Month: November 2020

Whilst walking Buzz and Finn today I was pondering the meaning of life. Nothing unusual about this as I have a propensity for daydreaming.

Last week I heard of a psychological and spiritual ruse called a ‘lofty question’. This is where you ask yourself a positive question such as ‘Why am I so blessed’? ‘Apparently because of how the question is framed it allows access to the subconscious.

Anyhoo I was practicing this lofty question. Remembering what a lovely sleep I had. Having gratitude for Buzz and Finn, my health, friends and home. To be honest I was on a bit of a roll with the whole gratitude thing. Whilst walking past someone’s patio and I noticed some poo. I thought to myself ‘Oohh they must have a dog?’ I then thought ‘ What if they didn’t?’.  And a whole new set of visuals entered my mind.

I then went off into Planet Dellyland .Population of one. Thinking of what I would say were the owners of the apartment to come out onto the patio. My opening gambit would be something like ’Hey, I see you have a new dog’, and the person would reply ‘Actually, No’. And then I would slink off with extreme embarrassment for having commented on their patio poo to begin with.

Thank God none of this has happened but I eagerly anticipate seeing their new pet sometime soon.

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

Okay, so lots of celebrities are taking part in various programs on television where they compete against each other. They can either bake, do wood craft or now the latest is crafting pottery. Seeing them as they develop their new skills and have a few laughs along the way with the presenters and the judges is always worth watching.

Often, they’re finished pieces can be awe inspiring considering that they were relative amateurs before they took part in the show.  It’s always nice to see someone you like and admire out of their normal environment and facing a new challenge.

  I started to think about other crafts or skills that the celebrities could put their minds to. Fashion up cycling came to mind. Apparently, it’s quite the thing now.

In this picture the lady is actually wearing a pair of customized Y fronts which she has transformed into a bra vest top. Perhaps she has invented the new ‘Y’ bra.

This picture details a pair of stilettos where the heels that were broken are replaced with toy dinosaurs. The opportunities for design seem to be endless. I hope the wearer doesn’t have dino- sore feet (forgive my dreadful pun affliction).

If this idea wasn’t a goer maybe celebrity Christmas card making might work. Or perhaps another inspiring craft I believe is arm knitting where the person uses their arms as knitting needles. The opportunities are endless and I look forward to more laughs and giggles with my fav celebs.

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

I asked Google a question today which it was unable to answer.  My screen then froze for about 5 minutes.  I thought that it was miffed.  Then I realized with a degree of embarrassment that it is only a search engine and not a form of artificial intelligence. I was intrigued and decided to think up a few more conundrums to outwit it.

 

1. Do unicorns google? – No answer
2. What is the density of a shadow- No answer
3. Does Trump have a soul- no answer, but much debate. I also asked if he is an Alien and apparently a book has been written about this. Who knew? Finally (I was on a roll, and I know he is old and fake news) I asked does Donald Trump’s hair have his own twitter account.  And yes, it had.
4. Did Santa contract Covid to have a year off? – No answer
5. Does Enya head bang to Metallica? –No answer
6. Did the tooth fairy get chlamydia when I was 7 and that is why I got no money for my tooth? (At the time I was told that Chlamydia was an allergy to fish- clams, etc.) – No answer.
7. Does a smurf artist have a ‘blue period’ when it can no longer paint?

All in all, I can safely say that it was an extremely pointless yet enlightening exercise.  I am none the wiser for trying to cyber interview a search engine.  But as a public service act at least it has now been done and I can save someone else the bother.

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

 

 

 

I may well be on a roll here with the top tips this week. A certain well known Doctor famous for popping pimples the size of Mount Vesuvius has provided me with an enlightened moment today.  As I flicked through channels earlier, I happened upon her show.  I watched with a mixture of unease and aversion.  

Some of the patients had really suffered both mentally and physically as these were no ordinary pimples. Many were hugely disfiguring. I had just finished my dinner. Once she had completed the act of popping what can only be described as a pimple the size of the hunchback of Notre Dame’s hunch, I felt rather queasy.  Actually, I was almost on the verge of retching.

And here is the clincher.  The battle of the bulge is an ongoing battle for me.  I have tried and continue to try a myriad of diets, from the cabbage, to the keto and everything in between. The cabbage diet left my apartment smelling like a silage farm. I am sure that I saw both my dog’s eyes watering.

I remain stalwart in my efforts to lose weight.   Once the extreme nausea subsided, I thought to myself that if I taped the series and watched it before my dinner every evening, I would lose my appetite.  One of the patients had removed what can only be described as double chicken fillets.  I have now gone off chicken for life.

So, here goes the pimple popping diet. I will let you know how I get on.

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

 

I decided to partake in some extreme lumber jacking today to stave off the November cold.  Once I donned my high viz jacket Buzz and Finn went apoplectic.  They really are not fans of anything high viz.  When I am feeling feckless and see people wearing high viz clothing, I think ‘Look at them, just wanting to be noticed, huh ‘. Then I smile wryly to myself at the silly notion.  The tree was quite a challenge and I rose to it initially but then realized that as I wasn’t a tree surgeon perhaps it would be best left to the experts.

I was reminded of the Monty Python Lumberjack song with Michael Palin. (See the link below)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FshU58nI0Ts&feature=share

It’s almost as though The Pythons invented silly (at least for me they did), all those years ago.  Many appear to be reveling in being silly during lock down as some of the memes are hilarious.

 

 

This helium dog picture cracked me up. I hope he is Ok and that he managed to fart and burp out the helium…….

 

 

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

 

 

Today has been a bit of a weird one. As was yesterday.  But that’s another story.  I had booked a webinar a few weeks ago on how to improve your memory and forgot about it. The irony is obvious but getting it doesn’t really help my memory.  I needed to head out to the shops to get some things and as usual I put You tube doggie relaxing music on the TV.

Normally my last video played comes up as saved but today it didn’t.  A ‘Doggy relaxing reggae’ video came up.  For some bizarre reason I instantly became indignant.  I am a bit of an obsessive music and music festival fan (I have been to Glastonbury 8 times since 2002 and intend to keep going till I am 75. At least that’s the pledge I made to myself in front of the Pyramid stage in 2004). Not being a fan of Reggae I instantly thought ‘my 2 pooches aren’t listening to that’.  I realized as I was thinking it how mental it was but still could not help myself.

Once back from the shops I brought Buzz and Finn for their walk.  When I got home, I checked my steps on my watch and realized that I had forgotten my watch.  I was raging as I was sure that I had hit the requisite 10,000 steps. My weekly step average would be way down as I had forgotten over the weekend also. I found my watch and put it on. Shepherd’s pie was what I had planned for dinner and as I was grating the veg my steps were going up.  I ended up grating a couple of carrots down to mini batons but I hit the seven thousand steps. I was very grateful. (euuggghhhh, that’s even bad for me- pun therapy continues).

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

 

Today I shall carry on from yesterday’s theme with the Chinese Bond villain called Muff Munch as my memory has been piqued. Excuse me whilst I wax (Muff?) lyrical (Yes pun therapy continues and is largely unsuccessful).

In my early 20’s I worked in Riyadh Saudi Arabia for a few years. We had quite a colorful social life whilst we worked there. I had just finished my first PADI scuba diving course and was looking forward to attending a friends birthday celebration. We were all getting together at the British aerospace compound.

I was chatting to one of the guys about my diving course and he told me that he worked as a muff diver. Everybody around me started chuckling. Which should have warned me for what was to come.

I had no idea what he meant as I had never heard the phrase before. Full of confidence I asked him what a muff diver was? He told me that a muff diver was a ‘Marine underwater firefighter’.

I knew he was having me on as putting fires out under water made no sense to me. I questioned him further. He further elucidated that he had worked on an oil rig where welding the frame of the rig underwater would sometimes cause fires. This seemed feasible enough to me.

I didn’t question him any further but there was still lots of sniggering going on around me. I took one of the other guys to one side and asked him what everybody thought was so funny. He gave me the true explanation of muff diving and I was mortified.

A few months later we were at the Dubai Sevens Rugby tournament. Many revelers wore different types of crazy fancy dress costumes. Some Welsh chaps dressed up as sheep. They were covered in hundreds of cotton wool balls and made sheep noises as they queued up at the bar. One of the rugby fans was dressed in full skin suit and written across his forehead was Muff Diver. I had to get a photo taken with him and told him my story of my embarrassment. To this day I have never forgotten the moment I had the royal piss taken out of me.

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

(Warning the following may offend or make you giggle)

It’s so sad to have lost the great Sir Sean Connery. The one and only James Bond. With his devilishly handsome looks, a raised eye brow and come-hither look. He epitomized the swarthy sexy hero. And just in case that wasn’t enough he had the ever so sexy Scottish accent to boot.

Both men and women around the world swooned whenever he played their favorite character.  The bond girl names however were often questionable. I mean Pussy Galore? Really?  Why did they not have a Greek villain by the name of Phallus Generous?  At least the silly names could be divided across the genders. Holly Goodhead from Moonraker. Why not have a Chinese villain by the name of Muff Munch.  Or finally Chew Mee in The Man with the Golden Gun could have had an Irish villain by the name of Nosh O’ Tool. Just sayin.

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

 

A few years ago, I was on a committee where we had finished our annual conference.  We were all gathered in the evening for dinner and were having pre dinner drinks. There were many professors in our presence and somebody began to discuss porn star names.  Most of us had heard of this game and a few had not. The game was explained to those who were unaware in that your porn star name is your first pets name and your mother’s maiden name.  There were 18 of us gathered around a huge table in the corner of the hotel bar.

When it came around to me, I had thought about telling the truth and then I thought again.  The minx in me took over.  Silence fell as everyone was waiting for me to reveal my name.  I took a deep breath and announced, ‘Licky Licky long time’.

There was a moment’s delayed reaction until everyone realized what I had said, and then howls of laughter.  I started laughing also as I could not keep a straight face anymore.  One of the Professors at the end of the room said ‘Really, is that really your porn star name’ and I explained that it wasn’t. My first pet was a beautiful grey poodle called ‘Pepi’ and my mother’s maiden name is ‘Leahy’, therefore ‘Pepi Leahy’ would be my real porn star name.

I’ve realized since that ‘Licky Licky long time’ is actually quite a good name and perhaps if I do ever decide to enter the industry or open an Only Fans page that this might stand to me. Then again, perhaps not.

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

   

Happy November 01^st.  We made it.  Just about.  Pats on the back must be commandeered all round.  I had a fabulous sea swim today with two amazing women. There were quite a few people taking the plunge.  I am so proud of myself as I have never swum in the sea in the winter and whilst it wasn’t exactly balmy it wasn’t exactly Baltic either.  The camaraderie is always priceless too as we all secretly pat ourselves on the back for being a combination of brave and a bit crazy.  But like I always say it’s the crazy bits that are always the most enjoyable.  Who enjoys convention all of the time?

Walking Buzz and Finn this morning became quite interesting.  I bumped into a neighbor. We were commenting on the noticeable proliferation of dog poo on our regular walks. Nothing odd about this.  Shit happens.  But my neighbor began to describe the dog poo in forensic detail. Apparently, the dog must have been eating Weetabix as this was what he deemed the consistency to be.  I nodded knowingly but it wasn’t until I walked away that I began to think about it.  And as I was thinking about it, I walked into a sample of the Weetabix evidence.  Suffice to say that Weetabix is no longer a breakfast choice for me.

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele