Without stating the obvious and I think that I can speak for a lot of people when I say that I am heaving a welcome sigh of relief with the impending departure of January. For me it has been as much fun as a garlic banana, dog throw up and E.coli. I cannot even begin to think of any redeeming events that might lighten the tone. And I do pride myself on my optimism. Ok, I do have one, the snow. Last weekend the snow was beautiful and a welcome release from the drudgery.
Besides the usual January blues which occur post-Christmas. We had Covid and a third lock down, mingled with Baltic weather. But I suppose upon reflection at least we weren’t hit by a giant meteor or attacked and eaten by Godzilla. You see, I am trying to be positive. What I cannot wait for is the first snowdrop and the first daffodil in February. Just two of my favorite things. Oh, and the evenings are getting longer. The lock down has us all nesting at home but there is a vaccine to offer us hope. And Trump is out, Biden is in, that has to count for a lot. To know that we have someone sane running the USA makes me sleep better at night. So, I bid you all a lovely last day of January.
This picture reminds me of a swimsuit I wore in a place called ‘the gym ‘that we mortals once attended. The caption to go with this picture is ‘Never trust a fart’ which I think is quite grin worthy.
I love to swim and afterwards I thoroughly enjoyed relaxing in the steam room and the fantastic horizontal Jacuzzi. My swimsuit was designed to suck in the bulge, i.e. tummy control and had two layers. There I was laying back luxuriating in the feeling of having swum many lengths when I opened my eyes to see that my swimsuit was blowing up in front of me and resembled something from the movie ‘Alien’. The second layer had absorbed all the air from the bubbles in the Jacuzzi and had decided to inflate itself. I tried to surreptitiously pat it down but was not having any luck. Every time I did it just blew up again. I looked around to see if anyone was watching. And it appeared that they weren’t. I thought that I would give it another go. As I was patting it down some of the fabric got caught in one of the jets. So now I was wrestling with not only an inflatable swimsuit but also being chewed up by the jets. I gave it a good yank and finally released it. I walked back to the changing room as graciously as I could even though my face was scarlet with embarrassment.
Some poor guy has lost the password for the bitcoin he was gifted. He has two last attempts and then he is locked out. When he was given them they were worth very little and are now worth 220 million. Imagine the panic and angst that this man must be going through? Actually don’t as it probably may not be good for you.
Have you ever lost anything really valuable and were devastated when you realized? I had my jewelry stolen whilst working in Beaumont Hospital in the 90’s. I was bereft for a little while and then I thought that they were only material items. But it did take me maybe more than a little while to reach this benevolent point. I am pretty sure that in the interim I was wishing that (if he or she was a junkie) that all of their gear would be nothing more than talcum powder. I had prepared what I was going to say to the thief, ‘I would love to insult you but I think that nature has already beaten me to it’. It’s always easier to be smart when you are not in front of a person and in fairness I have never really had the wherewithal to say anything like the above. Karma sorts all that out.
Apparently I missed the missive on January 25th being ‘Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day’. I am devastated as I had bought a 3 metre roll in preparation. Fully prepared and intent on popping those bad boys for the entire day. And just to be extra rock’n roll having a bowl of rice krispies to make everything go ‘Snap, Crackle and Pop’. I had also planned to listen to pop music whilst wearing my pop socks. Ok, I am getting a little bit carried away here but seriously? Who thinks of this stuff? Excuse me whilst I pop over to the wall to bang my head against it.
There are a gazillion, metra tetra quintetra (OK I may have made the last one up) other possible choices for National days besides popping bubble wrap. What about tin foil? How could we leave that beautiful aluminium roll without a mention? Where would we be without it? Roasts and baking left uncovered? Cooks and bakers left bereft?
I started to think about our national vegetable the humble potato and why it does not have its own national day. And upon further research it does- August 19th. You are welcome. I know now that your day is complete upon being able to plan a buttery potatoes feast on August 19th. Spuds away.
As I was driving through my village today I spotted a man on a green mobility scooter that very much resembled a ride on lawnmower. I smiled to myself imagining what if it actually was? And then I found this clip. The person filming the man who has adapted his mobility scooter to incorporate the lawnmower is laughing as he finds the idea hilarious. I, in fact, find it to be ingenious. It is something that my Dad would have done as he was quite the inventor in his day.
James May resembles Stephen Hawking (RIP) in his. This has to be the ultimate test. Although the clip is 7 years old. I was curious to see how fast the fastest mobility scooter is and apparently it is 112mph and was achieved by GRIP-Das Motormagazin and driver Sven Ohler at the DEKRA Test Oval racetrack in Germany on May 25th, 2017. Now, there’s a useless bit of information for you. Unless you are the quiz master at a lock down zoom quiz and are running out of questions. There you go then. And you are most welcome.
I do love a bit of word play. And where better to play with words than with a well known philosophical quote. Sometimes I have days where I feel fruity, almost, and I must stress, almost, yam like. And days when I feel like a vegetable and just want to lay like an airbed and Lilo i.e Lie low. I realize that I may be going overboard with the similes today but I have decided to call today ‘National Simile Day’, for me anyway.
Descartes, ‘I think therefore I am’ is one of my favorite philosophical quotes. Although recently I heard the phrase ‘ I am not what I think I am , I am not what you think I am, I am what I think you think I am’ by Charles Horton Cooley.
Jay Shetty describes it beautifully here . And I love his phrase ‘we live in echo chambers’.
I have been on a bit of a Monty Python ‘Holy Grail’ roll over the last few days. And I will finish with this clip. It was recommended to me today from The Monty Python sketches. It did make me giggle. Particularly Karl Marx doing his warm up exercises fervently. ‘Monty Python Philosophy Football’.
I must preface this blog by stating that my heart and prayers are with those that are suffering and those that have lost loved ones. Over the last week I have mentioned my relief at waking up to a new day with the earth intact . As opposed to it being vaporized by a meteor shower. I have also mentioned my relief upon wakening when I realize that the human race has not been ravaged by Godzilla overnight. I used the term ‘ It could be worse’ as something that I remember fondly from a Monty Python sketch. Upon further research I realized that it was in fact ‘I’ve had worse’ which was used in The Holy Grail.
I must admit that I cry laughing every time I watch it. But not at the obvious dismemberment but at the first few seconds where the knights trusty servant is banging the ends of two coconuts together to mimic the clip clopping of a horses feet. This is one of the first few lines in the opening scene of the movie.
The debate concerning birds, velocity and weight ratio is also rather giggle worthy. I have been muttering the expression ‘ I’ve had worse’ or ‘It could be worse’ to maintain a modicum of positivity during these times. Merely trying to put everything into perspective for myself when I consider some of the trials and tribulations that I have been faced with over the years.
The snow was wicked and deep today. Just how I like my men…. That may get me into trouble but considering the current banality of my existence ( all lovely snow aside ) I am willing to take my chances and take a walk on the wild side.
My blogs can often have a hint of crazy in them. Which is good for me as I find that writing is the ultimate cathartic tool even if it does on some occasions cause my reader to raise their eyes in disbelief whilst simultaneously grinning.
Case in point my recent blogs (over the last week) highlighting the band ‘The Doors’, ‘Meteors’ and ‘Godzilla’. This was, as usual, all pure whimsy. Nothing too serious, just silly notions. Well, and this is where it gets crazy. Be warned. I am a fan of ‘The Law of Attraction’ and synchronicity which is a fancy word, as you know, for coincidences.
I was watching the movie ‘Castaway’ yesterday with Tom Hanks. A friend had mentioned that he had presented the concert after the US Inauguration and I felt that I needed a bit of Tom Hanks. Let’s call it a THM- Tom Hanks Moment. He is after all one of the greatest actors of all time and whenever he features in a movie I know that I will be guaranteed to feel better for having watched him. Anyhoo, in the scene where he manages to eventually light a fire. Guess what…….
‘Godzilla’ by Eminem. So I have decided to attract an agent and three book deal by mentioning them in this blog and over the next few days. If I can manifest Tom Hanks singing The Doors song ,referencing Meteors and Eminem singing ‘Godzilla ‘ I can manifest a superb agent who can offer me my three book deal. I am also a huge fan of the power of three’s. Everything for me seems to happen in three’s, therefore I would be remiss if I did not mention my agent signing me a three book deal.
Today whilst putting on Finn’s jumper (as it was freezing, 2 degrees to be exact.) I was singing’ Where’s me jumper’ by The Sultans of Ping. A seriously underrated punk band from County Cork. Who obviously have an affinity for mislaying vital items of clothing in hazardous places.
Later whilst walking on the beach a passer-by wittily remarked that Buzz was better dressed than him. He was wearing his lovely new coat (which incidentally he abhors). I was torn between feeling proud and feeling like a gobshite for subjecting my dog to wearing an anorak. In the end the latter won. I completed my blissful beach walk in full gobshite mode.
I would love to ask The Sultans of Ping where they got their name from? Actually I just googled it as my curiosity got the better of me. The band’s name was inspired by Dire Straits and their song ‘Sultans of Swing’. A magnificent song from one of my all-time favorite albums (besides OK Computer by Radiohead). At the time of this eponymous album it was sacrilege to mock them in any way.
Prior to googling I initially thought that maybe their song name was derived from the Monty Python ‘The Meaning of Life’ and ‘Machines that go ping’?
I was out on Malahide beach today with Buzz and Finn and had a swim at Low rock. . The coast is as breathtakingly beautiful as ever, even if it was Baltic. The view from Low rock out to Lambay never ceases to inspire awe within me.
I was talking to a dear friend last night and Covid chat prevailed. To the point where we were both beginning to feel less than our usual positive selves. I decided to put a spin on things and establish a different perspective. I said,’ Well, who knows we could all be vaporized tomorrow if a giant meteor collides with earth, or we could be invaded by aliens? ‘. As a result today upon rising was hailed as ‘Meteor free Friday’. Whilst I understand that so many have lost loved ones and that so many more are suffering I felt I had to see things, for today, in a different way. I think that by now it is difficult for people to constantly remain positive when it feels like the very thing that we have always taken for granted, our liberty, has been taken away.
But we still have so much. Today I tried to think of all that I have and not what I do not have. I can still get myself in a bit of a knot (see what I did there, ahem…) sometimes but that’s because I am human and inherently flawed.
Maybe tomorrow I will decide that it will be ‘Godzilla free Saturday’…