Month: December 2022

I had the misfortune of attending ER in Beaumont Hospital on Christmas Day as a chest infection was resilient to three antibiotics and three courses of steroids. Poor me, but seriously there is a woeful triumvirate of flu, Covid and chest infections going around. It seems even worse than when we had Covid, as, during that time, many of us thought that it was primarily Covid that we were fighting.

The waiting time was four hours as I had a chest x-ray and bloods taken. During this time, I was treated to some great emergency room chat entertainment that I thought I might share with you.

I was sitting in a cubicle with a couple behind me, and the partner was trying to cheer his girlfriend up.

-Ah, sure, it could be worse. It could be Christmas day.

-But it is.

-I know, I’m only messin.

-Keep that up ‘an you’ll need a few more x-rays.

Then I was privy to somebody registering, and my heart went out to the lady that was trying to get his details to see if he already had a file.

-I was on the lash, an I think I broke me toe.

-What makes you think that?

-Well, it’s painin me an’ bruised.

-Have you been here before?

-Do ya mean do I come here often? Heard tha’ in Coppers last night.

-No, I mean, have you ever been here before?

-Yeah, I brought me Ma in last month.

-As a patient? To see if we have a file on you?

-Ehm, no, don’t think so.

-What’s your date of birth?

-I’m old enough to be here. I promise.

At this point, I couldn’t suppress the giggles anymore and forced myself to cough, which started a spasm of coughing convulsions. I was then called back in to get my results. I am glad to say that all is grand as two days later, a Christmas miracle occurred, and I began to feel less like an 80-year-old with TB and Emphysema.

Merry Christmas to one and all.

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

I heard an Irish phrase recently, and it tickled me as it reminded me of Fozzie Bear from the Muppets. Come to think of it, anything that reminds me of The Muppets always seems to tickle me. Watching them as a child were some of my greatest childhood memories. They regularly feature in my blogs. From Kermit to Animal, to Miss Piggy and, of course, the one and only Grover.

Ná bac le mac an bhacaigh (pronounced -wakka )  is ní bhacfaidh mac an bhacaigh leat! —- Don’t bother the beggar’s son, and the beggar’s son won’t bother you! – Fozzy Bear in The Muppets- Wakka wakka wakka.

https://youtu.be/yFOuCYHvtoA

And here are The Muppets singing Bohemian Rhapsody. Why? Because I just cannot help myself.

https://youtu.be/tgbNymZ7vqY

This is a beautiful famous Irish saying, Nil aon tinteán mar do thinteán féin / There’s no Fireside like your own.

And of course, the rude parody version of the same saying, Nil aon thontain mar do thontain fein- theirs no asshole like my asshole. Everyone knows, Pog mo thon- kiss my arse, which has to be one of our most famous and loved Irish phrases. I blame my propensity for being crude, crass and ribald on being Irish. At least that’s my excuse and I am going to stick to it.

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

Here are some silly jokes that have tickled me lately, which are more than welcome as they have helped me over my temporary Decemberitis.

 

One armed butlers. They can take it, but they can’t dish it out – Tim Vine, Comedian and Godfather of one-liners.

 

Room service, send up a larger room

 

A few decades ago, we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve jobs. Now we have no hope, no cash, and no jobs. Please don’t let Kevin Bacon die

 

Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time

 

I like the Pope. You know the white thing on his head? If you push that down and twist it. It is full of sweets 

 

My mind has morphed into animal puns and jokes for the last week, and I am desperate to stop, as it is just not funny anymore.

 

Depeche Moooood, if ever a herd of cows wanted to re-imagine the greatest 90’s synth rock band?

 

Do cows ever get into Moods? Moo-ds 

 

A bar run by a dog- Bar King?

 

When a panda pees, is it pandemonium? Panda, ammonium? 

 

If cows had phones, would they be called a moobile? 

 

If the Sesame Street cookie monster and a dog were crossed with each other, would it be called a Cookie Dough -Berman pincher? (Doberman….)

 

If a sloth was to become a private investigator, would it be called a stealth sleuth sloth? (Try saying that quickly or after Christmas dinner).

 

You may be relieved to hear that I will now step far away from the bad jokes.

 

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

https://www.thi-wurd.com/publications/

What a city, what a weekend. Glasgow surpassed all my expectations. On the night of the Alternating currents anthology launch by thi-wurd, I recited my short story, Flashing Pope and received wonderful feedback. It got some laughs which made my night. It is a truly wonderful anthology lovingly compiled by Alan McMunnigall and his team. The front cover art design and the illustrations within the book are also beautiful.

Earlier in the day, my sister and I decided to go to the Kelvingrove Art history museum. It is a large magnificent red brick Victorian building that would easily take more than a day to get around. It has a north, south, east and west and reminded me of a mini-Louvre.

On Friday night, we had probably one of my favourite meals as it combined my love of Indian and Tapas. It was an Indian Tapas restaurant, something I have never seen in Ireland. Later in the evening, we went to a luxury cinema called Everyman, which was showing the movie, She said. The story outlined the struggle of the journalists to convince the victims of Harvey Weinstein to tell their stories.

It has inspired me to write a poem called ‘Hush,’ where so many of the most heinous crimes of the last fifty years have involved silence and moving perpetrators of these crimes around to avoid confronting the real issues.

 

All the best

Stay fab

Adele