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My dog, Finn, has had his second ACL (anterior cruciate ligament) surgery in three months. He now uses his cone (the Elizabethan collar they wear to stop meddling with the surgery site) as a weapon. He is thoroughly pissed off with having to wear it again.

Sometimes, it’s like he’s shaking his gorgeous little head to the song, Black Betty. In my late teens, this was my prime head-shaking song of choice. I would stand with my legs in a perfect stance for ultimate balance, slightly bent over and shake my head like I was in the head-shaking Olympics. Don’t Fear The Reaper, by Blue Oyster Cult was another favourite.

The feeble Finn of last week is gone and replaced with a rather frustrated, f*ck this for a game of soldiers, feisty Finn.

Buzz had enough of it and when Finn pushed him in the ass with his cone, he surreptitiously peed into it. Did he do it on purpose? No. Is he an opportunist? Perhaps.

Tomorrow, he gets his stitches out and no more cones. I am planning a pawty. As both his legs have new ligaments, he will be back to his, I’m faster than a speeding bullet, Finn, in five weeks.

Stay Fab

 

Adele

 

Eminem insists on the following, and why shouldn’t he? I wonder how many times he has been asked to do an advertisement for M&M’s?

• Peanut-free M&Ms. Made with brownie mixture inside.
• Pictures of Barry Manilow and Barbara Streisand all over his dressing room.
• A spoken word poet, from the vicinity, who translates everything he says into rhyme, when he speaks, when he is too tired to do so.

• Nobody is allowed to mention the word Stan, or say the word, Stand, as it sounds too much like Stan, because of his famous song.

Eminem must be one of the greatest songwriters of all time, and he is famed for his insane ability to rhyme. He is obsessed with rhyming, hence this request.

 

And as for Rihanna. The Queen only deserves the best.

• A Kettle drum must announce her arrival at every time.
• Star-shaped chips
• Jim Henson’s Muppet, Animal needs to give her a five-minute animal type prep and motivation on zoom before appearing on stage.
• A room odoriser smelling of Barbadian rice, beans, and chicken
• Nobody is allowed to mention rain, or the word-umbrella, because of her famous song.
• Her dog must be patted constantly by a professional dog patter while she is on stage.

 

Stay fab

Adele

 

Stormzy

His Glastonbury headline set will go down in history. It was so good The New Yorker featured an article on his set.

https://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/stormzy-at-glastonbury-king-michael-wears-his-crown

 

What a dude. A king, as The New Yorker calls him. And what riders. Who knew?

Stormzy demands three mottled daschund puppies and twenty cases of Monster Munch (for his crew). Cala Lillies (painted with blue polka dots, as they remind him of the Virgin Mary), and everyone must bow when they see him.

 

Fergie (Formerly of The Black-Eyed Peas)

Where Is the Love has to be one of my favourite songs, in particular because of the lyrics. They were way ahead of their time, and William I Am is such a feckin legend.

Fergie’s favourite print is tartan, and she often wears her favourite magnificent tartan Vivienne Westwood dress. Because of this, she insists on Tartan toilet paper.

She adores Kimchi, which preserves her youthful looks. Therefore, Kimchi made by a Cambodian virgin monk who has read Ulysses is a must.

And finally, a Flamingo, a beaver, a giant whisk and a game of Scrabble.

These are quite random, but then again, when you are Fergie, you get what you ask for.

 

Stay fab

Adele

 

I was chuffed to be asked back by Dagogo and Samuel for Talkatives, which took place in The Project Arts Centre in Temple Bar. My niece was over for the Easter weekend, and she brought two of her friends. It was lovely to have them cheering me on.

When I arrived the inimitable Emmet ‘O Brien, renowned poet, and MC brought me into the green room.

• I said, Green Room?
• Yes, He said.

I thought he was taking the mickey, but there I was, brought into the Green Room.

• If I knew I would be in the green room I would have sent in my rider, I proffered to Emmet. He smiled and went about the business of organising the lineup of performances for the evening. BTW, my rider is…………Ah, I’ll keep you in suspenders until the end of my rider blogs.

I was on my own for a few minutes before the other girls arrived, and I began to think of what my rider would be. Over the years, I always enjoy hearing of the most ridiculous riders that some of the more divaesque and King-like performers request. Here are some

• Van Halen – No Brown M&Ms. …
• Beyoncé – Titanium Straws & Hand-Carved Ice Balls. …
• Kanye West – CYLINDRICAL VASES Only. …
• Rihanna – A Plush Animal Print Rug. …
• Drake – Always a Dozen Incense Sticks Burning. …
• Adele – The Marlboro & Gum Rule.

 

Over the next few blogs, I shall have some fun sharing some of the most ridiculous riders, where fiction reigns supreme.

You have been warned.

Stay fab

 

Adele

 

I almost forgot to compile my fav blogs for the last six months of 2024.

So here goes. Strap in for some giggles.

 

1. https://adeleleahy.ie/six-impossible-things-before-breakfast-part-four-of-four/

I will never tire of doing six impossible things before breakfast, purely because I will never tire of Alice in Wonderland. The fridge magnet with this saying looks at me every morning while I make my cuppa, as it is stuck to the back of the cooker.

 

2. https://adeleleahy.ie/international-dog-day-august-26th/

Please excuse the repetition, but it is my favourite blog and poem. If you have any further doggy bands, please let me know.

3. Just because I love red lipstick.

https://adeleleahy.ie/poem-red-lipstick/

4. Acute silliness prevails.

https://adeleleahy.ie/olympic-games-and-new-irish-olympic-games/

 

Stay fab

Adele

 

This must be one of my fav SNL sketches. Kristen Wiig, Amy Poehler, Cameron Diaz

and Ashton Kutcher bring their A-game.

Blow joy cracks me up every time, and

• Look, it’s not going to be as gross as you think
• Excuse me for a minute while I take a quick Kegels break.
• Cougars or Mountain Goats?

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNdkCX5u6/

As a wannabe cougar myself, I like to say that I am a trophy wife in the making. Meaning I am atrophying at an alarming rate.

Warning – woeful jokes ahead.

• Do you know that when a cougar gets so old and needs a hearing aid, she becomes a Def Leppard.
• Did you hear about the cougar that went from daily yoga to daily couch surfing?

She went from Namaste to Nom, nom, nom, ass, stay.

• If you are a virgin cougar dater, make sure she is not a cheetah.
• If you date a cougar, avoid any cat-astrophies.
• Purr-play, a cougar’s foreplay.
• A cougar will never admit she is impurrfect.
• A cougar will always ensure you are feline good.

Ok. I am now standing away from the woeful jokes—you’re welcome.

 

Stay fab

Adele

 

Have you ever wondered if fish argue? Well, wonder no more, here is the irrefutable proof.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNdkChfPH/

 

• Bladdy, fack ewe, Bladdy fack ewe, bladdy

It does make me smile every time I see it. I am almost thinking of eating fish no more, as I do not wish to contribute to their woes.Almost.

Now, you may have discerned from their accents that the fish may be Middle Eastern or Asian; perhaps it is a territorial issue within the tank. But this must stop. We cannot have fish arguing in this undignified manner.

I wish to propose a new crowdfunding idea – Please Stop Fish Arguing.

What do you think? Perhaps I can organise people to run marathons, host coffee mornings, and, most appropriately, sponsor swims.

Another proposal for a charity I have had recently is – Teaching Flies How to Speak French. Yesterday I noticed a blue bottle on my window, and it seemed quite depressed. We all know that butterflies are multilingual, and I thought, what if we could teach flies to speak French? Surely that would cheer them up?

Let’s do a crowdfunding for Teaching Flies How to Speak French.

What do you think?

Stay fab

Adele

 

A Kangaroo playing with his didgeridoo/ X Rated

https://www.tiktok.com/@veronicadownunder/video/7457115066861702418

Back to the crass.

To wank, or not to wank? That is the question. In this case, the kangaroo chose the former and appeared to demonstrate with gusto how little he cared about being filmed. I must admit I have not seen many animals wanking. Maybe it is a documentary series Sir David Attenborough may consider filming. I don’t think it has been covered before.

The kangaroo is very comfortable in its self-pleasuring. Well, they are massive motherfu*k*rs, I am sure it is very common in the wild, after all, they have all the time in the world, in between foraging for food and hunting. Their motto could be, rest, hunt/forage/ wank, sleep.

I wonder if elephants wank? It would be a sight to see. What about swans? Maybe there is much more going on below the water, and their graceful, serene air of superiority.

All we know about animals in the wild is what is filmed. Gary Larson has always had great insight into the lives of animals. I reckon he has them sussed.

 

Stay fab

Adele

 

 

It appears the entire sexual harassment case was designed to remove the rights to subsequent films written by the author Colleen Hoover from Justin Baldoni. Blake mentions her need for ‘authorship’ in countless interviews and how she wishes to be perceived beyond her physical beauty.

‘Controlling the narrative’ is another phrase she utilises frequently and offers suggestions to the director. Perhaps Blake should write a book/ script to ensure she controls the narrative. I am sure she has many great skills and would excel at being a director too. Her husband, Ryan Reynolds, also enjoys editing scripts and taking over the direction of a movie.

Between Candace and Perez Hilton, daily updating viewers on TikTok of the machinations of the case, it has become riveting. Another TikTokker, Bee Better, has added his investigative expertise with surprising detail and insight.

And, of course, when all else fails,

And I no longer wish the negative narrative to prevail.

I can always write a ditty.

To reverse a state of mind, and return to being witty.

 

Blake and Baldoni

She made a claim.

Began a dangerous game.

Of cat and mouse.

Suspicions were aroused.

Was it unrequited infatuation?

Did she misread the situation?

Ryan threw a wobbler when he got the scent.

His controlling nature went into ascent.

The best form of defence is attack.

Did she have to get back like that?

Attempting to destroy her co-star and director.

This was low, even for her.

It’s now media fodder and propaganda at its best.

Let’s hope they settle and give us all a rest.

Stay fab

Adele

 

I admit I am obsessed with this case.  Last summer, It Ends With Us, by Colleen Hoover, was our chosen book for the book Club. A few of us went to see it in the cinema. On TikTok, random negative press relating to Blake Lively kept appearing. As usual, I took it with a pinch of salt, but it kept appearing. In particular, an interview with a journalist who said she considered leaving journalism following her interview with Lively, as she had been so rude.

Blake’s press tour did appear to be focused primarily on fashion. Grabbing the girls together to watch the movie with popcorn without mentioning the central theme, domestic violence, was her message. Many said her marketing of the movie was tone deaf.

I decided last summer to take a deep dive and noticed that the negative press became more frequent. Fast forward seven months and here we are with one of the most incredible lawsuits. Baldoni’s lawyer has created a website with every email, text message and document on the case, refuting Lively’s claims.

Without boring you with all the details, the appearance of Ryan and Blake on the SNL – Saturday Night Live 50th birthday celebrations was bizarre. Ryan set up a joke where he mocked the entire case where his wife had brought a sexual harassment case against her Director and co-star.

Ouch.

That hurt.

I just fell off my high horse.

Serves me right.

Stay fab

Adele