Category: Uncategorized

What do you call a dirty Fairy?

Stinkerbell.

I am a Fairy.  My name is Nuff.  Fairy Nuff (Fair enough) Is one of my favorite Irish (lesser well known) expressions.  I have mentioned it in a previous blog.

http://adeleleahy.ie/im-a-fairy-my-name-is-nuff-fairy-nuff/

It was so lovely today to see some of the school kids dressed as Fairies as they came home from school for World Fairy Day.  One of my neighbors has a lovely little Fairy Garden which attracts a lot of attention.

They seem to be all the rage now.  From parks having ‘Fairy Spaces’ to houses devoting their front gardens to the little pixies.  And of course, ‘Fairy Liquid’ which is not actually anything whatsoever to do with fairies unless it is made from their souls once they die. Which I sincerely doubt.  I might consider emailing Proctor & Gamble to clarify this fact.

Although I did tell two of my nieces when they were much younger that ‘Coca Cola’ was made from Koala bears and that they had to change the names to ‘Coca Cola’ as no one would buy it if it was ‘Coca Koala’. They believed it for a while. And then they grew up.

I have arranged shells outside my front door in a meandering curve fashion.  Following the line of the rim of the external garden. My neighbor has a gorgeous little 4-year-old girl whom I have asked to watch out for the Fairies.  I told her that I think the Fairies from my neighbor around the corner have re arranged the shells. She is happy to be on Fairy watch for now. I will however refrain from telling her that Fairy Liquid is made from the souls of the fairies.

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

Buzz and Finn are quite playful little pooches. Their nature allows them to get petted and cuddles wherever they go as they are always wagging their tails at strangers. I have mentioned in another blog how Buzz and his barking had been an issue and how I was glad to announce that his barking had diminished greatly.

However, it appears that his barking indoors has diminished and that his barking on occasions outdoors has increased.  I can only imagine that perhaps he has decided on a daily quotient of barking and that if he can’t reach it indoors, he will do so outdoors.  Anyhoo I am still working on it.

A few weeks ago, I was walking them on Malahide beach and a little girl was building a beautiful sandcastle. Finn (in his unfathomable canine wisdom) decided to go up and piss on this little girl’s castle. I was mortified and apologized profusely.   There was nothing that I could do.   Her poor little face. I will never forget it.

Last week I was walking with a friend along Velvet Strand in Portmarnock and we walked past a group of 30 or so people doing a yoga class on the beach. Their Zen was infectious.

Buzz and Finn were playing in and out of the sea. The yoga instructor had a small sandwich board on the sand with the name of her class and her Facebook details.

Before I could do anything, Finn went over to it and pissed on it. Buzz then followed his lead. More mortification. Thank God everyone in the class was laughing.

I offered to take it into the sea and wash it off but the instructor said it was fine. Like Buzz and Finn, I had my tail between my legs as I walked away.

 

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

I had the privilege of working with the elderly for some time and met some great characters. There is one in particular that I will always remember fondly.

For confidentiality purposes I will call him ‘Paddy’.  As he used to be a postman, he loved walking up and down the corridor in between mealtimes and greeting everyone that walked past.  From nurses, to carers, facilities staff, and catering to the visitors and facilities staff.

The priest came in to say Mass every Sunday and Paddy always referred to him as Father Ted much to the priests’ delight as they always had a giggle.  Paddy had dementia and the sweetest of natures to go with it.   The night staff would prepare letters with old stamps for him the next day so that he would have a postal round to attend to within the wards.

One day we were in the Day Room after the musician had been singing for a few hours and getting everyone dancing.  He had asked a few ladies to dance but had been politely declined. Two of the carers danced with him.

When the dance was over, he came over to me. I am quite tall, about 5ft 9 inches and Paddy was about 5ft 5 inches.  He was chest height when he came up to me.   On this occasion he decided to put his face between my boobs and motor boat me. I was in shock and took a fit of the giggles.   As did the rest of the staff.  It was one of those moments that you can never quite be prepared for.

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

Summer Solstice 2021

May you have a very Happy one.

Come what may.

May the stars align and make your dreams come true.

May you be filled full of joy and never blue.

May your heart be pure and your spirit golden.

May your soul flourish and become emboldened.

May your troubles dissipate. May you be free of worry.

May you cherish each moment and not be in a hurry.

May you sing your song and dance your dance.

May your laughter fill a room as you twinkle and you glance.

May your arms embrace another with kindness, love and caring.

May your days be filled with peace, joy and daring.

 

 

What a day. I always love the Summer and Winter Solstice. There is something so magical about new beginnings. I enjoy imagining our ancestors rejoicing at this special time of year thousands of years ago when only the sun and the moon guided their days.

Myself and two friends did a sunrise swim for Simon Community this morning- the homeless in Dublin. Their tagline is ‘On the longest day of the year, help the homeless. Because for them every day is the longest day of the year’. So true and poignant #simoncommunity.

Their plight is seriously underrepresented as we focus on the pandemic and continue to consider how the world will reset itself. Hopefully for the better.

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

My friends that I have the pleasure of swimming with were telling me of a man that we often see down at Low Rock where we swim.    He is not particularly bashful when dressing or undressing pre- and post-swimming.

However, they told me that they had seen much more than they had bargained for the previous day.     Apparently, he took the term ‘Low Rock’ literally as they said that his were hanging very low above the rocks for all to see and admire.

He is not unusual in his manner.   For various reasons many of us have on occasion most likely had our bits out for show whilst dressing.  This inspired me to think of a ‘Low Rock Calendar’.

Think ‘The Calendar Girls (and Boys)’ but without any grace or dignity whatsoever.  It could also be called the nipple, rock and camel toe calendar.

This could perhaps be the most alternative calendar out there.  Who needs nice pictures of folk posing to highlight their best side when our calendar could have the following

January– Female Camel Toe Month-perfectly illustrated above by Ms.Minaj

February– Low Rock Month- as in the man mentioned above.

March– Nipples out Month

April– Wedgie Month

May– Budgie smuggler Month

June– No waxing lady garden Month

July – Mankini Month. Praise Sacha Baron Cohen and ‘Borat’ for this magnificent invention.

August- Dodgy tan lines Month

September– Dodgy swimsuit Month. Meghan and Harry/Hairy at their finest.

October– String suit Month

November– Spaniel’s Ears Month (I can model for this one)

December– Male Camel Toe Month

Let me know what you think and which charity may wish to benefit from such an amazing calendar.

 

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

I hear you’re a racist now, Father

https://youtu.be/6zkL91LzCMc

I was reminded of my trip to Achill when I came across this clip-on YouTube the other day. We were driving around the Island looking for the beautiful Silver Strand Beach when I stopped to ask a local lady for directions.  Her looks and manner reminded me of the character in this video.  The lady wearing the wellies.   The fact that we were also on a remote Island was not lost on me either.

She was so friendly and we chatted for a while.   It almost appeared that she may have been working for Achill Tourism as she was keen to ensure that we were aware of all of the scenic spots on the Island.

The weather was woeful and we were anxious to find the beach before the weather got any worse.  But she kept on chatting and advising us where to go for groceries and take away food.  When we drove away, we were still wonderfully amazed and surprised by her friendliness.

On the subject of racism Little Britain’s ‘Marjorie’ has to be one of the most offensive and openly prejudiced and racist characters out there.

Little Britain Mira/Moira Compilation

https://youtu.be/YpiAhxaE_oI

I am pretty sure that this sketch would not be allowed today but it does not detract from the fact that it is hilarious.  It also parodies a racist which is refreshing in and of itself.  Who wants to be one of them?

Here is Dave Chapelle in all his magnificence discussing racism.

 

 

 

 

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

There were 13 in our group. Which meant that after 13 shots and a few more drinkees in between we were all fairly paraletic.    At one point we were all trying to dance the flamenco which got us thrown out of one of the bars.   I don’t think that they appreciated our piss poor and inebriated effort.

Another smutty one was ‘Roses are red, violets are fine, you be the 6 and I ‘ll be the 9’. Which was also a hit with the guy it was delivered to. No surprise there.

One of the girls in our group was a frequent one-night stander as she did not want to be in a relationship. After a few drinks she told me that she had ‘more cocks than a fairground rifle’. Which made me howl laughing.

Her line was ‘Come on you’ll do’ which she loved.  She had a successful one-night stand but told us that she really liked him and wanted to keep in touch with him after the holiday.

She also told us that her suitor broke his collar bone by slipping on the contents of his condom during the night that he had not knotted and failed to throw in the bin.  When he had not called as promised her reply to our concern and empathy was ‘Well there’s no point crying over spilt spunk’ which had us all in stitches again.

Definitely my fav Hen weekend with all the debauchery and giggles to remember.

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

I was chatting to somebody the other day who mentioned that she was attending a Hen Weekend. I was reminded of a trip to Barcelona I went on in the early noughties with a great group of girlies to celebrate an upcoming nuptial.

One of the group brought a really cool pack of ‘pick up lines’ cards. We sifted through them and picked out the ones that resonated with us all. The new deck was shuffled and each Hen picked a card.

The forfeit was that if you failed to complete the chat up line with a guy from our Porto Olympic bar crawl in Barcelona you would have to do a shot of the groups choosing.

All was going well and we each appeared to have chosen a card that suited each of our personalities. Mine was ‘Is this seat taken?’ which was to be said as I touched a guy’s arse.    I dutifully delivered my line to a very cute Spaniard who ran a mile as though he had been sexually assaulted.   Which looking back was most probably the case.

Here are some of my faves.

‘One-ton polar bear?’

‘Well, that broke the ice’. Well, at least it was clean and kinda cute.

One of the girls had to check the label on a guy’s shirt and ask ‘Are you boyfriend material?’ Which in fairness was not one of the worst lines to deliver.

We had to get back to being smutty with ‘I am not into watching sunsets but I would love to see you go down’. The girl who had to use the line ended up with her guy for the night and she attested to his skills the following day.

Everything was going so well as there were no forfeits and we decided that if you successfully delivered the line the entire group would do a shot.     Which seemed like a much better idea at the time.

Part 2 tomorrow

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

Buzz (my dog) loves barking.   But then again, I suppose most dogs do. He is particularly good at it.   As he likes to get as much practice as possible.

The Maltese Terrier mix (Morkie)  are known for being quite feisty.  He is spoilt rotten and can get very anxious at times.  As he is five years old now, I must say that he barks less now than he did a few years ago.    I like to put this down to my dog training skills.     But to be honest it is more likely that he barks less because he just can’t be arsed.

I live in a ground floor apartment and my neighbors above me have voiced their disdain on a few occasions with regards to his barking.   Getting ‘Finn’ my second Morkie added fuel to the fire as they could not comprehend how I would add to the problem instead of fixing it.    In my defense I wanted a playmate for Buzz and felt that another dog might settle his nerves a bit.   And I was kind of right as he has somewhat settled.

Anyhoo my neighbors went on holiday this week. Buzz and Finn have gotten a few extra barks in – just to let it out of their system. I have too. However maybe howling at the moon last night was taking my new found liberty too far……….

All the best

Stay fab

Adele

https://youtu.be/g4AgzQvFNZs

How wonderful is Catherine Tate and the beautiful Daniel Craig in this comedy sketch for BBC Comic Relief?  Whilst swimming yesterday a Daniel Craig lookalike was spotted by me and one of my friends getting into the sea.

His blue swimming trunks accentuated his magnificent six pack and the muscular V beneath which apparently are called ‘sex line’s. Who knew? Certainly not me and I must say that it was quite a pleasurable piece of research.

Our third friend had missed the spectacle and we had her primed for the next sighting.   It was like ‘The lesser spotted Daniel Craig lookalike’.    Or a bit like seeing a unicorn.  You heard that they are mythical – as in you have seen Daniel Craig in the movie but can never imagine that anyone could even remotely resemble him in real life’.  As he was getting into the sea I was humming ‘Skyfall’ beneath my breath and I think that he might have heard me.

When he got out of the sea, he stood in front of us and hesitated for a moment.   I was not sure if he was looking out to sea or if he was talking to his girlfriend.   However, I actually think that he may have heard me humming ‘Skyfall’ and decided to indulge our lascivious nature. He made our day.   The male human form in all its ripped glory.

Ooooh the thought of him. I think I am getting the vapors. Where’s my fan? I feel somewhat light headed.

All the best

Stay fab

Adele