Category: Uncategorized

A Tighter Vagina?

How I laughed when I saw this photo. Apparently, tighter twats are all the rage. The derogatory statements such as bucket fanny or, throwing sausages up O’Connell Street abound and are perpetuated by men.

Although, I am a huge fan of Viz magazine and The Fat Slags are very funny. One of them once said that her one-night stand was so skinny she would have to nail a plank across his backside to stop him from falling in. Bold, brassy and bawdy has always been my sense of humour and I cannot do anything about it now.

I have yet to see a poster with a photo of a man looking for greater girth or length.

When they do get around to it, maybe the tagline could be

• Need a thicker prick?
• Need a longer dick?
• Need a thicker and longer prick?

Although ads for Viagra are very popular in the US. I think I have seen one over here in Ireland.

I’m off to get a tighter twat.

Maybe they can make me a handbag out of the left over skin. A twat bag?

Stay fab

Adele

I know I am a little obsessed. OK, a lot obsessed. Much has been written about Robin Williams and I like to think, my many many blogs add to the testament of his brilliance. Just when I thought he could not get any better, I came across this article where he makes a gorilla laugh.

Video  https://en.newsner.com/animals/gorilla-grieving-death-of-friend-didnt-laugh-in-four-months-then-robin-williams-tickled-her/

The poor gorilla’s friend had died and she was sad. Her lips were trembling. The bear was called Koko and had been taught by a scientist to use sign language to communicate with humans. They asked Robin to meet her and see if he could help her with her grief.

Williams was patient and took the time to get to know Koko. They bonded and very soon Robin had her laughing. Call me biased, but I do not think any other comedian on the planet, now or then, could have had the same impact on Koko.

Sadly, Koko died 4 years following the interaction with Robin Williams, in 2018, at the age of 46. There is the expression to describe someone funny that I am aware of and it is

• They would make the cats laugh.

Perhaps it should be changed to

• They would make a gorilla guffaw.

 

Stay fab

Adele

 

I am a Christmas Grinch in training. On any given day I vacillate between the joy of the season and the annoyance of the season. Queuing in shops seems to bring out the very best in people, whether in the car or the actual shop. People would sell their granny to buy the last turkey on Christmas Eve.

At least the petrol stations are open on Christmas Day. Once upon a time in good ole Ireland, the whole country closed. Mass was a non-negotiable ritual. The best part was clocking the new clothes everyone was wearing as we sashayed down the aisle after communion as though it was a catwalk.

My local church was massive. They have now divided it into two, and the other half is a community centre. The ceiling had, what seemed like, hundreds of cubes in the ceiling. When I could not listen to the priest, I used to stare up at the ceiling and see how many cubes I could count.

Even at a young age I could not believe what the priest said. It smacked of hypocrisy. How could they know what a family was like, or what went on behind closed doors, when they could not marry. Despite my cynicism, I still enjoy going to churches, preferably when they are empty, as the peace is glorious.

Happy Early Christmas from The Grinch in Training.

 

Stay fab

Adele

 

 

Buzz and Finn

Buzz loves to bark and is a magnificent minx.

Finn loves to cuddle and gets up to high jinks.

They are both Morkies, Buzz is beige and Finn is black.

As long as you want love they have always got your back

Buzz is nine, with one ear up and one ear down.

Finn is six, with eyes that always fix a frown.

When we go to the beach Finn purrs like a cat.

Buzz is my shadow, at my feet, he’s loyal like that.

They love to play. Finn likes to nip Buzz in his legs and neck.

Chasing each other, Buzz weaves, as Finn is fast as heck.

He’s like lightning and enjoys picking up litter like me.

He’s happy when he finds an empty cup, better still if it’s coffee.

Finn likes to roll in poop. He’s kinda gross that way.

Having to bathe him doesn’t really make my day.

Buzz has the swagger but he hates his raincoat.

He goes into hiding and needs to be bribed with toast.

They have their best friends, dogs who bark as they walk by.

Come out and play, they holler, sniffing and wanting to say Hi.

Finn is fierce affectionate. Buzz never really was.

But when Finn came along, Buzz got the cuddle buzz.

They both love their belly rubs and I love them too.

But they cannot give them to me as well as I do.

Finn is a duvet diver, he loves the heat.

Buzz curls up outside or sleeps at my feet.

Not a day goes by when I don’t count my doggie blessings.

The walks, the fun, the joy, the playful messing.

I never thought I could be so devoted to my furry friends.

But the love they constantly impart makes any moment heaven.

By

Adele Leahy

 

 

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

Pause for Paws

Their love for you is relentless.

It’s unashamed and unconditional.

All they need is food, walkies, treats and kisses.

Their capacity for joy is indomitable.

They welcome as you walk through your front door,

Making you feel like the biggest rock star.

Lifting your spirits, oh, how they soar.

All they want is love. And then some more. And then some more.

We speak of mindfulness and living in the now.

Our dogs always have the ability to ground us.

To alter our mood and unfurrow our brow.

They are the true love machines of the universe.

By

Adele Leahy

 

 

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

 

 

I am on a roll with the poetry. Here are my latest doggy tributes. I wrote this for my dear Aunt as she has had daschunds for over sixty years.

 

My Daschunds

My daschunds are frisky at my feet.

Tails wagging as I make my morning cup of tea.

Their endless love and joy make me complete.

They are my life, my loves, my furry family.

I pause for paws when the day is a struggle.

They ground me with gratitude and serenity.

A moment for a few mindful cuddles.

Dissipates any needling troubles or worries.

Their relentless quest for walkies and treats,

Keeps me on my toes with great purpose.

They rejoice at everyone they meet,

Gleefully welcoming them to my house.

They adore the fields and my cows too,

As I enjoy the barking and mooing chorus.

Their heads bobbing, ears flapping, almost too cute to be true.

This moment is sacred and momentous.

By

Adele Leahy

Stay fab

Adele

She told my son that I had to leave immediately. That it was her and the baby or me. I left. Confrontationtum makes me very anxious. I witnessed it a lot growing up and I have always avoided it like the plague. Even though I loved my husband, he knew how I felt about confrontation but would still start an argumentum at times for what appeared to be purely entertainment purposes. Or else it was a reason for him to head to the pub for the evening.

Now that I think about it, I should not have offered my opinion about my grandson to my son during yesterday’s call. I missed them desperately for seven years and have worked so hard to cultivate our relationship and be the best grandmother I can be, even if it is on the laptop via video most of the time. He has invited me over for Christmas, which I am thrilled about.

Oh, I just got a text from my son. He said sorry for being short with me yesterday but that he has work issues stressing him out. I am thrilled. He said that I was right and that teaching his son to stand proud for being Irish is something that he will endeavour to do.

God, thanks a million for taking my call this morning and for answering my prayers. Earlier on the thought of this call made me very anxious and I cannot explain why. God, every morning I call and every morning you answer and now I cannot stop crying with joy. I will call you at the same time tomorrow. Thank you, God, for my blessings.

By Adele Leahy

 

Stay fab

 

Adele

I know I need to keep my opinions to myself regarding how he and his wife rear their children. They  didn’t speak to me for seven years. But in this instance, I thought that I was right.

Do I want to revisit why my son didn’t speak to me ? No, not really, but I will if you think I need to. Their firstborn, my granddaughter, was brought home, and I was visiting them in Tipperary with Pepi, to help them out. Sheila ( yes, she is an Ozzy) insisted that Pepi was not to go near her daughter as she thinks dog saliva is dangerous. I think she is barking mad.

Later in the evening my son and daughter-in-law had a huge argument. The door was ajar between the living room and the kitchen so I heard everything. She had found flirty texts on his phone with a female colleague who she knew to be a serial adulterer. This woman had at least three affairs that she knew of. She was told this at their corporate Christmas dinner by one of the other wives.

 

My son was defending himself by saying that as she was the boss’s daughter, he found it difficult to ignore her texts. The subject of his drinking heavily at the weekends and staying out late also came up. And also the fact that he was not pulling his weight around the house with the new baby. The baby started crying. With all the shouting and Pepi went over and started licking her forehead. Before I could get him to stop Sheila came in and witnessed the scene.

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

 

I started making faces, and we played the silly faces game. I am quite proud of my capacity for gurning. Particularly when I give Finn the giggles, as I am better at it than him. He is like the son I wish I had. He has dyslexia and struggles in school; I asked him how he was getting on in class, and he told me that it was ok and that they had been studying European geography. The teacher asked the class if anyone knew anything about Ireland, and he said nothing. I asked why he did not want to tell the class and his teacher that he was born in Ireland and lived here until he was three before moving to America. His answer was, ‘He did not want to brag.’

This was one of the nicest things I have ever heard and I told my son. He said he was glad Finn had not mentioned it as nowadays it was best not to stand out too much. I said that I thought this was codswallop and that I had always taught him to be proud and stand tall, particularly as an Irish man. He said that we would have to agree to disagree., and he would need to end the call as his other phone was ringing. Now, I know I can be a bit deaf at times, but I certainly did not hear any other phone ringing.

 

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

 

I went to a few AA meetings once, when I thought that I had a problem and I began to have lucid drinking dreams. Somebody then told me when I had drinking dreams, I needed to drink as much as I could during the dream which made me smile.

Sorry, just give me a minute, as I want to make another cup of tea. Crikey, that was a close one. I nearly fell over the package I must post to my niece in Australia. It is full of the usual, Tayto, Barry’s tea and Irish sweets. She lives in Melbourne and works for some Ozzy Telecom company but their whole family adore the Tayto. When I babysat her as a child, I told her that Fairy Liquid was made from the souls of fairies when they died. She says she still has PTSD over it.

Thanks for holding on. So, whilst I was boiling the kettle, I was thinking about yesterday, and what may have happened that has me feeling lower than usual today besides the dream. And I remember I had a small disagreement with my son in America when we were chatting on Zoom. He was frustrated with me as convincing me to get another dog was not working. I kept telling him that I was not ready yet. He was all apologies about not being able to come back to Tipperary for Christmas this year as his wife needs gallstone surgery. I told him not to worry and that her health was the most important thing. I said he had some gall, but he didn’t think the joke was funny. My grandson Finn came onto the call with his beautiful bright blue innocent dancing eyes.

 

All the best

Stay fab

Adele