Today is a sneezy day for me. I had a swim earlier and as I inhaled salt water; I had a fit of sneezing when I came home. Following two of my sneezes I farted. My two dogs, Buzz and Finn, looked at me with disdain. Yesterday I made a lovely frittata with lots of leeks followed by my now-famous Black Bean Brownies, made from kidney beans. I had a lovely feast but my colon became nuclear later in the evening. Whilst practicing yoga I could not stop farting. I think at one point I saw Buzz’s eyes watering.
Viz has been my favorite comic since it was launched many many moons ago. Johnny Farty Pants has to be the best character. The scene where the climate activists visit his house to ask why the ozone layer has disappeared above it is way before its time. His mother responds by saying that she has suffered chemical burns to her lungs due to her son’s toxic flatulence. It is hard to believe it began in 1979 and went National in 1985.
A dear friend gifted me the Viz, War and P*ss Profanisaurus with a foreword by Professor Cox. It is without doubt the rudest book on the planet.
All the best
Warning- content may offend.
This comedy duo gives me the giggles. The sketch is hilarious with 10 million views
Before I commenced nurse training, I did an interview to become cabin crew with an Airline named Air 2000. I was not chosen and often wonder how different my life would have been if I was cabin crew as opposed to being a nurse. I adore travelling and as my father was an engineer in Aer Lingus, we travelled a lot. We lived in Kano, Nigeria for six months when I was eight and later in Malta. The memories I have of Kano have always stayed with me. I had never seen a black person before and was sticking my tongue out to them as my father drove us to our new home in his Nigerian Airways car. I was very bold and just thought they looked like aliens.
The house where we stayed was beautiful with gorgeous landscaped gardens. We played Monopoly in the living room but the best fun was stopping the money from flying away from the giant fan above us. Capturing scorpions to pull their tails off was a great pastime. We didn’t realise how dangerous it was at the time. As I had learnt to swim the previous year, I was obsessed with being in the pool. Each weekend we went to a pool club and by the end of the day I had webbed hands and feet.
However, I remember the poverty. It was extreme. The children were blind and maimed begging on the pavements for ‘Dashy’. As a foreign family, we were very privileged in the early ’70s, however, I was too young to realise it at the time.
All the best
I love this weather-predicting stone. It does what it says on the sign. No guesswork, just plain and simple. The weather has been unpredictable, to say the least, and I have not been doing too well in choosing the correct clothing. I went to the beach the other day to walk Buzz and Finn and looked like I was about to commence a Mount Everest ascent. I had my big padded duvet-style coat on, a giant orange mohair scarf, and my teal Nepalese woollen hat. When I got to the beach the sun had come out and it was 18 degrees. When I had left it was a windy twelve degrees. Whenever there is wind, I always take four to five degrees from the temperature to make it accurate and the beach is always extra windy anyway. Not to mention my tummy from a hearty curry the night before.
I peeled everything off and had to try and tame my wild hat hair. There was no point and I looked like someone from the Blasket Islands circa 1920. It didn’t matter, Buzz and Finn were in beach heaven. I love the thud of Finn’s tiny paws as he is let off the lead and races across the sand at breakneck speed, anxious to get as much sniffing in as possible. He has taken to picking up coffee cups as he sees me picking them up for the litter bin. I am off to have a cuppa now.
All the best
Please accept my apologies in advance as my objective in my blog is to never offer opinions and make you smile. Every now and then something happens that incenses me so much that I either have to write about it or write a poem about it. The latter is the case today in honour of the momentous occasion of Trump’s arrest. BTW I am aware that the photo is a fake arrest photo. It is merely a wry nod to his fake news claims over the years.
The spunky Trump got spanked by stormy
He paid her from his expense account with glee
He hates Mexicans and tried to build a wall
Incited a riot and joyfully watched the squall
Stated In Africa there are shit-hole countries
Falsified documents with criminal ease
He is a fake news activist
Now he’s indicted and oh so pissed
He is anathema to climate change
Didn’t honour veterans because of the rain
He loves the Russians and insulting women
After this, the Kremlin won’t even have him
He sacked all his staff and attacked racial injustice protests
He ran a mafia, not a government and now we will see justice.