My Blog

With the impending release of the new Borat movie, I was reminded of a blind date I had a number of years ago. Quite a few years ago.  Whatever was going on in my head on the day I decided to meet my date I can only put down to possibly having been abducted by aliens the night before.  At least that’s my excuse and I am sticking to it.

I met him over the phone on a dateline. He was a concert pianist and had played the piano over the phone to me. As he lived in London and I lived in Bristol he agreed to come down on the train and meet me. I was delighted and was looking forward to the date.

When he asked me where we should meet, I suggested the public swimming pool in Bath as we both shared a mutual love of swimming. This was definitely an unprecedented brain fart decision. Don’t get me wrong.  I had (and continue to have) brain farts, but this was on a whole new level.

I arrived at the pool and was doing some lengths whilst keeping an eye out for my date. At the far end of the pool, I noticed a man was getting in. He was wearing lime green minuscule budgie smugglers. As he swam towards me, he reminded me of Mr. Bean. I had told him that I would be wearing a black and white striped bathing suit. He said ‘hello’ and I recognized his voice. This man was my date.

I asked him how the journey was. He explained that the train journey had been arduous to say the least. His man bag had been stolen.  He had to inform the train ticket man. They both checked everywhere on the train and they eventually found some wayward youth who had stolen the man bag.  He was thrilled and the kid was greeted by the police when the train arrived.

He asked me if I would like to go for a meal and I made a snap decision. I said ‘No’.  God forgive me but I lied. I said that I had an urgent appointment that I needed to attend to for work. That I had only received the call whilst I was changing in the changing room.

Whilst apologizing profusely I bade him farewell.  I could handle the Borat lime green budgie smugglers. and him resembling Mr. Bean.  But he lost me at ‘man bag’. It was something that I really could not get my head around.

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

I was chatting with an old nursing friend yesterday and we were exchanging old nursing stories that we remembered fondly and that made us smile. One of my favorites was when I was a nursing student and an elderly farmer came in for admission.

He was suffering with respiratory symptoms.  I got the requisite sample pot and gave it to him asking for a sputum sample. He went off, came back, and handed it to me. To my surprise he had urinated into it. I got another sample pot and said ‘that’s okay not to worry I just need a sputum sample’. Off he went and when he returned to my amazement, he had pooed into it. I was quite impressed with his dexterity yet perplexed at the confusion.

It was at that very moment I realized that the poor man, like lots of people did not understand the word ‘sputum’ and I mimicked coughing into the container. He went off came back with a big embarrassed smile on his face and handed me the sample pot with the sputum sample in it. It was a salutary lesson in that I never forgot what a different world a hospital can be for most people. How people don’t understand medical terminology and that one of the most important things is to be relatable and understood. I never used the word ‘sputum’ ever again.

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

 

 

 

Warning- Giggle free content

The following content must be read with the knowledge that no giggles shall ensue.

Apparently, all time travel machines for sale in your local electrical superstore have been re called. The year 2020 is being removed from the algorithm. No shit Sherlock.   It’s been a helluva a year and the vast majority of us have been white knuckling it. If you have discovered the secret to spiritual enlightenment throughout this period you are on Zenax, if not, you are on Xanax.   One of my personal fav memes is that we can come out of this as a ‘Monk, hunk, chunk or drunk’.   As it is a sexist statement, I would like to amend it to ‘Nun, hun, a ton or undone’.It’s not funny and I am not being glib. But it is polarizing and all that we knew and know is requiring re consideration. I have always been a conspiracy theory fan but in this instance, I subscribe to the belief that we are experiencing a global pandemic. It’s easy to say ‘let kindness prevail’ but sometimes just being there for myself is about all I can muster. I count my blessings every day but I have shitty days too and I am allowing myself to have these also.

That’s all for now.

Mind yourself and be safe

Adele

 

 

Last night I was watching one of my favorite comedians ‘Kevin Bridges’ on TV.  He is so talented and began touring at such a young age. So naturally enough, when I woke this morning, I decided to be Scottish for the day. After making my tea and giving a treat to Buzz and Finn I announced ‘Ach aye the noo’.  I had tested my accent with them before and was curious to see if their original response would be repeated. They went crazy. Their tails were wagging so much that they almost created a wind vortex in the kitchen.

I adopt a different accent every now and then just to mix it up for the day and keep myself amused. I am not sure that I have the gumption to announce my new nationality to my neighbors when I am out walking the dogs as I have a sneaking suspicion that they may think that I am a bit crazy. I am. Not even a bit crazy. But a lot crazy.

Concealing the crazy takes a huge amount of effort.  Every now and then I have the confidence to embrace it and when I do it is so liberating. But for the rest of the day, I will maybe just ‘Keep the heid’- as they say in Scotland.  Although I plan on watching ‘Gladiator’ tonight and there is a distinct possibility that tomorrow I may decide to be an ancient roman. Carpe Diem.

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

 

I’m a fairy, my name is Nuff. Fairy Nuff (fair enough) is one of my favorite sayings. It’s up there with ‘grand’ in the Irish language. All over the world people believe that the Irish say things like ‘top o’ the mornin’ to you’ and ‘soft day thank god’ when in fact we never do. Those sayings appeared in the movie ‘A Quiet Man’ which is 68 years old. Perhaps we do say ‘Top ‘o the morning to you’ or ‘Soft day thank God’ on occasion in an ironic fashion, at least I do, to take the mickey out of ourselves, which we are very good at doing.

‘Grand’ and ‘I am a fairy, me name is Nuff, Fairy Nuff’ are perfect responses at all times. They perfectly express a neutral state. They say ‘I am not too good and I am not too bad’.   I believe that in being Irish we are the masters of the understatement, it is part of our disarming charm. We give out bangers about our government and how they are ruining the country throughout their management of Covid but if anyone else outside of Ireland says the same, we will defend our country and its lack luster government to the end.   It’s a bit like regular dysfunctional families where slagging one another off is ‘grand’ but if anyone outside of the family tries to do it woe betide to them.

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

What a beautiful day it was today.  I had one of those carefree days when everything that could have been right was right with the world despite the current lockdown. So much so that when I brought Buzz and Finn for a walk this morning, I decided to let them off their leads as the park was empty.

It is always a very considered decision as I know I am playing poo roulette with myself as the possibility of Finn requiring a bath after some messy play is dreaded and real.  Finn has a penchant for rolling in it and also eating it.  If he finds particular leavings of another dog to be decidedly odorous and piquant this merits him rolling in it frenetically for least 5 minutes. I have watched him do the sniff, drop and roll on one leavings for at least 20 times.  It is a veritable poo frenzy for him.

I lost the poo roulette game.  Back at home I geared up to bathe Finn as the smell had my eyes watering and it felt like some of my nasal cilia had been singed. Even Buzz is dodging him and he is not averse to joyously sniffing the stuff although thankfully he does draw the line at eating and rolling in it.

Finn is unsurprisingly reluctant to enter the bathroom and pulls at the lead.

I say to him ‘You can’t have your poo and eat it too’. When I smiled realizing he did and he has.

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

 

I have become obsessed with Alice in Wonderland again.  Perhaps because every day I hear the expression ‘going down the rabbit hole ‘to describe the act of getting lost within a google search or doing a deep dive into a research topic.  On my birthday this year I bought myself an ‘I believe in six impossible things before breakfast’ large fridge magnet which I look at every morning to ignite my imagination. I love it. But it doesn’t always work.

The following are today’s meagre and flawed attempts at six impossible things before breakfast.

 

1.  Get up at 5am- Yes. Impossible.  Didn’t do it.
2. Get Finn and Buzz to not become apoplectic when the postman arrives- Yes. Impossible.  Didn’t do it.
3. Do my blog for the day by 7 am – just like getting up at 5am.  Impossible.  Didn’t do it.
4. Style my hair so that I don’t look like Javier Barden from ‘No Country for Old Men’ – Impossible. Woeful attempt.  Back up in a hair band.
5. Have a wheatgrass shot instead of adding into porridge- Yes. Impossible. Gagged.
6. Have an imaginative daydream – There is a place called Dellyland,  just left pass the tree and over the bridge from Wonderland where nothing is as it seems and a world of whimsy prevails.  Buzzwocky and Jabberfinn roam freely offering joyful interactions to anyone of a melancholy nature. – Yes. Possible. I did it.

One of these fine days I shall believe and conceive six impossible things before breakfast. It is a work in progress. A bit like my blog. Thank you for sharing your time with me.

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

Hardly a day goes by when I do not indulge myself in my finely honed skill of day dreaming for a brief few moments. It is a much maligned and seriously underrated skill. Occasionally a mental triathlon ensues. This is the point where my daydreaming encompasses imagination, delusions and fantasy (although I draw the line at hallucinations).

I was having one of my daydreams whilst walking Buzz and Finn. Finn was having a poo and was squatting over my neighbor’s garden plant. He was practically giving himself a plant enema. Bolted out of my daydream I watched wistfully hoping he would finish soon as I would need to begin the clean-up.    He has done this before when I am not being as mindful as I should be.   As he was born on a farm, he is drawn to greenery for his ablutions whereas Buzz is more a middle of the path pooch.  Back to my daydreaming.

Tosh, I hear the cynics amongst you say. Surely this is just an excuse for the lazy, lesser focused individuals to take time out? Not at all. On the contrary, daydreaming allows the mind to meander to a world where stress, Covid and timelines cease to exist, rendering a person more productive upon return to daily activities.

How can thoughts such as ‘Where do park rangers go to get away from it all?’ (Sadly, nowhere now, like the rest of us, but we will get through this.’) Or the leopards? Let’s not forget them. How do they frame their response when a member of their leap refuses to change (leopards, spots?) ….be deemed a waste of one’s time?

And furthermore where did the word ‘sandwich’ originate and not ‘bread wedge?’ Why can I not be just ‘whelmed’ as opposed to being over it? Where does assertion end and aggression begin?  (Maybe when you get too much sand in your bread wedge)

Anyhoo, I ‘m off to have a much-earned luxurious daydream.

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

 

Happy Monday to you.

I am a big ‘Law of attraction’ fan. I like the idea of visualizing abundance in order to receive it. However, every time I say the word, I picture a little cake dancing (bun dance). It kinda gets in the way of my visualization technique.

Likewise with the word ‘manifest’. Being a massive obsessive music festival fan, I seem to just picture a festival with only me and lots of gorgeous men.

When good things happen, I ponder on whether I have manifested them. But when bad things happen sometimes, I think the same. Like leaving my favorite black bra down at the beach after a fabulous night time swim last week. I was gutted. I then began to think that maybe my swimming prince will pick it up and ask around to find the person who fits it. It was a nice delusion while it lasted.

Anyway, it reappeared yesterday. My bra. Not my prince. I was sitting in my fold up black director’s chair in a park at a ‘talk about it’ get together for people wanting to meet others and share their experiences throughout lockdown.

There were quite a few people I did not know and it was a really enjoyable nourishing meeting. After the meeting I began to pack away my fold up chair. And lo and behold out pops my bra from the black pocket. I forgot that I had actually been clever enough to put it in there. A young guy picked it up, looked at it and blushed whilst asking me if it was mine. I said it wasn’t and asked if it was his. He blushed again. I have no idea why I did this. Perhaps to offset my own embarrassment. I apologized and said that I was only joking.

He was a lovely young fella, not prince material, and I felt a little bad for embarrassing him. But I least I found my lovely bra. Just awaiting the manfest post lockdown now.

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele