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Lately, I have been speaking with some nursing friends who have told me their tales of bullying. Bullying in Nursing is a theme in my debut Romantic Comedy as it is something I am quite passionate about. I thought it no longer took place but I was informed that it is as rife today as it was for me, thirty years ago.

My favourite story is when I was working in a certain Intensive Care and was bullied as I had used a downward arrow for blood pressure recording when an upward arrow ( for a particular neurosurgeon) was required. It was Christmas Day, and we were ( as usual) understaffed and unable to take breaks as some of the patients were agitated, trying to get out of bed and unplug a ventilator of the patient beside them. I was crying as the Senior Nurse Manager shouted at me. She said – You are one useless Nurse. Surely you know that Mr.X insists his blood pressure arrows are the opposite of how we normally record them? Can you do anything right?

Two decades later I am at lunch with another Clinical Nurse Manager in a Nursing Home where I was the Assistant Director of Nursing. Bullying in Healthcare was the topic for discussion and I told her my story. She asked me what the Manager looked like. I told her. She mentioned a name. I said, ‘Yes, that, was her, how do you know?’

And she said, ‘ She is my sister, and she is a bitch.’ How we both chuckled.

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

Where do I even begin? At this rate, I know you will not believe a thing I write as often its veracity is questionable, particularly on April Fool’s Day.

So, let’s play a game. Two truths and one lie. Can you guess which is which?

1. I have three kidneys.
2. I am clairvoyant.
3. I have a divining rod for making decisions.

If you get it right you will win some fresh air for your lungs via a very deep breath intake. I can guarantee it will be extremely refreshing and you will also have the added factor of feeling smug.

I am a divil for a practical joke. When the movie Sixth Sense came out, I opened all the cupboards in my kitchen before it was over to try and prank my friend. But she could tell by the glint in my eye that I was up to no good. Whilst nursing on nights in Intensive Care in the Neuro Richmond Unit at Beaumont Hospital many moons ago I cut up suppositories with a scalpel and tried to pass them off as mints. But I got found out pretty sharpish. They were very long nights at times.

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

I am not a massive fan of Easter but I did give up eating trees for Lent. Getting splinters in my gums was dreadfully painful. It had become an awful habit and one that I am glad to say I think I have overcome. However, I am now (BPA- Bad Pun Alert) branching out into other questionable activities. You may say I am (BPA) barking mad, and you would be right. If I can get to the (BPA) root of the issue maybe it (BPA) woodn’t be such an issue. I shall endeavour to (BPA) Spruce up my act Fir my own good.

My latest bad habit is doing squats as I wait for my change when I am paying for something. I do get some funny looks but I ignore them as I know I am building up my squads, or is it quads? When I was filling my car with petrol yesterday, I screamed and said – I won, when the car was filled with petrol. Again, I got some funny looks, but I felt the need to celebrate the activity of filling my car (Who, btw, is called Lolita) and create positivity for the gratitude of being able to drive, have a car, and get petrol.

Maybe I should not give up anything for Lent next year.

Happy (early) Easter 2024

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

Ikea or Ikant

Here is some of the material I will be performing.

Over the weekend I went to Ikea for some things. I prepared with a compass and some string to find my way out. In the bedding section, I found a little old lady who looked perplexed. She asked me what year it was. I said it is 2024 and I then asked her age. She said she was 84 but had come into Ikea when she was 74 and hadn’t left as she was lost.

Three meerkats beside her had popped in for a small writing table and were lost too. Where meerkats normally have their hands in front, palms down, on this occasion they were palms up in dismay at having no notion of where to go.

I also spotted a couple of backpackers walking around aimlessly. One of them asked me for the way out. I asked him what he was looking for in Ikea. He said the Far East was too expensive to go backpacking to find himself and how many backpackers were now using Ikea as a way of finding themselves. As he claimed, if you could find your way out of Ikea, you could do anything. He had a point.

If anyone would like to adopt a little old lady or a Meerkat please get in touch.

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

Happy International Monday and other Silly Days Part Three (of Three) CONTD

14. International Radiohead Day. Well, they are the best band on the planet.

Here is the Paranoid Android video. When it was released, it was compared to Bohemian Rhapsody. Although in fairness, no matter how much I love Radiohead, nothing can be compared to Bohemian Rhapsody.

https://youtu.be/fHiGbolFFGw?si=9Ovi4HcZuINIbez_

15. International Laughter Day. Of all the days this really should be a day where we seek out our favourite comedians and YouTube/ TikTok Clips that make us laugh.

Here are a few of mine. I have featured many over the years of my favourite comedians such as Catherine Tate, Comic Relief, Only Fools and Horses, and feck it, here are Monty Python again. I just seem to be unable to pass up an opportunity for a Python giggle. They are the Kings of silliness.

Catherine Tate’s Funniest Sketches

https://youtu.be/5yQfnW1GzNs?si=UqJNVYA-vcD4jXDX

 

Little Britain meets Elton JohnComic Relief

https://youtu.be/x0zUOzkHwAE?si=ERJNG3UWERl-QS2Q

 

Only Fools and Horses Uncle Albert’s horrified

 

https://youtu.be/Rehz6pLM71Q?si=l9VOSPhbezrDTkYO

 

Top 10 Funniest Monty Python Sketches, scenes and songs

 

https://youtu.be/E1bLjShvZjs?si=RZpXLIetEZbFTeEw

 

16. International not being cross day. Maybe this could be an option? Where we try not to be cross and instead be nice to each other? Just a thought.

 

17. International Farting Day. Of course, I had to end it all on a crass note. But then, it’s what I do. If we had such a day the sale of beans and carrots would go through the roof. Although some might say this day already exists and is called Christmas Day. When we overindulge and parp to Kingdom come.

The Irish Sun did an article on farts and medical health. I have to admit it did make me smile. This is where the picture came from.

https://www.thesun.ie/health/11724210/most-common-types-of-fart-when-to-see-doctor/

I’m off to have some beans and Brussels sprouts.

 

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

Happy International Monday and other Silly Days Part Two (of Three) CONTD

 

8. International Talk like Shakespeare Day. I love this even though I am not a big Shakespeare fan. I did King Lear and The Merchant of Venice in school which I enjoyed. Forsooth my visage is perplexed.
9. International Silly Walking Day (Yes, it’s made up but surely Monty Python should be celebrated and revered each year).
10. International Muppet Day (Again, made up, but as long as Trump is around, he does qualify as a living muppet. ) I adore the Muppets as they have featured in many of my blogs. I just need any excuse to mention them and look up the Mna, Mna video. It never fails to make me smile. So here goes-

 

https://youtu.be/zb47CstE7R4?si=0lIeFdkJ424VnorN

11. International Cillian Murphy Day – Well, he is fab and he did just win an Oscar for Best Actor in Oppenheimer.
12. International St. Patrick’s Day where the whole world celebrates the patron Saint of a small green country in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean named Ireland. Oh, I forgot, this already happens
13. International Jungle Book Day – My favourite Disney Movie. Why Not? Here is the Bare Necessities.

https://youtu.be/6BH-Rxd-NBo?si=fLmXbIW1CvwIOdSz

 

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

You may be glad to hear I am now stepping away from the poems. I tend to get on a roll with them. It’s like Tourette’s, where I just cannot help myself but without the cursing. However, given half a chance I can be as blue as the best of them.

So Happy International Monday. Isn’t it great that we can celebrate the fact that today is Monday across the world. And yes, I am being facetious as I do think that there are some ridiculous International Days celebrated. Here are some of my all-time favourites

 

1. International Nose Picking Day. Snot what you might think……
2. International talk like a pirate day. My personal fav. Although most Irish people talk like pirates in that we cannot pronounce the letter ‘R,’ without saying ‘Arrrrr,’ whereas the British say ‘Ore.’
3. International Orgasm Day. (Ok, I made that one up.)
4. Pretend to be a Time Traveler Day. Now, where was I? 1903 or 1803?
5. National Nothing Day was proposed in 1972 by columnist Harold Pullman Coffin and observed in the United States annually on January 16 since 1973. I like that it is both obtuse and existentialist.
6. Internation Breathe Day (Yup, another one that I made up).
7. International Toilet Day (I am on another roll here, it seems- another makey up)

 

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

Doris the Sleepy Cow

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGeUPXFqF/

 

I love the cow in this video. She has no shame about not being in the humour to be milked. I can relate, not to not being milked but to not being arsed at times to do what I am supposed to do.

I make no apologies whatsoever for the dreadful puns. I figure because I wove them into a poem I can be excused. It’s a moooot point….Sorry, not sorry.

 

 

Sleepy Cow

What a cow! She has it sussed.

Faking being asleep to avoid being milked.

She is udderly preposterous

But there was CCTV, she didn’t realise she was being filmed.

The farmer had deja moo.

He had seen it before.

He knew it to be true.

That she found being milked a bore.

He said it’s pasture time for milking.

And the Cow was not amoosed.

With her big eyes blinking

It went in one ear and out the udder, and she went for another snooze.

By

Adele Leahy

I am on a roll with writing silly poems. The bit about my therapist falling asleep and then calling me Audrey is true. As she was examining the inside of her eyelids I had to ask her if she was ok. I don’t think I am over it…….

 

Poem

 

My name is not Audrey

 

 

As a sea swimmer

I like to think I’m wild.

But those days are over

And now I am mild.

As I dive with glee into the sea

But my name is not Audrey.

How do you know a sea swimmer?

They will always tell you.

And wax lyrical about being cold and blue.

My name is Adele with one L and two E’s

And my name is not Audrey.

I don’t drink anymore

And it gets on people’s nerves.

They assume I am boring.

That I’ve lost my Vim and Verve.

That perhaps I can’t be happy

If my name is not Audrey.

The only pissed I get now is with my therapist

When she highlights my defects.

Which I can’t be fecked to address.

She fell asleep once and then called me Audrey.

I marvelled at her lack of tact and memory.

I am annoying.

My sense of humour

Is crass, and tawdry.

And my name is not Audrey.

I am imperfectly perfect.

Or so the affirmations proclaim.

But to be honest I can’t be fecked

Today with trying to filter my brain.

I woke up in shite form.

And the day has got steadily worse.

My dogs barked at everyone.

And my head is fit to burst.

The garbage bag then burst open.

And the seagulls circled me.

One pooped on my head.

And made me want to scream.

So I need to see my therapist

To deescalate my zenitis.

Maybe she will remember me

And recall that my name is not Audrey.

By

Adele Leahy

 

I performed this poem for the first time last month and I received some lovely compliments. I hope you enjoy it too.

 

 

Poem

 

I Google therefore I am

 

I Google therefore I am.

But I am not a yam.

I am a peach.

But I digest.

I mean I digress,

My head today Is a floofy mess.

 

Back to googling

And doodling

And daydreaming

And playful scheming.

Do trees have feelings?

And is the world drowning?

How do I create a

Flashmob

In the style of River Dance?

And is lingo

Also, parlance?

Can an elephant paint?

And in getting his paw nails cut

Why did the dog faint?

A giant panda

Chewing a carrot

Or a piece of juicy bamboo

Always elevates me

From feeling blue.

And then I’m back to the worry

As my mind is in a hurry.

And why are Orca’s attacking boats?

And is Yoga any good with baby goats?

Is Zenitis a thing or is it just me?

I just cannot meditate or achieve serenity.

I need Yeats and peace comes dropping slow.

And Maya and Still I rise to get me back in the flow.

This morning my weighing scale was mean.

My two dogs dislike my mood machine.

I hate Yoyo dieting: the string gets caught in my teeth.

Am I an alcoholic if I only binge to get release?

Do Doggiegasms exist?

This morning my dog could not desist

From rolling in poo, and doing it again and again.

His ecstatic, relentless joy. Oh, my dear best furry friend.

 

I Google therefore I am

But I am not a yam

I am a peach

But I digest

I mean I digress

My head today Is a floofy mess

 

Am I a narcissist or an empath?

Am I a narcissist for thinking I am an empath?

How old is Cher and why should I care?

She doesn’t need to turn back time

As she lives her life with such flair.

How can I publish my romantic comedy?

And why don’t agents get back to me?

Am I normal or am I mad?

Are antidepressants really that bad?

Does a Smurf artist have a blue period

When they can no longer paint?

Am I the Captain of my Soul

And the Master of my fate?

How do I spell Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?

Can a cheese and apricot jam sandwich really be delicious?

Is there a Wizard of Oz and do they live in Sydney?

How do Robins sing so beautifully?

Is it true that camels get Botox?

And if it doesn’t work do they get the hump?

Is focaccia an Italian curse?

And how do I cease this scrolling slump?

Is Fairy Liquid made from the souls of fairies when they die?

How did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland and make them cry?

Are ye alright there in the back lads?

How to pronounce Tonight Tits or Tinnitas?

Is Arseritis when couch surfing causes stiff legs and ass?

Is the Mariana trench 7 miles deep?

Can I massage a shark’s throat to put it to sleep?

Was Dr. Seuss a Greek God?

On walking today shall I amble, saunter or plod?

Do sloths have a tail and can dolphins really heal?

What colour is my aura and are my chakras real

I can get a walk in.

It is not too late.

I need to see the last

Of today’s light.

To marvel at the sun and

Wish it a good night.

To have sky for eyes.

And marvel at the trees.

Maybe I should stop googling

And be in nature.

My true nature

Is to be in nature.

I Google therefore I am

But I am not a yam

I am a peach

But I digest

I mean I digress

My head today Is a floofy mess

 

By

Adele Leahy