Category: Uncategorized

 

Today I shall carry on from yesterday’s theme with the Chinese Bond villain called Muff Munch as my memory has been piqued. Excuse me whilst I wax (Muff?) lyrical (Yes pun therapy continues and is largely unsuccessful).

In my early 20’s I worked in Riyadh Saudi Arabia for a few years. We had quite a colorful social life whilst we worked there. I had just finished my first PADI scuba diving course and was looking forward to attending a friends birthday celebration. We were all getting together at the British aerospace compound.

I was chatting to one of the guys about my diving course and he told me that he worked as a muff diver. Everybody around me started chuckling. Which should have warned me for what was to come.

I had no idea what he meant as I had never heard the phrase before. Full of confidence I asked him what a muff diver was? He told me that a muff diver was a ‘Marine underwater firefighter’.

I knew he was having me on as putting fires out under water made no sense to me. I questioned him further. He further elucidated that he had worked on an oil rig where welding the frame of the rig underwater would sometimes cause fires. This seemed feasible enough to me.

I didn’t question him any further but there was still lots of sniggering going on around me. I took one of the other guys to one side and asked him what everybody thought was so funny. He gave me the true explanation of muff diving and I was mortified.

A few months later we were at the Dubai Sevens Rugby tournament. Many revelers wore different types of crazy fancy dress costumes. Some Welsh chaps dressed up as sheep. They were covered in hundreds of cotton wool balls and made sheep noises as they queued up at the bar. One of the rugby fans was dressed in full skin suit and written across his forehead was Muff Diver. I had to get a photo taken with him and told him my story of my embarrassment. To this day I have never forgotten the moment I had the royal piss taken out of me.

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

(Warning the following may offend or make you giggle)

It’s so sad to have lost the great Sir Sean Connery. The one and only James Bond. With his devilishly handsome looks, a raised eye brow and come-hither look. He epitomized the swarthy sexy hero. And just in case that wasn’t enough he had the ever so sexy Scottish accent to boot.

Both men and women around the world swooned whenever he played their favorite character.  The bond girl names however were often questionable. I mean Pussy Galore? Really?  Why did they not have a Greek villain by the name of Phallus Generous?  At least the silly names could be divided across the genders. Holly Goodhead from Moonraker. Why not have a Chinese villain by the name of Muff Munch.  Or finally Chew Mee in The Man with the Golden Gun could have had an Irish villain by the name of Nosh O’ Tool. Just sayin.

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

 

A few years ago, I was on a committee where we had finished our annual conference.  We were all gathered in the evening for dinner and were having pre dinner drinks. There were many professors in our presence and somebody began to discuss porn star names.  Most of us had heard of this game and a few had not. The game was explained to those who were unaware in that your porn star name is your first pets name and your mother’s maiden name.  There were 18 of us gathered around a huge table in the corner of the hotel bar.

When it came around to me, I had thought about telling the truth and then I thought again.  The minx in me took over.  Silence fell as everyone was waiting for me to reveal my name.  I took a deep breath and announced, ‘Licky Licky long time’.

There was a moment’s delayed reaction until everyone realized what I had said, and then howls of laughter.  I started laughing also as I could not keep a straight face anymore.  One of the Professors at the end of the room said ‘Really, is that really your porn star name’ and I explained that it wasn’t. My first pet was a beautiful grey poodle called ‘Pepi’ and my mother’s maiden name is ‘Leahy’, therefore ‘Pepi Leahy’ would be my real porn star name.

I’ve realized since that ‘Licky Licky long time’ is actually quite a good name and perhaps if I do ever decide to enter the industry or open an Only Fans page that this might stand to me. Then again, perhaps not.

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

   

Happy November 01^st.  We made it.  Just about.  Pats on the back must be commandeered all round.  I had a fabulous sea swim today with two amazing women. There were quite a few people taking the plunge.  I am so proud of myself as I have never swum in the sea in the winter and whilst it wasn’t exactly balmy it wasn’t exactly Baltic either.  The camaraderie is always priceless too as we all secretly pat ourselves on the back for being a combination of brave and a bit crazy.  But like I always say it’s the crazy bits that are always the most enjoyable.  Who enjoys convention all of the time?

Walking Buzz and Finn this morning became quite interesting.  I bumped into a neighbor. We were commenting on the noticeable proliferation of dog poo on our regular walks. Nothing odd about this.  Shit happens.  But my neighbor began to describe the dog poo in forensic detail. Apparently, the dog must have been eating Weetabix as this was what he deemed the consistency to be.  I nodded knowingly but it wasn’t until I walked away that I began to think about it.  And as I was thinking about it, I walked into a sample of the Weetabix evidence.  Suffice to say that Weetabix is no longer a breakfast choice for me.

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

 

Tonight, the clocks go back and I cannot wait to begin my hibernation good and proper.  Apparently, accidents and thefts are always on the increase when the clocks change due to the confusion it causes and possibly because many people forget.  I love having the extra hour in bed also.

When I mentioned that the clocks were going back to an elderly neighbor who is hard of hearing she said

‘What, the cocks go black?’

She is a bit of a divil and part of me believes that she knew what she was saying but it made me giggle all the same. Having lived in the Middle East for over ten years I always missed the seasons.  I am home now eight years and I believe that I am still in the honeymoon period regarding the weather and the seasons. Autumn is probably my favorite but to be honest I love them all.

There is always talk of not changing the times due to the confusion but it works for me. Bring on the long dark evening when nightfall begins at 16.00.

I am off to make a giant cup of tea and put in my order for two deluxe cuddle packages from both Buzz and Finn.

All the best

Stay Fab

Adele

What a day. A weird one indeed. The culmination of synchronicities that began at the beginning of the week.  I was at a meeting and someone dropped their keys in the meeting.  Nothing too odd about that.  On Wednesday the same thing happened in a supermarket and I ran after the person to return their keys to them.  Today I was parking my car to go for a swim when someone getting out of their cars dropped their keys.

I believe in the rule of threes.   In that good things happen in threes and bad things happen in threes. And cats happen in trees but that’s another thing altogether. Apparently, the spiritual meaning of seeing lots of keys is that they can signify freedom and answers to unknown problems.

I also had three black cats pass in front of me. At various times I must add. Otherwise, it would be pure spooky. And finally, I had three different telephone calls interrupted by really weird interference which sounded like the old modems or alien abductions. Not sure which.

So where are my feckin keys? My phone keeps showing me advertisements for locksmiths which are freaking me out. Is the universe having a laugh or something?

I’ve said three prayers to St. Anthony and whilst walking the dogs I was on high alert for a black cat to grant me the luck to find them. Instead, Buzz got out of his new collar and started chasing a black cat. Not sure what it all means but a bit to Halloweeny for my liking.

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

Running on from yesterday’s theme of bingo I was reminded of a story I was told when I was living abroad.   I was studying and one of my fellow students was a clinical teacher for a large airline.  She told us that one day she was giving a class on STDs to new cabin crew recruits. They were all very young, from all over the world and very keen to begin their new exciting career.

She began to go through the various STDs with a key focus on lifestyle and prevention.   She first started with chlamydia.  The first power point slide appeared and she was about to go through it when one of the cabin crew put her hand up. She eagerly announced to the teacher and her fellow classmates ‘Yes, yes I had that one ‘.

My friend then went on to try to discuss Trichomoniasis and the same girl put her hand up eagerly and announced to the rest of the class again ‘Yes, yes I had that one as well ‘.

Perhaps she thought that there was a prize for the person that had the most. My friend thanked the girl again for sharing and then said to the rest of the class that there was no need for anybody else to share.  As far as giving clinical STD induction classes go it was one that she would never forget.

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

 

With the impending release of the new Borat movie, I was reminded of a blind date I had a number of years ago. Quite a few years ago.  Whatever was going on in my head on the day I decided to meet my date I can only put down to possibly having been abducted by aliens the night before.  At least that’s my excuse and I am sticking to it.

I met him over the phone on a dateline. He was a concert pianist and had played the piano over the phone to me. As he lived in London and I lived in Bristol he agreed to come down on the train and meet me. I was delighted and was looking forward to the date.

When he asked me where we should meet, I suggested the public swimming pool in Bath as we both shared a mutual love of swimming. This was definitely an unprecedented brain fart decision. Don’t get me wrong.  I had (and continue to have) brain farts, but this was on a whole new level.

I arrived at the pool and was doing some lengths whilst keeping an eye out for my date. At the far end of the pool, I noticed a man was getting in. He was wearing lime green minuscule budgie smugglers. As he swam towards me, he reminded me of Mr. Bean. I had told him that I would be wearing a black and white striped bathing suit. He said ‘hello’ and I recognized his voice. This man was my date.

I asked him how the journey was. He explained that the train journey had been arduous to say the least. His man bag had been stolen.  He had to inform the train ticket man. They both checked everywhere on the train and they eventually found some wayward youth who had stolen the man bag.  He was thrilled and the kid was greeted by the police when the train arrived.

He asked me if I would like to go for a meal and I made a snap decision. I said ‘No’.  God forgive me but I lied. I said that I had an urgent appointment that I needed to attend to for work. That I had only received the call whilst I was changing in the changing room.

Whilst apologizing profusely I bade him farewell.  I could handle the Borat lime green budgie smugglers. and him resembling Mr. Bean.  But he lost me at ‘man bag’. It was something that I really could not get my head around.

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

I was chatting with an old nursing friend yesterday and we were exchanging old nursing stories that we remembered fondly and that made us smile. One of my favorites was when I was a nursing student and an elderly farmer came in for admission.

He was suffering with respiratory symptoms.  I got the requisite sample pot and gave it to him asking for a sputum sample. He went off, came back, and handed it to me. To my surprise he had urinated into it. I got another sample pot and said ‘that’s okay not to worry I just need a sputum sample’. Off he went and when he returned to my amazement, he had pooed into it. I was quite impressed with his dexterity yet perplexed at the confusion.

It was at that very moment I realized that the poor man, like lots of people did not understand the word ‘sputum’ and I mimicked coughing into the container. He went off came back with a big embarrassed smile on his face and handed me the sample pot with the sputum sample in it. It was a salutary lesson in that I never forgot what a different world a hospital can be for most people. How people don’t understand medical terminology and that one of the most important things is to be relatable and understood. I never used the word ‘sputum’ ever again.

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele