Month: January 2021

Apparently, this is a thing now. A toilet seat that will talk back to you and comment on whether you need more fiber or not. WPA (Woeful pun alert)  No shit Sherlock.

Really? Is this what we have come to? Surely if you are sitting on the loo for more than 20 minutes you may well have worked out that you may be a tad constipated?

When I was on contract in Kazakhstan, I stayed in a beautiful apartment for 3 months. The toilet was asstounding.  Sorry, astounding. It had all the bells and whistles, and then some.  I don’t actually literally mean bells and whistles.

Imagine, you drop one and the next minute you hear the clanging of a bell and a loud whistle congratulating you for successfully completing a bowel evacuation. It had an in built drier, air freshener, and a heated seat.  It wasn’t exactly like the one in the video, but it was not far off it.

 

https://youtu.be/7wd4yeiOlbQ

 

If there are talking toilet seats, what is next?   A toilet with a built in colonoscope with an app on your phone to access it?   A toilet that doubles up as a weighing scales?   Asking you if you really needed those curries chips and burger last night?  The possibilities and applications are endless.

 

That’s all for now

Stay fab

Adele

 

I am a bit obsessed with dogs.  My many posts detailing my adventures with Buzz and Finn may have given it away.  I still watch dog videos, read dog books and accost fellow dog walkers to ask about their gorgeous pooches.   I even write godawful pun poems about them.   See end of blog.

Buzz has always loved hiding underneath the quilt on my bed. I recently introduced Finn to the ‘Quilt Club’.  He has now become somewhat of a quilt fiend as he frantically noses around looking for where he can climb beneath the quilt.  He resembles a very cute hog snuffling for truffles.

He disappears for the next 10 minutes or so and then does a SAS like escape to get some air. I have tried keeping some of the quilt open around his little nose.  But he has none of it.  I suppose what he really needs is a dog quilt snorkel.  I will see what I can do and get back to you with an update.

 

 

Paws for thought

Paws fur exercising

Paws fur love

Paws fur kisses

Paws fur cuddling

Paws befur eating

Paws befur sleeping

Life is woof

But anything is pawsible with pet love.

 

From

 

Your pet

 

That’s all for now

Stay fab

Adele

 

 

 

 

 

Today I was considering my co-dependency with Buzz and Finn. Sometimes I leave them in the car (with the windows open) for 20 minutes whilst I am in the shops. They bark relentlessly in defiance for me having the temerity to leave them. Even if it is just for 20 minutes. I realize that it is my fault and that they are spoilt. And do I feel guilty? Not a jot.

I can imagine that this is the case for many dog owners. Particularly as our pets have become accustomed to us being at home for more time than is normal. They are my therapy as they somehow instinctively know when I am down and need a little pick me up. This can be in the form of licking or just bounding up to sit on my lap.

On occasion I have heard people refer to them as natural anti-depressants. And as Rick Gervais has famously said’ We don’t deserve them’. I need to remind myself that when they bark at strangers walking past my apartment that they are in fact dogs. And that this is what they are supposed to do.

I recall telling Buzz off when somebody walked past my bedroom window yesterday and he began barking. After the telling off he sat on the bed gazing at me. I couldn’t help but think that if he could talk, he may well have said what I mentioned earlier ‘I am a dog. What the feck else am I supposed to do?’

 

That’s all for now

Stay fab

Adele

Today was Martin Luther King Junior’s birthday.  He was the chief spokesman for nonviolent activism in the civil rights movement. As well as being a Nobel Peace Prize laureate.

I reminded myself of his magnificence by watching his famous ‘I have a dream’ speech. On August 28^th in 1963 during the March on Washington he called for civil and economic rights and an end to racism in the United States.

Last year’s George Floyd ‘Black Lives Matter’ campaign in America reminds us that the struggle still exists.

My favorite line from his speech is ‘to be judged on the content of your character and not on the color of your skin’.

YouTube Video I Have a Dream speech by Martin Luther King. Jr HD (subtitled)

 

https://youtu.be/vP4iY1TtS3s

 

King was assassinated in 1968 and in 1983 President Ronald Reagan signed the holiday into Law where it was observed three years later.

We have come a long way in our attitude to racism in Ireland.  It is humbling to consider how our diaspora are welcomed all around the world and how it is important that we give this back to newcomers who choose Ireland as their home.

That’s all for now

Stay fab

Adele

 

 

 

 

 

As I was performing a google search today, I was reminded of the comedy of Alan Partridge. The character was created in 1991 for BBC Radio 4 by Steve Coogan and Armando Iannucci.

The show was a broadcasting spoof of English current affairs. Later, in 1992 Coogan and Iannucci hosted a spoof chat show spin off for Radio 4 ‘Knowing me, knowing you with Alan Partridge’. This beauty contest is particularly chuckle worthy.

 

Here is a selection of my favorite possible Alan Partridge TV programme ideas

https://youtu.be/X06g7_LHiGo

1. Hosteling with Chris Eubank
2. Arm wrestling with Chas and Dave
3. Changing lady shapes
4. Cooking in prison
5. A partridge amongst the pigeons
6. Monkey tennis

I would like to posit the following Television series ideas for your reviews and comments

1.   Inspector dog poop – A park warden doubles up as a dog poop sleuth tracking down the dogs and their owners that failed to pick up their dog’s poop.

 

2.  Chewing the cud and milking with cows – Watching cows eat grass and then enjoy a documentary examining the complexities of the milking industry.

3.  Not being serious with Siri – Chatting with SIRI whilst saying inappropriate things including espionage type parlance. Just to mess with its algorithms.

4.  Celebrities go shopping – Following celebrities whilst they go shopping to see what they buy.  Then asking them to shop in ALDI for a month to see their reaction.

 

Let me know what you think?

That’s all for now

Stay fab

Adele

 

In April this year Father Ted will be 25 years old. The show was a defining moment in Ireland’s history in defining our attitude towards the Catholic Church.  It was a perfect religious satire. Exactly what we all needed desperately at the time.

To this day most Irish people can quote scenes from the series, including myself.   In 2019, Father Ted was ranked 2^nd to Fawlty Towers in a list of the greatest British sitcoms compiled by a panel of comedy experts for the Radio Times.

It was written by Graham Linehan and Arthur Mathews, both Irish, and appeared on Channel 4 for three series.   It was produced by Hat Trick productions, a British production company.  I particularly enjoy the following scene as it demonstrates my feelings towards our first Covid lockdown in March last year.

 

https://youtu.be/1NjISA-FIIA

 

The fact that it features one of my favorite comedians and one of my all-time favorite (most depressing) Radiohead songs is just an added bonus. ‘Exit music for a film’ (The end theme music – hence the name- for Baz Luhrmann’s ‘Romeo and Juliet’) is a masterpiece.

This time last year I was not that worried about the virus but after a few more weeks I began to feel like Father Kevin.   Here’s hoping that over the coming months our spirits can be elevated with the onset of the vaccine.

 

Stay well and safe

Adele

WARNING- NFA- Not funny alert

I was listening to ‘When the music’s over’ by ‘The Doors’ today.  It is a newly uploaded video from the Hollywood bowl that is 52 years old. The National Independent Venue Association in the States uploaded the video to raise funds for artists struggling during the pandemic.

If you had never heard of ‘The Doors’ you could easily believe that the concert was filmed a few years ago. They were way ahead of their time.   But that’s me, I am bias.

It is such a cool name for a band also. I don’t think that ‘The Patio’ or ‘The Kitchen’ would have had the same ring to it.  I couldn’t help but believe it must have been written for Trump.  The italics are my take on the lyrics.

https://youtu.be/CKw9JA66H-A

 

When the Music’s over

 

When the music’s over
When the music’s over, yeah
When the music’s over
Turn out the lights
Turn out the lights
Turn out the lights
Yeah

Cancel my subscription to the resurrection (Insurrection).

Send my credentials to the house of detention

I got some ( no) friends inside

The face in the mirror won’t stop ( his ego)

The girl in the window won’t drop ( Kamala Harris)

A feast of friends, alive she cried

Waitin’ for me

Outside

Before I sink

Into the big sleep

I want to hear

I want to hear

The scream of the butterfly (My presidency bye bye)

Come back, baby, back into my arms…

 

Oh, and I love when he belches.  But that’s just me being uncouth.

That’s all for now

Stay fab

Adele

 

 

The following may offend. Or make you smile…. I do have a propensity for stories that are bawdy and ribald. I can’t help it. It’s an affliction.

A Danish cartoon for children about a man with a large penis has hit the world headlines for being insensitive. No shit Sherlock. Imagine Mr Bean and Superman morphed together with a giant penis that would get him into all sorts of scrapes.

However, the Danish cartoon character also performs rescue operations and overcomes adversity. It is aimed at four-to-eight-year Olds. The animators defend the show from criticism by emphasizing the fact that it is made for children and therefore cannot be contextualized through the eyes of adults.

Personally, I do not agree with this as I think sex education is hard enough to teach to young children without creating a cartoon character with a mammoth penis.

It did however remind me of one of my favorite characters in ‘VIZ magazine’- ‘Buster Gonad and his unfeasibly large testicles’.

The character Buster has been around a long time as he was created in the 90’s. The story goes that he was hit by cosmic rays which grew his testicles to such a size that he had to carry them around in a wheelbarrow.  This got him into all sorts of bother and embarrassing situations. However, the difference being that this comic and character is aimed at an adult audience and not at children.

The Guardian did reference a comment where there could just as easily been a character designed with a large vagina….    But I think we all know that the connotations for having a large one of these are entirely different to having a large penis. I seem to be on a bit of a roll here with my themes over the last couple of days.  Perhaps tomorrow I will be less distasteful. Although I can’t promise anything.

 

That’s all for now

Stay fab

Adele

 

 

Velvet Strand aka Portmarnock Beach and the sea were beautiful yesterday. As always, it never fails to lift my spirits. People were in swimming, and shrieking with joy as they were doing so. It helps to stave off the cold as screeching loudly takes the attention away from freezing limbs.

Lambay Island is close by, and Howth, flanked by Ireland’s Eye is off in the not too far distance to complete the magnificent view.

Buzz and Finn were up to their usual antics. Finn running around like his ass was on fire and currying affectionate favors with every willing stranger.      Giving me bad press as it may appear he doesn’t get enough attention at home, when he is in fact a cuddle monster. Buzz was forever checking on my whereabouts and was never too far away. My furry security guard.

A seagull took a liking to me and was walking by my side for around 50 yards.    It was so cute and random. I could only imagine that an onlooker might think that it resembled me taking the sea gull for a walk. Or perhaps the other way around.

I was thinking the other day as I gazed at a pigeon that if class system did exist amongst birds that maybe the seagulls would be the royal navy and the pigeons would be the marines. I must give up this thinking lark during this lock down as it’s not doing me any favors.

 

That’s all for now

Stay fab

Adele

 

 

https://www.express.co.uk/life-style/life/594909/Baby-feet-legs-nap-penis

‘There’s really nothing quite so sweet as tiny little baby feet’.

The attached photo makes me smile. Anything smutty does. It is quite shocking at first, until you realize that it is a mother cradling a baby with the baby’s feet representing a rather questionable optical illusion.  It was quite the viral sensation back in 2015.   The poor mother must have been mortified when it was published. Although at least her identity is (almost) protected.

My most favorite viral sensation of 2020 was ‘Mabel and Olive’ by Andrew Cotter. Particularly ‘Game of Bones’ which was watched by over 2 million people, including many famous Hollywood celebrities. Such as Ryan Reynolds and Mark Hamill. The Times featured it on their front page.

https://youtu.be/f2BZNowCXws

I am not surprised as his dubbing is genius and his voice is like velvet. So much so, that he wrote a book which I received as a lovely gift for Christmas. It’s fascinating reading about the trajectory of a successful viral star. All his previous freelance sports commentary paled into insignificance as he voiced over the antics of his two beautiful dogs.

It is a sign of the times that with lock down comes increased creativity to stave off the frustration of having limited freedom. The number of hilarious memes that has been circulating since March 2020 has always given me reason to giggle, chuckle and on occasion, chortle.

 

That’s all for now

Stay fab

Adele