plenty of Pawsecco and Pupcorn.
All the best
A self-described ‘religious guy,’ he said he could no longer stand the guilt of living with the canine cutie out of wedlock.
But, ‘it’s not sexual,’ he assured the wedding guests.
Honey, dressed for her big day in a white cape, was adopted by her husband five years ago when she was just a puppy.
One afternoon, the pair decided on the wedding during a walk-through Laurel Bank Park.
Spying another wedding taking place, Mr Guiso had an idea.
‘I said “that could be us”,’ he told The Toowoomba Chronicle.
‘She didn’t say anything, so I took that as a yes. He then went on to say that he is mutts about Honey and feels so fur-tunate to have her in his life. Mr Guiso claims that since he met Honey, he has a new leash on life and remains paws-itive in his outlook and impending marriage. According to Mr Guiso, people who hate dogs are re-pug-nant.
When asked if he ever gets tired of all the canine puns, he admitted that they can sometimes become a bit labradorious ( laborious……ok, that one is a bit of a stretch) but that he can see how his actions can be seen as unusual. He had thought of going to ‘Paw Paw New Guinea’ for their honeymoon until he learnt that some of the tribes there eat dogs.
You will finally be put out of your misery with the dog puns tomorrow.
All the best
Who knew a human could marry their dog? Not me. But Joseph Guiso from Australia loved his Labrador’ Honey’ so much that he decided to marry her. So, there you go, you learn something new every day. They were ‘joined in matrimony’ at Toowoomba’s Laurel Bank Park – and the real surprise is that 30 friends and family members turned up to witness the event. That’s the bit that cracks me up. Not the man marrying his dog.
‘You’re my best friend and you make every pawt of my day better,’ Mr. Guiso read in his vows.
WARNING- The following text contains numerous puns which may cause the reader to wince and or possibly even gurn. And BTW, I make no apologies whatsoever for said puns. My regular pun therapy has completely and utterly failed and my punitis is worse than it has ever been. It is an affliction that I am now reconciled to living with.
He never knew such love was pawsible and in no way was his decision to marry his dog cavalier. Having had a woof time with human partners he developed a newfound land (I know, it’s a stretch, but it made me giggle) respect for dogs when he found Honey.
I wonder if he said in his vows
‘To lab and to hold fur ever. Fur richer, fur pawrer’.
If it had been a daschund, would he have said
‘Fur better and fur wurst?’
Perhaps the wedding was catered for by a local Chinese restaurant called ‘Chow chow’. Or maybe they had pizza, pupperoni being the speciality of the day. Washed down with lots of Cava. I believe the church was hounded by the puparazzi and the wedding was featured in ‘Vanity Fur’.
All the best