My Blog

I wrote this 8 years ago for the Dubai Irish Society annual when I was their chairperson.   At the time it was referencing the end of the recession that we were all experiencing. However, it seems to be just as relevant now.

Oh, and just so that I can manage your expectations.   My twitter bio says that I am a woeful poet and I try to maintain that standard at all times.

 

Covid Christmas 2020

 

Our country is kneeling at the altar

It’s promising to comply, to never again falter

The craic and the laughter seem to fade away

But the spirit of our country is only fleetingly held at bay

Our history and our courage will always stand us in good stead

Our love for our country is in our hearts and in our head

We have been through much worse with our heads held high

The love for my country brings a tear to my eye

The diaspora champion our country with their might charm and cheer

Reminding everybody why the Irish are held so dear

This challenge will not define us but will only increase our might

The spirit of our country is our burning brightest light

By

Adele Leahy

 

 

Covid Christmas, We got this

 

 

So, shall dis dancing (social distancing) be ok?

Or shall I move further away?

I want to gel with folks

Not buy hand gel and fear I croke

Must I buy a meal with my pint?

Can I not just drink and be ‘ag caint?’

Sesame Street’s’ Grover’ explains ‘near, far ‘

But I just want to drive forever in my car.

I am desperate for a hug

And a snog in a snug

We are good at our compliance

But I need some feckin romance

We’ll get through this but we have lost so many

We’ll light a candle for a euro, when once it was a penny

Santa is Covid safe and so are his crew

Even the naughty will get presents too

We will slay this virus and live free again

Once we have one another all our efforts are not in vain.

By

Adele Leahy

 

Sesame Street-Near, far (A fav of mine from when I was a kid.  And now, also.  To be honest, even more so now)

 

 

 

 

 

Just because the youngsters have text short codes. Why can’t we?

 Menopause text short codes

HFF-Hot feckin flush

FBSC-Feeling bat shit crazy

HATB-Head about to burst

FIWHF -Feckin insomnia with hot flush

 

The menopause is rather undignified and relentless. Nobody escapes. My favorite symptoms are the sweats. Whenever I get them, I resemble Shrek in a sauna. I have reached a point of indifference as fretting just leads to more sweating. They say that men sweat and ladies’ glow. No shit Sherlock. I don’t so much glow as glare.

Menopause Blues

The frustration with the perspiration makes me feel flushed away.

 And my emotions in disarray.

I was going to write a poem about it but my hormonal and neurotic mind got in the way.

I am full of hot air and feeling the blues.

 It’s taking all of my energy not to blow a feckin fuse.

 

 

There, I feel better now, with that off my sweaty chest.   My menopause minx always knows best.

Where is The Menopause Minx, aka TMM, when I need her, eh? Could we please have her as a modern-day Superhero-Purleeasse.

She would be my ultimate superhero.    Blowing ice cold air onto me when I am mid hot flush.  Giving me extra strength to pull on my spanx when I have over indulged the day before?  Providing me with a somewhat rational mind when my emotions are off the Richter scale. I’m off now to blow that fuse I have been promising myself all day. I deserve it.

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

 

The Fair

(Homonym’s and Homograph- How many can you find?)

I was being fair in describing him as fair. Pat had skin that was almost translucent. He was Irish and I met him at the fair. He left me for a minute and returned with a minute ceramic leprechaun that he had won at a stall.

His friend Liam passed by and asked him to stall as they had had a row in the bar the night before. Apparently,they had stolen a boat that had no oars and therefore they had nothing to row with.

It turned out that the publican of their fav bar owned the boat and decided to bar them both. Pat wanted to finish the last drop of his drink but couldn’t as the publican punched him for stealing his boat. He showed me the wound by his ear and was fierce wound up by the assault.

Liam was looking for the Waltzer’s and Pat directed him towards them. We headed towards a tree and sat down. I told him that if he was looking for a shift (Irish slang for snog) that he was barking up the wrong tree.

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

Words that have double meanings have for some reason piqued my interest today.

As you can see in the picture a new statue has been erected in Dublin.  Only kidding, this is not Dublin, it is the US, but the picture made me smile. It is unashamedly gratuitous smut. Always guaranteed to put a twinkle in my eye.

The English language can be quite complex with many words that are spelt and sound the same yet having completely different meanings. Apparently, these are called homonym. Who knew, eh? not me.

And words that are spelt the same and sound different, with again, different meanings are called homographs. Such as ‘an ill wind’ and ‘wind down the window’.

I shall be having some fun over the next few days weaving many of these into a narrative just to mess with my head and get my neurons synapsing.

The word ‘bow’ fascinates me, in that it appears to have three different meanings and is both a homonym and a homograph. Now that’s what I call an identity crisis.

‘The girl adorned with a beautiful bow, knew that she would have to bow down in the presence of greatness whilst greeting the Chief at the bow of the boat. The desert trip had made her very thirsty and she was looking forward to a fine meal but in particular a luscious dessert as she had a sweet tooth’.

I take my hat off to anyone learning English as it is not easy.

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

This afternoon I was rinsing my swimming shoes in the kitchen sink to remove the sand from an earlier swim.  The sea was freezing but still refreshing.  I had always harbored (excuse the dreadful pun- pun therapy continues, but is largely unsuccessful) the notion that if you swim fast enough and for long enough- in my case about 10 mins- that you will stave off the cold and warm up. It is not true as the sea is still feckin freezing.

As I am new to sea swimming in the winter, I have convinced myself that I am burning more calories by being so cold. Buzz and Finn were at my ankles looking for treats. I inadvertently knocked a bowl containing a cooked ham joint which was cooling by the sink directly into the sink. I placed it on the cooker to be safe. Silently I said ‘Whew’.

Hunger got the best of me following my swim. I was looking forward to a ham sandwich with lovely fresh rye bread that I had bought from a new bakery that had opened. There was no mustard and I began to look for mustard powder. Finally, I found the mustard powder and in retrieving it from the cupboard knocked the ham off the cooker to the ground.

Things for me happens in threes – good and bad -. I have figured that I now probably manifest this in that it has become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Buzz and Finn went feral on a ham fest. I did manage to rescue some from the floor and rinsed it in the sink, using the 30 second rule. I made my sandwich, got my apple- which I then dropped, therefore fulfilling my rule of three’s.

I sat down and took a big bite of my ham sandwich on rye and smiled wryly. It had sand in it.  From when it had fallen to the floor in the kitchen. I had always wondered where the phrase had come from and now at last, I understood.

I can’t say I was thrilled at the revelation as the sand gritted my teeth removing part of a filling. But there you go. I have since enlightened myself by learning that the sandwich is named after the 4^th Earl of Sandwich-John Montagu who needed a handy meal without forks whilst playing cribbage.

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

 

The other morning, I overheard somebody playing Jeff Wayne ‘War of the Worlds’ in one of the apartments nearby. Richard Burton was narrating. His voice makes me melt. My windows were closed at the time so the volume was obviously quite high. It was quite apocalyptic. Particularly as I had been singing ‘Oh what a beautiful morning’ from the Oklahoma musical as I made my breakfast. I had looked it up on YouTube to remind myself of the lyrics to the second verse. Which, by the way, are quite beautiful and rather poetic. Here is the link to ‘Oh what a beautiful morning.’

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5APc0z49wg

I smiled wryly at the juxtaposition in that if it was going to be the end of the world, at least I was having a lovely morning. I remembered where and when I was when I first heard War of the Worlds.    I must have been about 12 when my brother came back from his world travels whilst working in the Navy.

He brought back so many cassette tapes which he had bought for fifty pence each in South Africa.  Everything from ELO, to Blondie, Peter Gabriel, Queen, Super Tramp and War of The Worlds by Jeff Wayne. He also had a huge Hitachi boom box with massive headphones. loved going to sleep with the headphones on listening to this track. To this day my brother’s musical selection has informed my musical taste.

For the last week I have not been able to get the song ‘Oh, what a beautiful morning’ out of my mind. Considering I have not heard it in decades. Anyhoo, tonight on   ‘I’m a celebrity get me out of here’,   guess what happened?    Russell Watson burst into song, singing, none other than ‘Oh, what a beautiful morning’. There are 97 million songs in the world.   Well, at least, there was the last time I counted them. And there was I singing a rather random one from a movie called ‘Oklahoma’ made 65 years ago. And apparently so was Russell.

So, I am inclined to favor that tomorrow will be a beautiful morning and possibly not the end of the world. I must apologize as I believe I may have incorrectly counted the number of songs in the world.   The number may be in the region of 98 million. I’m off to count them again and I will get back to you.

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

I had to buy Buzz and Finn new coats as I got them groomed too tight and they were cold. I know, duh!    What was I thinking when I knew the winter was coming? I can only call it a brain fart moment to be honest. I have them every so often.

Buzz was not impressed at all with his. He was so unimpressed he was refusing to go for a walk.    He stood outside my door and looked at me as if to say ‘Really are you serious? You expect me to go walking in this? Don’t you realize that I have a reputation to uphold? ‘. Anyhoo he finally relented and decided to enjoy the walk as he realized that it was contingent on him wearing his new raincoat.

As a young child I had knock knees and my mum forced me to wear disgusting brown orthotic shoes.  Quite similar to the ones in the picture. I was uber defiant and kept saying that they looked like lumps of ‘Gick’ on my feet and I wouldn’t be seen dead in them. ‘Gick’ is the Irish slang for a poo.

My mam had to give up in the end as (like Buzz) I was stubborn.    Anyhoo, I got my way and to this day I have perfect knock knees.  Serves me right for being such a defiant little minx.

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

 

Warning – rant alert

I like my YouTube and understand the value of social media.   However, something always scratches my frustration bone.  Whenever I am on these apps every time I ‘like’ or ‘subscribe’ to something it invariably asks me do I want to turn on notifications.

The answer is always a resounding ‘No’.   And a ‘No’ with notification bells on.  Why would I want head melting phone pings every few minutes?   The incessant pinging would sound like a heart monitor in intensive care. And quite possible cause me to end up there due to the stress caused from   having to listen to them.  Strewth!

My other favorite annoyance is again linked to the apps where I forget my password.  Instead of resetting it I am then asked if I would like to log in using either Google or Facebook. Because I am lazy, I say yes and I am dutifully then informed that they will have access to everything. I presume this includes my DNA and also the right to harvest my organs upon my demise.

I do have a favorite notification and it is a meditation bell that a friend of mine told me about. It is from the Plum Village App.Every hour the bell gently goes off to remind oneself to be mindful.   So, I am off to have a ‘Zenax’, i.e., get chilled and Zen like.

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

When the post man arrived this morning Buzz and Finn were apoplectic.  Obviously, this is no revelation for dog lovers.  But apparently their behavior is known as a positive reward. In that they bark to make the post man go away and guess what, he always goes away.  So therein lays their reward.

If I ever decide to date a postman this would really mess with their furry little heads as he would be coming into my house as opposed to leaving. But for now, I will keep my romantic notions to myself.

Once they had calmed down, I brought them for a walk. Lately they have begun to do everything in unison. Previously if Buzz peed Finn would also. Now the same applies if they are going for a poo.

Today Buzz had a particularly interesting poo in that his poo was standing straight up. I decided to call it shituesque. For some reason whilst bending down to bag his poo I began to think of the ‘Bend and snap’ scene from legally blonde. I had watched the movie last week.  This is when Reese Witherspoon is demonstrating to her friend, the nail lady, how best to grab a man’s attention by using the bend and snap technique. Here is the link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQmt9W6Ky7U

I managed to resist imitating the move, just about. Reese is trying to get her friend to flirt with the mail man.  Maybe I need to try it with my postman sometime?

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

 

The word ‘deadly’ in Ireland does not mean the same thing as it does in most other English-speaking countries.  Within our vernacular the word deadly means optimal craic.  With the word ‘craic’ meaning ‘fun’.  So, to simplify ‘deadly’ means ‘optimal fun’.

Phrases like ‘top o de mornin to you’ and ‘soft day, thank God’ are rarely used. We can thank the movie ‘The Quiet Man’ for these. If we do say these phrases to each other in Ireland it is merely because we are being ironic and taking the piss out of ourselves.

Perhaps in the foregone days of strict Catholicism the Irish seven deadly sins could be

1.Drinking

2.Drugging

3.Fast food

4. Smoking and sminking (-they count as one –sminking is smoking and thinking simultaneously)

5. Slagging-taking the piss (Includes cursing)

6. Shifting-kissing

7.Sexting-rude texting

 

The best night out would have to encompass all of the above.  As we say here ‘When you are out, you are out’, meaning that there is really no point in doing it half arsed and heading home after a few drinkees.

For the optimum craic you need to stay the whole distance until the sun comes up. If this means drinking, drugging (for myself this means taking too many multi vitamins, at least in today’s current climate), sminking, gorging, shifting, slagging and sexting, then so be it. There is only one thing worse than being bad in my book and that is not being really good at being bad.

Now, that’s the real sin.

 

That’s all for now.

Have a great day.

Stay fab.

Adele

P.S- Almost forgot. Not being able to recite at least a few scenes from ‘Father Ted’, would have to count as the eight greatest sin in Ireland.