This is one of my favs. Where’s the modesty, I hear you cry. Gone for a cuppa, as I indulge myself in a little narcissistic poem.
Poem
I Think I Am a Narcissist
I think I am a narcissist I work at it every day.
I used to be an empath but I never got my own way.
I want to be a Youtube reality star as my life is such a hoot.
I never stop chatting. It’s all about me. I ‘m incapable of being mute.
I’ll list my worries, my woes, and my wishes.
If you are even slightly inattentive, you will be sacked as one of my bitches.
If I’m kind I’ll act the martyr. Virtue signaling is my thing.
Telling folk I give to the homeless makes me soooo understanding.
I’ll always create the drama and be mired in victimhood.
It’s really never my fault I am merely misunderstood.
I can be as useful as a jelly step ladder when it’s something I don’t want to do.
When it comes to the blame game. It’s never me, it’s all about you.
My primary concern is me, my life and my successes.
If this is not your concern, do one. You will be one less stressor.
I lack empathy. My greatest skill is gaslighting.
I could undermine the Pope. He’s really just attention seeking.
I am so talented, so grateful for my art.
But some people hear me and would rather smell a fart.
I think I am a narcissist but someone said I can’t be as I’m too fat.
I said you don’t need to be thin to be a narcissist you prat.
They said it’s a prerequisite if you’re to be a megalomaniac.
I told them to piss off and to kiss my giant crack.
I am Dustin the Turkey of spoken word.
A little bit crass a little bit witty and a little bit absurd.
My art is priceless It defies analysis.
Although someone said analyze is also anal eyes.
That my art is shit beyond surprise.
I want to be on RTÉ after all it’s all about me.
I try to be gritty and down-to-earth.
But I’m just too talented and a ridiculous flirt.
I met Sean Penn and Robin Wright in New York City.
He’s very small he only came up to my titties.
I’m from Artane and can be arcane.
I only said that to use the word arcane. Yeah. I know it’s insane.
Apparently it means esoteric, another beauty of a word.
It means I’m profound and deep. Some say a literary turd.
I can be clinical as for many decades I was a nurse.
And now I’ve decided to switch bedpans for verse.
I’m not the only one to bridge the gap between art and comedy.
John Cooper Clarke is the OG genius with Beasley street.
I am a national treasure I am just waiting to be found.
And I don’t think it matters whether I’m small, tall , thin or round.
By
Adele Leahy
