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I love this photo of Buzz and Finn. If I could just teach them to sing an Abba song……….

Well, it’s been a year to remember, that’s for sure. Where do I start? I climbed Mount Everest, had a baby, taught an Orangutan in Borneo how to speak and played the lead in a movie with Brad Pitt that won an Oscar. Oh, and then I woke up. But it was an amazing dream.

In reality, I averaged 8,500 steps per day. This is blog number 482 over three years. I performed my poetry at Electric Picnic (Thanks to Charlotte and Stephen, The Dublin Writer )  and got to the final of The Fingal Poetry Slam and the Leinster All-Ireland Slam. I performed three stories at The Sugar Club Story Slam and did my first Open Mic Stand up gig before Christmas. Performing for the Festival in a Van and on The Skerries Poetry Trail were also highlights and several other Open Mics.

I attended a few spiritual and mind health courses as well as going to Marseilles as part of a steering group on mind health with Dublin City University (DCU). A few of my poems have been published and I finished the year running an Art of Poetry workshop with my friend Paula at Dublin City University. It went really well and I hope to edit our Anthology and put a performance together for the DCU Spring Festival.

I submitted my book chapters to agents and publishers and realised I needed to go back and re-edit. I entered numerous competitions for short stories and poetry which I will continue to do. As they say, fail, fail again, fail better. Rejections are merely milestones in fulfilling my dream of my debut Romcom being published.

 

Happy New Year

It’s going to be a great one; I can feel it in me water.

 

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

Happy Christmas. It’s been a cracker, I have had my icy swim, lots of lovely grub, a few beach doggy walks, and now for the swan dive onto the sofa and some TV binge watching….

My home looks like Santa’s grotto and my external Christmas lights are impressive. Even my neighbour remarked on them.

This year everyone has made much more of an effort with their lights and Christmas decorations. I love walking Buzz&Finn late at night to see all the different lights, flashing, twinkling, and sparkling.

I am feeling festive overall but can vacillate between joy and sadness as the day has glimmers (the opposite of triggers) as well as triggers.

Buzz and Finn look pretty cool in their Christmas jumpers too. My favorite movies to watch at this time of year are

 

1. The Sound of Music
2. The Wizard of Oz
3. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

I have been watching them all since I was a little girl and I still adore them and know all of the songs.

This year my friend and her father watched It’s a Wonderful Life, at The 1920’s ( One hundred year old) Art Deco Stella Cinema in Rathmines. We had such a lovely time as I had forgotten what a lovely movie it was.

 

Happy Christma

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

I believe that little people or people of short stature regard this day as the most important day in their year as being short in stature they feel in alignment with the universe and the shortest day of the year. For many, it can resemble Comic Con as they dress up as the seven dwarfs, leprechauns, the munchkins, and the Oompa Loompas,

People who are not genetically little people but are very short in stature all gather for a Short Festival on the grounds of the Kilkenny Festival in Ireland. No one over the age of eighteen can attend and you must be under five feet. They play dare games, by somebody drawing the short straw and attend cookery classes where they perfect their shortbread skills in baking.

I must apologise, and please do not get short with me but everything written above is complete and utter codswallop. However, what is written below is true.

The shortest day of the year is very short indeed. And according to Irish myth, the evenings will now get longer every night by a cock’s step. This means that each evening will be lengthened by two minutes each day or an hour each month. It appears that it has been said in almost every county in Ireland.

 

Happy Winter Solstice

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

I thought you might like to read my short story, Flashing Pope, which was published this time last year in the Alternating Current Anthology edited by Alan McMunnugal and his team at www.thi-wurd.com. I visited Glasgow for the launch which is truly a spectacular city. It was a privilege to read my story at this time and when I returned in April for the re-launch.

 

Short Story Flashing Pope

 

I was 13 and it was 1983 in a boy’s only Christian brother school disco called ‘The Oasis’ in Dublin. Shalimar’s ‘Make This a Night to Remember’ was playing and I was sitting on the lap of Dave Savage as he surreptitiously fanny fiddled me. I wasn’t sure whether I liked it or not. A great uncle had done it to me when I was seven and it never felt right. But in The Oasis that night it didn’t matter as I liked him, the song and enjoyed my first snog. Although his tongue was a bit like a snake. The picture of the Pope on the wall behind the DJ was flashing. It was illuminated by the strobe lights.

A few of the Christian brothers were milling about watching out for untoward behaviour. One of them came over to us as the savage finger was rather swiftly removed from my pants. I jumped off his lap and went looking for my friends to delight in relaying my snogging news.

Every time I see a picture of the Pope now, I think of the savage fanny fiddler and say a prayer for his wellbeing along with my great uncle. It sounds like a great name for a new Irish Trad band ‘Savage Fanny Fiddler’. I tried various things throughout my life from nursing to webcam nursing fetishism. Which incidentally was a great earner but didn’t do a huge amount for my self-esteem. The sexy nurse and nun fetish is remarkably popular online. The ones that paid the most asked for the nurse-nun hybrid. I always got a kick out of it. However, in the end, none of it nourished my soul.

Everything came full circle when I finally returned to my childhood wish of becoming a nun. I spent a month as a guest in The Abbey to see whether it was for me. Followed by another 6 months and then one month at home to finally consider the new life I was about to begin. It’s not exactly the Nonnberg Abbey from The Sound of Music but it is a beautiful Abbey all the same in a lovely village in County Wexford in Ireland. Sisters of Mercy is my order which incidentally was my favorite band.

This morning I attended a funeral of one of the postulants. She had been a dear friend and confidante and was forever asking me to change my name from Sister Mary Felician to Sister Mary. She knew that one of the reasons I chose it was because it reminded me of the word fellatio. She reasoned that choosing a nun’s name based on the fact that it reminded me of a rude word was not very nun-like. I could see her point but the imp in me still loved to announce my name proudly whenever asked and smile inwardly at my mental wordplay.

Whilst they were lowering the coffin into the ground, I had to stop myself from smiling. I asked Pat the Butcher earlier on this morning how he was and he replied

‘Ah, above the ground’.

As opposed to the usual stock answer

‘Ah, I’m grand’.

I laughed as I had never heard it before. He told me that he saw it on some Irish TV programme. That was all I could think of whilst they were lowering Sr. Eustace. I think I have always used humour to deal with sad situations. To stop myself from smiling I had to think of all the places where you could not use this response. The following came to mind -The Underground in the UK, The Metro in France, coal mining in Australia, Cave diving, Scuba diving, post-apocalypse in a bunker and at a funeral. Definitely not at a funeral.

I enjoy lectio divina- where we study scripture and contemplate in the library- as it stops my mind from wandering to unholy things. A picture of Pope Francis hangs above my bed as I enjoy praying to him. My niece bought me a miniature disco ball as a joke when I announced my intention to become a nun. She said that I could recreate the ‘silent disco’ atmosphere in my room when I needed a break from being so holy. I couldn’t throw it away when I was ordained.

The magic mushroom kit that I bought online has paid dividends. They grow so well under my bed in the cool shade. Sr. Bernadette is a great pal and I have nicknamed her ‘Cupcake’ as she loves them. Particularly the red velvet ones that I make when I can have the kitchen to myself. The first time she had one she said that eating it was like a religious experience which gave us the giggles. We get together tonight as it is Saturday for a catch-up after evening Mass and our seventh period of prayers. I made the cupcakes early this morning at 3 am so that the oven could cool down before I could be found out as everyone rises for the first prayer at 4 am. I have added a few ‘shrooms’ as usual and cannot wait until we get off our merry tits on them. With the flashing Pope giving us his blessing and the disco light on the bible on top of my bedside locker. Our evening is always prefaced by a mutual orgasmic fanny fiddle.

 

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

This has to be one of my favourite and saddest stories of 2023. Favourite because I cannot believe that a dog lived to the ripe age of thirty-one. And saddest because he has sadly passed away. I have always believed that, besides exercise and food, dogs live on love. They give so much of it unconditionally, that if they receive it in return they will live as long as they need to.

https://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/world/world-s-oldest-dog-dies-as-owner-reveals-secret-to-his-long-life/ar-AA1iGAPK?ocid=winp2fptaskbarhover&cvid=5752f23e8f4848ec8275410a19e68c01&ei=11

He was a purebred of the Rafeiro do Alentejo breed named Bobi. This breed normally has a life expectancy of between twelve and fourteen years. The Portuguese government’s pet database and the National Union of Veterinarians confirmed his birth date.

 He beat the record previously held by Bluey, aged 29 years and five months, an Australian cattle dog who died in 1939. Bobi lived in the small rural village of Conqueiros in Portugal. His long life was attributed to being fed regular food eaten by his owners and roaming free around the land of the Costa family.

The loss of a pet is always devastating to any family but in this case, I am sure they still miss him terribly but realise how blessed they were for their beautiful dog to live for more than twice his normal life span.

They really are our furry angels. They are happy to give and receive lots of love and cuddles once they are fed a nutritious diet and exercised regularly.

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

I wrote this poem for my Aunty Nora who lives in a place called Templenacarriga near Midleton in County Cork. Back in September this year I visited and we went down the field with her dachshunds to meet her cows. It was a cherished moment for me. When she told me that she talks to her cows, I said – Why wouldn’t you?

 

Templenacarriga

Saffron leaves have turned to gold.

The manure farm air invigorates my body and my soul.

My cathedral of God’s given earth.

Blesses my senses on this morning’s birth.

 

 

The Robin worships his tree with song.

Lost in the chirping chorus, this is where I belong.

His proud red breast glorifies my sanctuary.

As I rejoice and give thanks for my health, my farm and family.

 

 

A hush and my secret silence descends.

The chandelier spider’s web with dew drops glistens.

A rabbit spots me and scurries into a bush.

The inky sky attempting to blot out the sun’s blush.

 

 

My dachshunds are dashing around my feet.

As they invigorate my retreat.

Their infectious energy adds to my joy sense.

I amble down the hill to my Friesian friends.

 

 

Communing with my cows always delivers delight.

As they come, we discuss our day and our night.

I tell them what is on my mind and they tell me what is on theirs.

We dispel one another’s worries, troubles, and cares.

 

 

My ancestral divinity infuses this land.

God gathers me in his beauty and takes me by the hand.

This farm is my heavenly compass.

My morning baptismal is how I am blessed.

By

Adele Leahy

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

Whilst walking my dogs yesterday I overheard the following which made me smile.

• Can you do a poop for me now? Come on now. What are the chances?

She got no reply.

• Now, is there any way you can do a shit for me?

Again. No response. Possibly the reason for the lack of response was the fact that she was talking to her dog. The last time I checked, dogs do not talk. Huskies try, their videos are all over TikTok. In fairness, there are one or two other doggy videos where a dog will make a good effort to talk to their owner, but by and large, dogs do not speak. Here are some of the dogs attempting to talk.

https://youtu.be/4XFTq1sW9tI?si=z0JPLJflA0D_y22f

As I was walking away from her, I could not help smiling to myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I chat regularly with my dogs, but I draw the line at negotiating with them to poop.

Sometimes when I am going out and leaving them for a while, I notice the book by my bed and recommend they have a read. Upon my return, I ask them what they thought. It’s like a canine book club. This week’s book is, The Bee Sting, by Paul Murray. There are no mentions of dogs in the book, so far, which probably means that they will be less interested. The last book I read that featured a dog was, A Dog’s Purpose. They loved it, or I like to think that they did. And when I am not ensconced in my delightful delusions, I remind myself that dogs do not talk or read. But they do give the best cuddles.

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

After ten minutes or so, another lady, who I knew to be a Traveller, was entering her dog into the best breed competition. She had a lovely face and was looking at me intently. She then went on to ask me if I was psychic. I said that maybe I was and how, as psychics, we can often recognize one another.

Her dog was not placed, and I could see she was visibly disappointed. At the intermission, she came to me and asked me if I could give her dog a rosette. Myself and my friend were responsible for the presentation of the trophies and rosettes and were quite busy. I did not want my credibility questioned, so I asked the organizer, and she agreed. At the end of the competition, I gave her a blue rosette that said, ‘Special dog.’ She was thrilled. She then touched my arm and told me I would win a car and buy a lottery ticket as I may have some money coming to me.

I bought a few lottery tickets and a ticket for a car draw before Christmas. I have had no luck with the lottery, but I will let you know if I win anything. Overall, it was a fab day with so many beautiful dogs.

 

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

 

A few years ago, my friend from Ballinasloe showed me a shocking video on Facebook. We both trained as nurses at Portiuncula Hospital in Ballinasloe many moons ago. The Ballinasloe Horse Fair is the oldest in Europe, and every now and then, we go back and take a lovely trip down memory lane.

The video was a real-life video of a middle-aged lady from Hymany Park in Ballinasloe threatening one of her neighbours. She said that she would get an axe to her door. The video then went on to show her son waving an axe at her neighbor’s front door. It was hard to believe how emphatic this lady was with her threats towards her neighbour. I wondered if the Gardai had become involved at any stage due to the public nature of the outcry. For some reason, I got a fit of the giggles when I saw it, as it was hard to believe.

This year, we were helping my friend’s sister at The Dog Show. It was a bright sunny day, and possibly one hundred dogs entered the twenty-five competitions. The competitions varied from best in breed, most obedient, best fancy dress to judges’ favourite.

When I was collecting the money for the dog show, my friend tapped me on the shoulder and said that I had just served the ‘Axe Lady,’ I was in shock and weirdly in awe. So was my friend. We both shrieked with as much joy as had we both seen a unicorn. Afterwards, I was scared to even look at her. Perhaps it was her infamy that intrigued us. But we just about held it together and continued to serve the other customers.

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

 

Halloween

Tonight, the spirits come alive,

And the ghouls begin to thrive.

The zombies roam with zeal.

As children and adults scream.

A knock on your bedroom door,

A monster desperate for gore

And then another, this time a thud

A vampire to suck your blood

Will your soul go to a ghoul?

Will you become vicious and cruel?

Will you relish in the gore?

The horror and the folklore?

As your blood curdles.

Your Spirit unfurls

A werewolf will tear you apart.

And cease your beating heart.

A fog will envelop your mind.

What you then see, you will wish you were blind.

The Mummies come undone.

As every possible victim runs.

The Grim Reaper is on a mission.

As you have lacked contrition.

Witches fly around on brooms.

Lock your bedroom door soon.

There may be a monster beneath your bed.

Or a man under his arm, carrying his head.

Frankenstein will fill you with fear.

A safe haven will never be near.

Behave and beware.

They are out to get you.

They do not care.

All the best

Stay fab

Adele