Warning – Suicidal ideation trigger.
The following poem was accepted for performance at the Leinster heat of the All-Ireland Poetry Slam at Sin E on Ormond Quay.
It was written during a period in my life when I was very low. At the time, writing this poem was a valuable cathartic experience for me.
I question, am I the only one?
With an unkind mosquito mind.
My mental health is a sham.
As I abhor who I am.
My pseudo happiness, pretending I am blessed.
Embalming my soul in binging alcohol.
Over-pleasing beyond reason.
You must love me, as I do not.
My blindness to my innate goodness is unsustainable.
I need to begin to feel well.
I have had a trillion thoughts.
Too many, where sanity was sought.
Is this the thought to undo my existence?
Am I not worth more than this moment spent?
Lacking self-compassion and patience.
I deserve my life, the joy and the strife.
I can overcome my mind squall.
By seeking help and challenging it all.
I am better than this; can I give myself a soul kiss?
I have too much to give, but I have to forgive
Myself and my fragility, times when it is so hard being me.
I will try to transmute my pain into peace
To sit with my emotions, surrender and release.