Imperfecked

Kilmurvey Beach on Inis Mor, Aran Island.

I have researched this day-June 13th– only to discover that it is of no significance whatsoever to anyone, anywhere in the world. It is not World Gardening Day, World Wind Day or World Pet Day and I shall not bore you with the hundreds of other days that are celebrated. Although World Groundhog Day should really be repeated every day if you think about it for long enough.

In failing to have a subject for this blog I have decided that I am imperfecked. Yesterday I realized that the word ‘fecked’ is beautifully and silently woven into the word ‘imperfect’. And my personal meaning for this word is that I am fecked if I am going to try and be perfect anymore, as it does not work for me. Never has, never will. I am reconciling myself with my imperfections.

However, June 13th is of special significance to me as my lucky number is thirteen and I am also born on the last day of this month. This year I have decided that I will celebrate every day in June. Last weekend I had the pleasure of joining some friends for a trip to Inis Mor, one of the Aran Islands. The sun shone and we had a beautiful day swimming at Kilmurvey beach. The sand on the beach was like white powder and it really was a perfect day.

Upon finishing this blog, I remembered that I forgot to celebrate a few June days last week. So, there you go, I have been reminded yet again of being imperfecked. And perfectly grand with the notion too.

All the best

Stay Fab

Adele

World Ocean Day

To celebrate World Ocean Day today I posted the following on Twitter. Seaze the day is also the name of one of my short stories but as I like the term so much, I felt the need to re-use it.

Seaze the Day

The sea pulses within me.

It is my frequen-sea.

I bathe in its ecsta-sea.

And exalt in its serenity.

 

Walking Buzz and Finn on the beach is my happy place. Collecting oyster shells is also something that I enjoy doing on my walks. They are on display on the ground and on the window sill outside my home. The shell in the picture has to be the most beautiful one that I have ever seen as the colors of bronze and gold inside the shell are so vivid.

I would also like to re-visit my poem -The Abalone Sea.

The Abalone Sea

My soul wails seeking solace

From the grime and the menace

As I hear the ocean chorus

I am drawn to my bliss

The gulls call me

Beckoning to their abalone sea

Aquamarine soul energy

Clambering through the dunes joyfully

My bare feet curl on the ribs of sand

I witness the ocean wave its cresting hand

The graceful sea grass whispers to my mind

Taste the sea air, inhale, unwind.

My angst begins to unfurl

My empty shell becoming impearled

The ocean’s labradorite hues become my world

As I glisten within becoming a little girl

 

 

Here is a picture of the Abalone shell from New Zealand. One of the most beautiful shells in the world.

All the best

Stay Fab

Adele

My 400th Blog and Punitis.

Yay, today is my 400th blog. If you have read any of my previous blogs you will know that I have a propensity for being silly as well as suffering from ‘Punitis’ which I have now been told is an incurable condition. Once upon a time, I believed that ‘a pun a day would keep the Doctor away’ but sadly this has proven to be untrue.

Years of pun therapy have failed and I have finally reconciled myself with this affliction. I must say that it is somewhat of a relief as I have also sourced an online zoom support group and we currently meet weekly.

It can take some time to get through the minutes of the meeting as being pun artists we are constantly making puns about the items on the agenda. Our baseline pun tally is one hundred for a sixty-minute meeting and we hope that we can reduce this by at least fifty per cent within six months. Unfortunately, there are only six of us in the meeting at the moment so we have a long way to go but I am forever hopeful. I pinch myself nowadays when in conversation and I feel myself about to make a pun and at times this can help.

If there are any other punmeisters out there that would like to join our support group please feel free to get in touch.

All the best

Stay Fab

Adele

World Turtle Day

I am turtelly in love with Turtles and thrilled to shellebrate ‘World Turtle Day’. One of my fondest memories was a scuba dive in Oman where a turtle accompanied me on my dive for what seemed like ten minutes. The two of us were merrily swimming around the reef with not a care in the world. My buddy diver was behind me but this turtle appeared to want to be our very chilled marine guide.

A turtle is a reptile and according to Hinduism the God of turtles is ‘Kurma’ which I believe to very apt as they have the best ‘karma’ of any reptile that I know. To be honest I don’t really know any reptiles but ‘Kurma’ is such a lovely name for their God.

I think if I was to be re incarnated, I would have to be greedy and ask that I embody the following

  1. A Sloth- For when the need to chill is supreme
  2. A Turtle- When I need a little bit of exercise.
  3. A dolphin- for when I want to go nuts in the sea.

Buddhism, Hinduism and Sikhism all celebrate reincarnation. Maybe I will have to become a Buddhist, a Sikh and a Hindu to achieve my triple reincarnation goal?

I am off to delve into some hard-core theology.

Wish me luck.

All the best

Stay Fab

Adele

Man marries his dog- Pawt three -of three

The following is written from the perspective of the man who married his dog

( See May 2nd and 9th blogs) and is a purely fictional account of the event.

Can you count all the puns?

I was a bit husky and melon collie following a big nite out and lab dance. Doesn’t really mutter. But being hungover I em-barked upon my idea to marry my dog. Many people poo pood the idea. They said it was lunacy and impawsible. In life I take the woof with the smooth and rarely unleash my crazy side but as I love my dog so much, I felt it was my life’s pawpose to marry him.

Some said to call the Dogtor. Conventional dog-ma does not concern me. I didn’t care. Before I asked for Honey’s paw in marriage I thought – Howl I ever live without you?

Gladly Honey said ‘yes’ and gave me a’ Honey facial special’ in thanks. Next, I called all my friends. Some were surprised. One said he thought I was having him on and I said

‘I shih-tzu not!

My friends, the ‘pawty people’ were all delighted to attend the wedding.

Our first dance was our favourite ‘ Don’t collie me maybe ‘ by Carly Rae Jepson.

Other hits that were played included the most obvious floor filler

-Who. let the dogs out, followed by

-The Beagles-Set list

-Don’t stop retrieving

-Pink Floyd- Bark side of the moon

-Elvis-You ain’t nothing but a pound dog

-I like big mutts and I cannot lie

-Puptown girl

-The Border Collie ( The Borders by Sam Fender)

 

After the wedding we watched Jurassic Bark, Marley and me and Mary Puppins. We had plenty of Pawsecco and Pupcorn.

 

All the best

Stay Fab

Adele

Man marries his dog -Pawt two-of three

A self-described ‘religious guy,’ he said he could no longer stand the guilt of living with the canine cutie out of wedlock.

But, ‘it’s not sexual,’ he assured the wedding guests.

Honey, dressed for her big day in a white cape, was adopted by her husband five years ago when she was just a puppy.

One afternoon, the pair decided on the wedding during a walk-through Laurel Bank Park.

Spying another wedding taking place, Mr Guiso had an idea.

‘I said “that could be us”,’ he told The Toowoomba Chronicle.

‘She didn’t say anything, so I took that as a yes. He then went on to say that he is mutts about Honey and feels so fur-tunate to have her in his life. Mr Guiso claims that since he met Honey, he has a new leash on life and remains paws-itive in his outlook and impending marriage. According to Mr Guiso, people who hate dogs are re-pug-nant.

When asked if he ever gets tired of all the canine puns, he admitted that they can sometimes become a bit labradorious ( laborious……ok, that one is a bit of a stretch) but that he can see how his actions can be seen as unusual. He had thought of going to ‘Paw Paw New Guinea’ for their honeymoon until he learnt that some of the tribes there eat dogs.

You will finally be put out of your misery with the dog puns tomorrow.

All the best

Stay Fab

Adele

Man marries his dog -Pawt One -of three

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1334993/amp/Joseph-Guiso-marries-dog-Honey-sunset-ceremony.html

Who knew a human could marry their dog? Not me. But Joseph Guiso from Australia loved his Labrador’ Honey’ so much that he decided to marry her. So, there you go, you learn something new every day. They were ‘joined in matrimony’ at Toowoomba’s Laurel Bank Park – and the real surprise is that 30 friends and family members turned up to witness the event. That’s the bit that cracks me up. Not the man marrying his dog.

‘You’re my best friend and you make every pawt of my day better,’ Mr. Guiso read in his vows.

WARNING- The following text contains numerous puns which may cause the reader to wince and or possibly even gurn. And BTW, I make no apologies whatsoever for said puns. My regular pun therapy has completely and utterly failed and my punitis is worse than it has ever been. It is an affliction that I am now reconciled to living with.

He never knew such love was pawsible and in no way was his decision to marry his dog cavalier. Having had a woof time with human partners he developed a newfound land (I know, it’s a stretch, but it made me giggle) respect for dogs when he found Honey.

I wonder if he said in his vows

‘To lab and to hold fur ever. Fur richer, fur pawrer’.

If it had been a daschund, would he have said

‘Fur better and fur wurst?’

Perhaps the wedding was catered for by a local Chinese restaurant called ‘Chow chow’. Or maybe they had pizza, pupperoni being the speciality of the day. Washed down with lots of Cava. I believe the church was hounded by the puparazzi and the wedding was featured in ‘Vanity Fur’.

 

All the best

Stay Fab

Adele

International celebrity lookalike day

Sarah Hyland and Mila Kunis

April 20th was world celebrity lookalike day. I am fascinated by the number of stars that look so like each other. It is almost as if they have been cloned. The vast majority of them enjoy having a famous doppelganger. In fact, they are often known to revel in being mistaken for their counterpart by forging their autograph or bullshitting their way through questions about movies that they have not starred in. It’s refreshing to know that they don’t take themselves too seriously.

I was once told that I resembled Javier Bardem in ‘No Country for Old Men’, when my hairdresser had ignored my instructions and gave me a dodgy bob and fringe.

And to add insult to injury apparently, my driving license picture is not dissimilar to Charlize Theron. When she played the serial killer Aileen Wuornos in ‘Monster’.

Here are some more of my fav celebrity lookalikes

Jessica Chastain and Bryce Dallas Howard

Natalie Portman and Keira Knightley

Amy Adams and Isla Fisher

Gerard Butler and Clive Owen

Heath Ledger and Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Javier Bardem- Phwoarr!!!

Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek

All the best

Stay Fab

Adele

 

Have a whipping, Easter.

I promise that there will be no Easter puns in this blog. Or no silly bunny rabbit jokes like Watership Down- Seen the film? Read the book? now, eat the stew.

None whatsoever as I realize that you have better things to be doing on Easter Sunday than reading such drivel. Such as taking a beach walk, enjoying a lamb lunch with family/friends, binge-watching Netflix and eating a wagon load of Easter eggs. Or is that just me? Therefore, allow me to share with you my favourite Easter tradition.

It involves gentle whip-cracking of females in the Czech Republic and Slovakia on Easter Monday. I cannot help but think that maybe E.L.James visited Prague during this time and was inspired to write Fifty shades of grey. The men and boys dance through the streets using highly decorated willow switches to lightly whip the women and girls of the town that are unoffended by the ancient tradition. Apparently, it encourages good health and beauty. Perhaps the women could use the switches the next day to get their men to do the laundry or clean the house? It would be a shame not to get the maximum benefit out of them.

This story reminded me of one of my favourite songs as a child. The wonderful Doris Day in Calamity Jane. ‘Whip, crack away, whip, crack away, whip, crack away’. Here it is for your enjoyment.

 

The Deadwood Stage from Calamity Jane (1953)

https://youtu.be/x_xmujSyxkU

All the best

Stay Fab

Adele

Above the ground

I asked somebody the other day how they were and their response was

‘Ah, above the ground’.

It made me smile as I had never heard it before.  I began to think of situations where this response could not be used. The following came to mind, The Underground in the UK, The Metro in France, coal mining in Australia, Cave diving, Scuba diving, post-apocalypse in a bunker and at a funeral. Definitely not at a funeral. Although possibly at a cremation, but then again……

My Father’s favorite phrase which was ‘hunger is a great sauce’ which always comes to mind when I am famished. ‘Bless your little Irish heart and every other Irish part’ lifts my spirit whenever I hear it as it is seldom used but rather sweet. But my all-time favorite has to be ‘May the road rise to meet you, and may the wind at your back never be your own’, which is a cheekier version of the first few lines of this beautiful Irish blessing. I never knew the entire version and it is truly beautiful

 

Irish blessing

 

May the road rise to meet you,

May the wind be always at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

The rains fall soft upon your fields.

And until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

May God be with you and bless you;

May you see your children’s children.

May you be poor in misfortune,

Rich in blessings.

May you know nothing but happiness

From this day forward.

May the road rise up to meet you.

May the wind be always at your back.

May the warm rays of sun fall upon your home

And may the hand of a friend always be near.

May green be the grass you walk on,

May blue be the skies above you,

May pure be the joys that surround you,

May true be the hearts that love you.

 

And my own version.

 

Irish Blessing Delly style

 

May you never walk in dog poop.

May you never find yourself in the soup.

May you never feel old,

Or on social media be trolled.

May you always be hip.

And never be the subject of gossip.

May you always sing your song.

And with everyone, get along.

May your home forever be your sanctuary.

May you enjoy the peace of being free.

May you always enjoy the sun’s kiss.

And always and forever live in your bliss.

 

 

 

All the best

Stay Fab

Adele