I believe that mindfulness should now be incorporated into eating and walking. Even though I expressed my cynicism in the previous blog, I am guilty of walking my dogs and being completely distracted by my thoughts. I call it my Mosquito mind, and I wrote a poem about it. You can find it under my poems on this blog. Over the years, I have been trying to learn to witness when my mind is like this. Eckhart Tolle and The Power of Now is my favourite author for mindfulness.
Here are some more cringeworthy jokes about mindfulness.
- I’m thinking of going on an online digital detox program.
- Why do they keep giving out free chocolate at our meditation retreat?
Because it’s a reTREAT.
- One of his students gave the Dalai Lama a big box with a ribbon for his birthday. When he opened the box, he found that it was empty inside.
“Aha,” he exclaimed, “just what I wanted!”
- What do you call a mindful wolf? Answer: Aware wolf
- Why did the Zen master go to the beach? A: Because he wanted to ‘seas’ the present moment.
- I love meditating in my herb garden…Good Thymes…
- I’ve taken a vow of silence for the rest of my life…I can’t tell you how much it means to me.
- When giving a present, remember it’s the thought that counts. Unless it’s for a meditation teacher. In that case, it’s the thought that doesn’t count.
- My mindfulness teacher told me I’ll never stop procrastinating until I meditate, and I said just you wait.
- Can mindfulness help stop me from asking rhetorical questions?
- Cows meditate – Oom is Moo backwards.
All the best
I received this Penguin Mindfulness book as a gift from my niece, and I pick it up when I need a giggle. Mindfulness and Menopause seem to be endlessly discussed over the last five years. The cynic in me will say that mindfulness used to be going for a walk, walking the dog, daydreaming, and gazing at a tree or a flower, but these days it must be a more intentional practice. And I get it; mental health is now at the forefront of everyone’s mind.
Meditation is a key practice, but I must admit that I am not very good at it. Inevitably zenitis will set in at some stage as my dogs start barking at passers-by. Maybe I need to teach them to meditate with me, or just not bark?
I felt the urge to research mindfulness jokes for these two blogs, so here goes. Some are good, and some are woeful, so apologies in advance.
– Ok, these jokes may be bad. But please don’t roll your third eye at me.
-Non-meditator: ‘Don’t just sit there, do something! Meditator: ‘Don’t just do something; sit there!
– What pop music does a spiritualist listen to? Chakra Khan,
– Knock, Knock. – Who’s there? – A Shaman- Shaman who? – Shaman you for not letting me in. (Shame on you, geddit?)
I will stop now as they are getting too cringe for me.
All the best
Thank goodness I have never encountered what the swimmer in the photo is swimming through. Although, honestly, sewage is not always visible, as we well know.
There have been many perils that I have experienced over the years. Forgetting my pants, and my bra went missing once. I found it a month later in the pocket of the director’s chair I had used. On several occasions, I have skipped back to my car with the NKD attitude, aka, no knickers Dryrobe. Other perils include jellyfish and witnessing low-flying testicles whilst a heavily endowed overzealous man was drying his bits.
I like to think I am Ursula Andress from the famous Bond film when I exit the sea, but the reality is more Melissa McCarthy on a bad day. My exit is often twinned with me trying to fix a rather troublesome wedgie. I have swum into a few people when I was not paying enough attention. However, this is a natural enough occurrence as where I swim has three buoys measuring a kilometre swim out at sea for swimmers doing triathlon training.
Sex noises as somebody takes a dip must be the worst. A few middle-aged men do this as they look around, hoping for a reaction. It always makes me smile and cringe in equal measures.
All the best
I love this photo. This would be me as the only attempt I could ever make at being an Iron Woman is, like this lady, to take an ironing board into the sea. I can swim quite well, but the running would have me walloped. Once I swam to one of the far buoys in Low Rock where I swim. It is 200 meters to the buoy and 200 meters back, I am not brave or fit enough to do the whole 1km swim. One time when I swam out to the buoy, I could not swim back due to the current. I had to do the walk of shame back to my friends as I came in off the rocks much further up.
When I hear of people like Eddie Izzard who ran 31 marathons in 30 days it baffles me. She also raised over half a million pounds for charity. Their strength and endurance is unreal. I believe some ultra-marathon runners can run 100- 200 miles. Eddie Izzard has also performed her stand-up comedy in French, German, Spanish, Russian and Arabic. She is extraordinarily talented and I adore her surreal sense of humor. ‘Cake or Death’ has to be my favorite sketch. So ridiculously clever.
Eddie Izzard – Cake or Death sketch
All the best
Today was definitely one of those days. It started with a doggy walk and my two dogs going feral at a passing husky who was minding his own business and being husky-like as, after all, he was a husky. I digest, whoops, I digress. Buzz and Finn were both leashed up and last week they loved this particular husky. I cannot fathom why they can like a dog one week and then dislike it the next. It is the same with two beautiful serene Samoyed dogs. They are like big white serene clouds and again Buzz and Finn just decide to take a notion not to like them when they were licking them another time.
As I got into my car a seagull pooped on my head. Putting out the bins later, the bag burst and I had to fight off two pugs off leads that were trying to eat chicken bones. It turned out that one of the pugs was lost and I had to take him home, give him water, photograph him and put a mayday onto our residential Facebook site for somebody to claim her. She was very overweight and breathing with difficulty. I was afraid somebody had abandoned her but thankfully she was claimed.
From now on I will be armed with treats and keep my eyes more peeled than I usually do to distract them and prevent them from barking. But after today it is highly unlikely that I will put my nose outside the door. Although to be honest, I know I will.
All the best