Month: June 2023

I love it when my two dogs, Buzz and Finn, spot another dog they like and begin a circle of sniffing each other’s behind. It is essentially a ‘Sniffing circle of joy,’ as they all have doggiegasms. Dogs have roughly forty times more smell-sensitive receptors than humans, making their sense of smell forty times stronger than ours. They can also smell up to forty feet underground.

Scientists have trained them for drug detection and now detection of cancer in humans as well as Covid and blood sugar irregularities. I recently learnt that they could fly as emotional support animals, not like Superman, but on an Airplane. I knew that they are used for the blind and special needs, but it seems there is no end to how amazing they are.

Occasionally my two dogs bark at passersby. It could be because they do not like the colour of their socks, but they particularly despise delivery men such as Amazon, An Post and DPD. I can only imagine that maybe they are anti-capitalist and anti-materialist, although it is more likely they just hate delivery drivers.

I give them treats when they are quiet as a positive reward. Lately, whilst giving them a treat, I say- Peace be with you, to keep a peaceful, bark-free environment. But I do feel like a priest giving them the host. It makes me smile.

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

Tantric and Orgasmic meditation will forever be associated with Sting and Trudie Styler. I believe it is taught in marketing degrees as one of the greatest media faux pas. Since he mentioned his proclivity for Tantric sex thirty years ago, he has been forever associated with it. There are now retreats that will help you train to achieve the best orgasm. Who knew?

Silent retreats do what they say on the tin. Drug retreats allow attendees to practice taking Class A drugs in a safe and guided space. A Fuck it, farting and silent retreat would be a great amalgamation of the three. Retreats that practice Cold water therapy, breathwork and Cryotherapy help circulation, reduce inflammation and allow the recipient to feel rejuvenated. The hyperoxygenation of the blood in deep breathing resets the mind and body.

Prison pampering also does what it says on the tin by pampering inmates with manicures, pedicures, massages, facials and haircuts. They pay for the services out of their earnings in prison and can receive vocational training in these areas as well as in baking, sewing, and handicrafts to prepare them for employment upon release.

Kambo-frog poison and Ayahuasca are all the rage now. People can travel to the Amazon for an authentic, immersive experience. I have tried Kambo, but it did not work for me. Seven holes were burnt into my upper arm, and the frog poison was applied for absorption. The practice involves purging through vomiting and can allow the recipient to access suppressed emotions in their subconscious. Upon application, I felt a profound wave of nausea for about an hour but little else.

Ayahuasca claims to cure mental and physical illness via communication with the spirit world, as it can be a very transformative and spiritual experience. As an Amazonian plant-based brew containing the potent psychoactive DMT, the concoction is drunk, and the recipient will then experience a profound, guided drug-like state that will access their unconscious. Many seek ayahuasca retreats to overcome trauma, depression, anxiety, addiction, and other mental health issues. It claims to re-wire your brain, but it needs careful consideration like everything.

I am off to book a Silent, Farting and Fuck It retreat.

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

I am doing an online digital detox course…………

I had the displeasure of attending Koh Samui in Thailand in 2009 for a detox with colonics retreat. We fasted and gave ourselves colonics twice daily for seven days. I lost five kilos and my soul. For the entire week, I, and the other sadists/gluttons for punishment (please do not excuse the dreadful pun) spoke about food. How we would cook it, serve it, and eat it. No cuisine was left undiscussed as our tummies collectively rumbled, and we suffered on regardless.

How I wish we had laughter yoga to distract us at the time. Laughter yoga combines yoga breathing techniques with simulated laughter exercises. I did it as a kid without realising I was doing it. To begin, I would force a guttural laugh and repeat this a few times. After the third or fourth time, I began laughing hysterically at the fact I sounded so ridiculous.

It was developed in 1995 by Dr Madan Kataria, a doctor from India who realised the health benefits of laughter. Apparently, the body cannot differentiate between real and fake laughter; therefore, even simulated laughter has the same benefits as real laughter.

As a participant, you let go of your inhibitions and tap into your inner child to improve mood, reduce stress levels, and boost the immune system. I would recommend wearing Tena Lady to avoid any mishaps……

‘Farting’ and ‘Fuck it’ retreats are also a thing. Although I really think that they should combine the two. In the ‘Fuck it’ retreats, the attendees are very anti-establishment and shout their dissatisfactions within a safe, non-judgmental group. A ‘Farting’ retreat is self-explanatory.

 

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

Inspirational Retreats appear to be the go-to holiday for now. We have always needed holidays to relax, but nowadays, we need the digital detox, too, quality time away from our screens. In Parts one, two and three, I will detail some of the more popular ones, and because of my facetious nature, I will include some that are ridiculous, and you can decide if they are true or not.

How about the Sacred Passover retreat, where you drink the ashes of the dead to encapsulate their good spirit. Bet you could be dead relaxed after it…sorry. Perhaps some time away at a retreat specialising in animals and reptiles, including snake massages and sniffing Aardvarks. Apparently, Aardvarks emit a pheromone which is extremely relaxing and can help with anxiety. Snail massages, where snails slither all over your back, also have a similar effect. An elephant-dropping massage can improve your memory and stave off dementia, as elephants never forget.

But I nearly keeled over when I discovered a retreat that insists you dress as your favorite Muppet character whilst experiencing magic mushrooms, aka psilocybin in the form of micro-dosing. I have written several blogs over the years which have featured my favorite Muppet characters hence my reaction when I discovered this retreat. Surely, they must allow us to switch and change Muppet outfits on different days to allow people like myself who have a few favorites? I can see myself now dressed as Animal one day, Grover the next and finishing with a flourish as The Swedish Chef. Honestly, I would skip the drug bit as I am not a fan and would maybe just offer to help whilst the other Muppets get merrily off their little heads.

There are such things as crying retreats where you can access any unconscious pain and attempt to release it through crying. It is great for self-soothing and releases oxytocin and endorphins, which work on physical and emotional pain such as grief, loss, trauma, depression, anxiety, and stress. I can just see myself at this retreat, crying like a banshee and enjoying every minute. For now, if I need a good cry, I just watch the movie, Pay it Forward. It works—every single time.

All the best

Stay fab

Adele