My Blog

I confess that I have been remiss in my mission to make you smile. My last three posts have been pensive and melancholy, as that is how I felt. Perhaps because I had eaten too much cauliflower rice and melon desserts. Geddit? Melon and Cauli, melancholy……. Dreadful. I know.

I felt I needed to write poetry as I have always found it to be a powerful cathartic tool. My favourite word is catharsis, particularly where my writing is concerned. It is like the literary equivalent of a deep cleansing breath.

I shall dial up the funny over the next three blogs to make up for it. Beginning with this clip where The Rock imitates Kevin Hart and vice versa. I love their friendship and how they crack each other up continuously. They are such an unlikely pair: the Little and Large of our time.

https://www.tiktok.com/@ajayelimones/video/7161863558433672491?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=7243787831385359899

The big eye from Kevin Hart and then The Rock trying to act like a small person gives me the giggles. They must have the best bromance in Hollywood, as they are forever posting clips of their silly antics.

And some more The Rock and Kevin Hart. Why? Because I can. This is a great phrase that I was reminded of while watching the National Television Awards. Bobby Brazier, the son of the late Jade Goody, honoured his dad, Jeff Brazier, by saying, ‘Why, because I can,’ when he won the best newcomer award for his part in Eastenders.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGJQFeVHc/

 

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

 

If you have not guessed from my previous blogs, I love, love, love the sea.

 

 

 

Poem

Synch or Swim

 

 

A murmuration

Divine creation

Swimmers winning

Paddlers pondering

Children imagining

Thoughts synchronizing

Head submerged

Mind dirge

Self-hatred decaying

Salty sea cleansing

Sand descaling

Seaweed nourishing

Shells beautifying

Rocks strengthening

Sun mystifying

Clouds clarifying

I am the sea.

And I see me

By

Adele Leahy

 

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

 

I met a middle-aged lady a few weeks ago on Malahide Beach. She has lived on the beach in a blue tent for two years. The hostels do not appeal to her as there are too many people with addiction issues.

 

 

 

Poem Trivial

My eyeliner defining me.

My shapewear smoothing my belly.

My blue glitter varnish celebrating my hands.

My Buddha and infinity rings anything but bland.

My coral lipstick to decorate my words

Is my vanity absurd?

Is my ego doing a dance?

In preparation for parlance

Words are trivial

They embellish the convivial.

Conversations and libations

Of philanthropic intentions

Not to mention the pavement person

Outside homeless, another version

Of any one of us. There for the grace of God

As I skulk by with a coin toss and a shameful nod

By

Adele Leahy

 

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

Years ago, I visited Glasnevin Cemetery with a friend but had been too late to book a tour. This time we got it right. What can I say? It was fabulous. If you are into Irish history, it is a must. I loved that they shared some celebrity stories too. Arianna Grande visited and had her photograph taken, which she posted to her Instagram. It got over a million views. And Rod Stewart often visits when he is in Ireland and stands by Grace O Malley’s grave and sings the song, ‘Grace’.

Daniel O Connell’s tomb, Parnell’s and Michael Collin’s graves had amazing stories. Such as Daniel O Connell’s heart is missing from France. It was kept in a box in a tomb and stolen. Michael Collin’s widow wore her wedding dress to the funeral of Michael as they were due to marry.

Parnell’s grave is known as the Cholera Pit. He wanted no special treatment upon his death and asked to be buried with his people. Many of whom had died of Cholera. As the Tolka River ran beneath the pit, it carried Cholera around Dublin, and many more died of the disease. There is a large boulder engraved with ‘Parnell’ to signify his resting place and that of his people.

A Scottish teacher took her easter break to attend the 1916 Rising. In her spare time, she was a sniper. During the Rising, she was shot three times. Other insurgents smuggled her out of Ireland back to Scotland for school on Tuesday.

I understand that cemeteries are not for everyone, but I always seem to find them, like churches, to be very peaceful and serene places.

 

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

 

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGJxgCouP/

I recall from my time working in Dubai that the Fibber McGees pub on Sheikh Zayed Road had a similar sign on a chalk sandwich board as you walked in.  It was- Please leave your husband here in the man creche whilst you shop. You will have the peace of mind of knowing that he is getting quietly sozzled as you spend to your heart’s content.

Today, Dubai is marketed as the ‘Monaco’ of the Middle East. Their tourism marketing has always been off the scale. If you are into high life, awesome hotels, modern architecture and sunshine, then this is the place for you. I left in 2013, having lived there for eight years. I remember going to Fibbers when you could not see your hand in front of you for cigarette smoke.

Fibbers had a fab weekly pub quiz which featured a creative round. It is probably my favourite pub quiz ever. This varied from being given tin foil to design a hat for the Races to plasticine for a new Iconic structure for the country we hailed from. My friends and I created a Rainbow with a leprechaun and a cock of gold. Bringing the tone down was something we excelled in.

 

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

World Ocean Day was last month on June 08^th. I had a perfect walk on Malahide Beach with my dogs, Buzz and Finn. We had it all to ourselves as a relentless light rain drizzled down. My trusty Orca Robe kept me warm. I have ‘The sea is my frequensea’ embroidered onto my right lapel, and as I left the beach, someone remarked that they liked the saying, which was nice as it is my phrase. When I got home, I was inspired to write this poem as the dunes are ravaged further each time I visit, and the coastal erosion is evident.

 

 

Malahide Beach

The sea swims within me.

Waves crashing, mind no longer dashing.

It is louder today, the sea.

As the seagulls, in the heavy rain, sing.

I have it to myself, just the sea and me.

Sea weed-strewn shells of oyster, razor and crab claws.

Four cormorants fly by so gracefully.

Then a curious heron enraptures me with awe.

The erosion is evident every time I visit.

The sea angrily chewing the coast in protest.

Chunks of dune on the beach like litter.

As we plunder and pillage an ocean that is no longer blessed.

By Adele Leahy

 

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

 

I love this man as many, many millions of others do. The first joke I heard that had me in a fit of giggle was told by Billy Connolly on The Parkinson Show on BBC. He was describing an event that he was at where he did not feel very welcome, saying- I felt about as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. To this day, I am quite impressed that I even got the joke. At about eight years old,  I must have understood the physics of methane wafting around a balloon-type suit containing a human. To this day, it still makes me smile.

Humour is a valuable tool for me to deal with challenging circumstances that may arise. A very dear aunt who passed away was very anxious in her last few years. I recall visiting her when she described every pain and ache from her head to her toes. In a bid to fix everything, I mentioned that I knew a well-known Gerontologist in Beaumont Hospital that could see her. My Aunt declined the help, and I got very upset. Her anxiety and not being able to help her really affected me.

Catherine Tate’s Nan character came up on my YouTube, and I decided to imagine myself in the sketch when I next visited my Aunt. I would be the nephew/niece played by Mathew Horne. My dear Aunt would be Nan. Even though it was a crazy idea, it really helped to quell my anxiety from then on.

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling are busy promoting their new Barbie movie. I adore both actors but have never been a Barbie fan. Everything about the movie is pink, which is my least favourite colour. I try to be more punk than pink.

Below is the link to the trailer.

https://youtu.be/pBk4NYhWNMM

I am not a girly girl, never have been, and never will be. But the above joke did make me smile. Between a Barbie movie and the Lego movie. What is next? Marvel Comics seems to have exhausted its superhero repertoire. I did hear last week that they are doing a Barney movie. But this is a Barnie movie with a twist, as it is for adults. Apparently, it is very dark indeed. Daniel Kaluuya plays the lead, and he is an amazing actor.

If we are going down the route of an adult style Barnie movie, maybe we could have a Teletubby Horror Movie or The Wombles of Wimbledon getting whacked on weed? The possibilities are endless.

Zig and Zag must be Ireland’s most famous puppet duo. They are unashamedly rude, insulting, and irreverent, and it is very hard not to adore them. When they have interviewed celebrities over the years, they need to have a good sense of humour as Zig and Zag will rip them apart.

And just because I am obsessed with Robin Williams, here are Zig and Zag interviewing the great man himself on the Big Breakfast. I cannot believe I found it. Enjoy.

https://youtu.be/OueHkbnZjdQ

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

I love it when my two dogs, Buzz and Finn, spot another dog they like and begin a circle of sniffing each other’s behind. It is essentially a ‘Sniffing circle of joy,’ as they all have doggiegasms. Dogs have roughly forty times more smell-sensitive receptors than humans, making their sense of smell forty times stronger than ours. They can also smell up to forty feet underground.

Scientists have trained them for drug detection and now detection of cancer in humans as well as Covid and blood sugar irregularities. I recently learnt that they could fly as emotional support animals, not like Superman, but on an Airplane. I knew that they are used for the blind and special needs, but it seems there is no end to how amazing they are.

Occasionally my two dogs bark at passersby. It could be because they do not like the colour of their socks, but they particularly despise delivery men such as Amazon, An Post and DPD. I can only imagine that maybe they are anti-capitalist and anti-materialist, although it is more likely they just hate delivery drivers.

I give them treats when they are quiet as a positive reward. Lately, whilst giving them a treat, I say- Peace be with you, to keep a peaceful, bark-free environment. But I do feel like a priest giving them the host. It makes me smile.

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

Tantric and Orgasmic meditation will forever be associated with Sting and Trudie Styler. I believe it is taught in marketing degrees as one of the greatest media faux pas. Since he mentioned his proclivity for Tantric sex thirty years ago, he has been forever associated with it. There are now retreats that will help you train to achieve the best orgasm. Who knew?

Silent retreats do what they say on the tin. Drug retreats allow attendees to practice taking Class A drugs in a safe and guided space. A Fuck it, farting and silent retreat would be a great amalgamation of the three. Retreats that practice Cold water therapy, breathwork and Cryotherapy help circulation, reduce inflammation and allow the recipient to feel rejuvenated. The hyperoxygenation of the blood in deep breathing resets the mind and body.

Prison pampering also does what it says on the tin by pampering inmates with manicures, pedicures, massages, facials and haircuts. They pay for the services out of their earnings in prison and can receive vocational training in these areas as well as in baking, sewing, and handicrafts to prepare them for employment upon release.

Kambo-frog poison and Ayahuasca are all the rage now. People can travel to the Amazon for an authentic, immersive experience. I have tried Kambo, but it did not work for me. Seven holes were burnt into my upper arm, and the frog poison was applied for absorption. The practice involves purging through vomiting and can allow the recipient to access suppressed emotions in their subconscious. Upon application, I felt a profound wave of nausea for about an hour but little else.

Ayahuasca claims to cure mental and physical illness via communication with the spirit world, as it can be a very transformative and spiritual experience. As an Amazonian plant-based brew containing the potent psychoactive DMT, the concoction is drunk, and the recipient will then experience a profound, guided drug-like state that will access their unconscious. Many seek ayahuasca retreats to overcome trauma, depression, anxiety, addiction, and other mental health issues. It claims to re-wire your brain, but it needs careful consideration like everything.

I am off to book a Silent, Farting and Fuck It retreat.

All the best

Stay fab

Adele